Archive for ghost hunter

Another Baker’s Dozen Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Thir13en Ghosts

An evil rich uncle figured out a way to capture souls and store them in stay-fresh cubicles in his house, which is made of glass walls with Latin slogans on them to keep the pesky dead from touching his stuff.

Thir13en Ghosts

These ghosts aren’t of the Casper variety — they’re the most gnarliest, f’d-up poltergeists on the planet, looking like they came from Marilyn Manson’s shiny pants.

Thir13en GhostsEach of these ghosts were chosen for their unique energy, which, when combined with a demonic machine and a spell from some spell book, will open the Eye of Hell, allowing the user to see behind the creation curtain. (I’ve seen it — just a bunch of boxes filled with last year’s Christmas decorations.)

Thir13en Ghosts

A family inherits the evil uncle’s house after said relative dies while trying to round up a ghost that doesn’t want to be rounded up. “This isn’t a house; it’s a machine made by the Devil and powered by the Dead,” remarks one ghost-hunter. An understatement — all the ghosts are contained in the basement, but the family screws around with the buttons in the Rubik’s Cube™ mansion and let the stinky wraiths out. Then it’s smack ass time.

Thir13en Ghosts

These ghosts make Hellraiser’s Cenobites look like cotton candy vendors at Disneyland™. Blood and guts decorate the stylish glass walls like Dutch Boy™ paint. Lots of swearing, tension, and a handful of flinchy moments that’ll have you tossing your popcorn before you eat it, thereby wasting it.Thir13en Ghosts

2001’s Thir13en Ghosts (a hardcore graphic re-imagining of 13 Ghosts/1960) is quite lean on suspense and backstory, though, which makes it hard to give the ghosts some love when you don’t really know anything about them. As for the evil uncle, it’s not explained why he’s so mean. No matter; It’s heartwarming to see such ultra-violence and brain goo.

Skinwalkers, Prime Time Cults, Evil Birdhouses

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Evil Dead Birdhouse

Every time I think there are no more cool things to distract me from real life, up pops a thing so cool, life itself becomes meaningless. This time it’s The Evil Dead (1981) horror cabin made into a birdhouse. Made by Reddit’s murdrfaze — and soon-to-be for sale (albeit severely limited to 10) — the birdhouses are constructed by hand and the rock chimney made from creek stones. I feel that’s pretty dang cool.

I’d probably buy one but I think all the birds in my neighborhood are already possessed by the same demons that made The Evil Dead cabin so evil. If you could see how many times I have to wash the bird crap off my car, you’d swear some giant, flying beaked monster ate a high fiber city and decided to pooptie all over my hooptie.

Speaking of things that may or may not make you wanna soil yourself (or on someone else’s car that’s not mine), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that could qualify as being quite craptacular…

The Monster Project

THE MONSTER PROJECT (August 18, 2017)/Limited/VOD)
“A group of aspiring horror filmmakers, eager to raise their YouTube™ subscriber count, post an online casting call for ‘real life’ monsters to interview for their documentary. They find three participants and choose to film them sharing their haunted experiences in a mansion in the woods on the night of a lunar eclipse. The production suddenly turns into a nightmare when the participants transform into a real skinwalker, vampire, and demon forcing the unsuspecting crew to fight for their lives.”

Cool title and premise. Wish they called me to be one of the monsters; I think I’d make for a pretty good werewolf/skinwalker, what with my long hair and penchant for ribeye steaks with a side of khakis. And no, I wouldn’t go around sniffing butts. Even as a werewolf, I’d maintain at least a few social standards.

AHS: Cult

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT (September 5, 2017)
“Politics and clowns play a pivotal role in AHS: Cult.”

Clowns and politicians. Thought they were one in the same. The new art, though, suggests bees will somehow be around to create a buzz (heh) about AHS’s seventh season. I hear it’ll be an 11-episode dealie. Was not a big fan of season six (Roanoke), though I did like season 5 (Hotel). Pretty dang gory, violent and entertaining because of those two essential horror ingredients. So for season seven, keep those and just add a little…honey. (Heh.)

Leatherface

LEATHERFACE
(September 21, 2017/DirecTV/October 20, 2017Theatrical/VOD)

“Jessica Madsen plays one of four inmates who escape from a mental hospital. One of them becomes the title character and iconic slasher. The quartet kidnap a young nurse and take her on a road trip from hell. Along the way, they are pursued by an equally deranged lawman out for revenge.”

Wrote about this one back on October 25 of the year 2016 A.D.. But hey, new poster and a locked ’n loaded (finally) release date. Here’s some more info that’ll rev up you — it’s being given an R rating for “strong bloody violence, disturbing images, language and some sexuality/nudity.” I have no problem with that.

Camp Cold Brook

CAMP COLD BROOK (in production)
Camp Cold Brook centers around a horrific incident in 1993 when dozens of young campers, without warning, stand at attention, seemingly in a hypnotic trance, and proceed to attack not only each other but the staff as well with deadly intent. The survivors then bind their feet with rope tethered to large rocks and drag themselves into the nearby lake.”

“Twenty-five years later, reality TV ghost hunter Jack Wilson finds himself in a tough spot. His show, Haunted Places, is on the brink of being canceled. In a last ditch effort to spark ratings to land a final season, he and his producers, as well as their trusted cameraman, choose the legend of Camp Cold Brook to try to save their show.”

“Their arrival begins like any other episode. Cameras are placed, and the team sets up shop in the dilapidated lodge and waits. But this is not going to be a regular episode. The terror here was real, and the 30 are about to rise.”

Yes, this has been done before, so quit e-yawning. That’s MY job.

A Bloody Good Read

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Book of Blood

Mary Florescu, a 40-something paranormal professor and published author, along with her ghost hunter sidekick Reggie, are investigating a mysterious spooky house where several ritual murders have occurred.

Book of Blood

There are mysterious spooky warnings scribbled all over the walls: “Do Not Mock Us.” The penmanship left a little to be desired, but the message was clear – don’t mess with us ghosts.

Enter Simon McNeal, a morose young student and clairvoyant, who is hired to spend a few nights in the haunted house to help solve the mystery. Simon, turns out, is less of a clairvoyant than I am. (OK, I’m not clairvoyant. BUT I WANT TO BE.)

Book of Blood

He fakes a string of ghostly events that convinces Mary he’s the real deal. But Simon underestimated the real ghosts living in the house, which happens to be an intersection for the dead.

Book of Blood

While he may have staged the earlier visitations, the one last night was unfortunately real. Soon it’s a poltergeist jamboree with the walls in Simon’s room fading away to reveal the after-life, with thousands of ghosts with stories to tell, lining up to autograph/carve Simon’s body while he lays there screaming. That’ll teach him.

Book of Blood

Clive Barker’s Book of Blood (2009) doesn’t have as much blood as the title advertises, though there is one face-ripping, six schoolgirl skeletons dancing in a fountain, and 150,000 (give or take) dead souls with poor writing skills.