Archive for Ghost Shark

Ghost Shark: Bites From Beyond

Posted in Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Shark

2013’s Ghost Shark is memorable for a number of reasons, sub-budget special effects/dialogue/acting notwithstanding. But first you have to ignore the plot, which gives Ghost Shark its rai·son d’ê·tre.

After being fed a hand grenade thrown from a fishing boat by redneck a-holes, Ghost Shark’s corpse floats into a half-submerged cave where early settlers performed satanic rituals. (Okay, what?) It is here Dead Shark is converted into a glowing, transparent kill-beast able to trans-morph out of any body of water, be it a fire hydrant, bath tub, swimming pool, mud puddle and even a bottled water drinking fountain. And this is exactly what makes Ghost Shark’s 84 minutes of dumbassery entertaining.

Ghost Shark

GS crashes a pool party and devours teenagers. GS opens wide and swallows little kids on a Slip ’n Slide™, an unsuspecting youngster shooting down the shark’s throat as if a human oyster on the half shell. A mayor’s assistant pouring himself a cool and refreshing paper cup of thirst quenching death after GS leaves the bottled water container and is delivered to the assistant’s insides, where it splits the guy in half during the chewing out. (This scene alone is worth an Academy Award.)

Ghost Shark

Time wasters until Ghost Shark straps on the feedbag: a drunk lighthouse keeper, savaged by guilt for killing his wife in said satanic cave years ago who seeks revenge on GS. Not sure how that works. The smack-talking mayor going on a Jaws-driven balance-of-justice boat ride. (His crunchy death – being sucked down a watery toilet – as a true feel-good moment.) Tthen there’s the never-ending parade of young girls in bikinis and a really, really fat guy riding a jet ski that looked like it might get permanently lodged into FG’s ass crack on the next wave.

Ghost Shark

Back to the bikinis: Most horror films feature young gals in their 20s, probably still in community college or of X-rated movie age. Not so with Ghost Shark; The girls running around in kite string swimsuits are barely (heh) in high school. I felt somewhat dirty watching Ghost Shark make fish bait out of jail bait. I would’ve showered my shame away afterward, but hey – Ghost Shark possibly coming through the nozzle.

Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws

P.S. Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws (pending 2015) is not a sequel or related to Ghost Shark. It’s an indie movie (i.e., made with two New Zealand guys and a Best Buy™ video camera) that was supposed to have come out in 2010. Time to put down the Foster’s mates, and show us some of your Down Under horror. Okay, that didn’t come out right.

This Shark Is The Bomb

Posted in Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 14, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Atomic Shark

It used to be we were justifiably afraid of sharks, what with their emotionless biting off of limbs and/or employable extremities. Now that our ferocious friends of the foamy sea have been tornado’d, tomato’d, super-sized and mechanized, the continuously-mocked apex predator has been relegated to a one punch line cinematic joke. Shame on everyone except me.

And the knee-slapping continues with the impending Atomic Shark (coming 2014), wherein a terrorist and a biologist devise a device that makes great white sharks attack a variety of anything. As if sharks ever need an excuse to chew you out.

To add some padding to the plot, criminal humans attach bombs to the sharks, kinda like what the Navy’s been doing with delicious dolphins for decades now. The terrorist’s target? A nuclear sub that, once bitten by a shark that thinks it’s a heavy metal hot dog, would explode and smear everyone except me in a cloud of radioactive hair product.

I’ll say this about Atomic Shark, though – at least they didn’t turn the hapless eating machine into a comedy act hybrid, ala Sand Sharks, Sharktopus, Ghost Shark, Snow Shark, Psycho Shark, Avalanche Sharks, etc., etc., etc. Why can’t we pick on oysters for a change?

The Atomic Sharks

P.S. Do not confuse this movie with The Atomic Sharks, the educational kid’s music  ukulele duo comprised of Kris Hensler and Kenny Taylor, both of whom still have employable extremities.