Archive for Georgia

Alien Nightlight, Murderous Mermaid, Nazi Ghost Zombie

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nostromo

Just because it was blown into black hole shavings back in 2127, you can still own the Nostromo ship from Alien (1979). Can’t fly it, though, as it’s pretty much a nightstand recreation that’s been hi-tech engineered to also be a lamp. And hey, it comes with its own Xenomorph! (Just to clarify, the “illuminated sculpture” is a recreation of the Alien Lockmart CM-88B Bison M-Class Star Freighter — U.S.C.S.S. Nostromo, not the actual refinery/beater mom ship in the movie.)

Nostromo

This cool piece of Alien memorabilia comes courtesy of The Bradford Exchange and sells for $99.99. Neat — one penny shy of $100, which I can’t afford. I can, however, get a die-cast version over at themotorpool.net for $79.99. Should be enough bling in the ‘ol Alien head cookie jar to get one.

Alien cookie jar

Anyway, here’s the press release…

The Bradford Exchange, Hawthorne Village Division, is excited to offer a special opportunity to reserve the Alien: Nostromo Masterpiece Sculpture, an officially-licensed sculpture exquisitely capturing the doomed ship and the dreaded Xenomorph. Pending sufficient demand, this Alien sculpture is sure to bring the horror of this landmark sci-fi film to vividly nightmarish three-dimensional life!”

Nostromo

“Impressively sized at one foot long, this Alien sculpture will be handcrafted and hand-painted to highlight its unprecedented detailing from every angle, from the ship itself to the intricate base with official logo. The Xenomorph, a pure killing machine with its whiplash tail, clawed hands and deadly dual jaws, will be poised for attack under the doomed ship. Plus, it will light up to cast an eerie green glow on the ship and the deadly creature that lurks below it.”

Nostromo

This is a fancy way of saying, you/I/me/us need to have it. Here’s the catch — these are made to order, so unless they get a pile of preorders, this ship will not fly. So get in line HERE.

Nostromo

While you’re clearing your nightstand of pesky books (who needs ‘em when you have TV?), here are a few just released/upcoming horror/sci-fi flicks that may or may not light up your life…or nightstand…

Survive The Hollow Shoals

SURVIVE THE HOLLOW SHOALS (available now)
Zach Weiland is a survival enthusiast who embarks on a 60 day survival challenge in the Hollow Shoals of Georgia. His primary objective is to find clean drinkable water, build a shelter and create a fire. Throughout Zach’s survival challenge he is stalked and harassed by an evil entity that haunts the Shoals.”

Worst. Movie. Art. Ever.

Siren

SIREN (March 29, 2018)
“When the arrival of a mysterious girl proves this folklore all too true, the battle between man and sea takes a very vicious turn as these predatory beings return to reclaim their right to the ocean.”

I wrote about a pile of mermaid movies/books back in 2010. You’d think someone would come up with a better name than Siren (used often) for a killer mermaid. How about Squishy Fishy? Who wouldn’t go see a movie with snappy title like that?

Living Space

LIVING SPACE (March, 2018)
“College sweethearts Brad and Ashley venture into the heartland of Germany. Their romantic holiday takes a sinister turn when encountering a German SS Officer, thrusting them into a psychological vortex revealing there is not always life in a ‘Living Space’”.

Lemme get this straight — a Nazi ghost zombie? Sounds romantic to me, too!

Soft Matter

SOFT MATTER (2018)
“Two graffiti artists break into an abandoned and reportedly haunted research facility in hopes of creating an art installation. They instead stumble upon a team of demented researchers who are in the process of resurrecting an ancient sea creature — who they now must fight in order to not become their next experiment.”

The plot doesn’t exactly kick you in the soft matter, but what the heck — I could go for some ancient seafood. I hope the monster graffitis the walls with the “artist’s” inner paint palette.

Aliens R Us, Cookie-Selling Bigfoot, Religious Ghosts

Posted in Aliens, Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aliens

Recently came across a tantalizing click-bait headline that all but begged me to reach for the hook: The article by Yahoo! News UK had this to say: “Here’s what aliens will really look like, according to science…” Score!

An excerpt of the article: “In a new study published in the International Journal of Astrobiology scientists from the University of Oxford say that aliens will be shaped by the same natural selection that shaped us.”

And here’s the illustration they provided to support that theory…

Aliens

Dang — it’s like looking into a mirror! While I comb my tentacles to match that of my space brethren, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not feature extraterrestrial doppelgangers

Mountain Devil

MOUNTAIN DEVIL (available now)
“Based on the true events that occurred in the Appalachian Mountains, Mountain Devil recounts the frightening events of the night Frank Peterson and his friend spent the night in a secluded cabin stalked by something they could not explain. With only a few clues and journal entries we try to piece together the shocking events, and attempt to shed insight into one of the greatest mysteries of our time.”

This isn’t a movie, but a re-enactment “documentary” of the experience of two guys being heckled by a Sasquatch. Turn on the logic switch, people — was it really Bigfoot pranking these campers or were they being stalked by cookie-selling Girl Scouts? Hedging my bets here, so I’m gonna say both. I should’ve been a politician.

Hunters' Crossing

HUNTERS’ CROSSING (available now)
Hank Williams, an amateur hunter, teams up with Bigfoot hunter, Trevor Farleys, and an aging bear slayer, Willis Hampton, to sabotage a crazed hunter and win a local hunting competition.”

Aging bear slayer. I shall require a T-shirt with that printed on it. The press release, however, does not say what everyone’s supposed to be hunting. Is it a bear or Bigfoot? While some may think they’re one in the same (they’re not), the bigger question is what’s the prize for winning said hunting competition? I’d prefer bit coins, but would settle for the above mentioned T-shirt.

Transhuman

TRANSHUMAN (available now)
“A young journalist travels into the underbelly of a transhumanist cult, spanning generations leading back to the Nazis during World War II.”

Great movie title, though I’ve heard bartenders use that term to describe some of their more “colorful” clientele during last call. As for the Nazis, you guys are just plain mean.

St. Agatha

ST. AGATHA (2018)
“Set in the 1950s in small town Georgia, where a pregnant con woman named Agatha is on the run and seeks refuge in a convent hidden in deafening isolation. What first starts out as the perfect place to have a child turns into a dark layer where silence is forced, ghastly secrets are masked, and every bit of will power Agatha has is tested. She soon learns the sick and twisted truth of the convent and the odd people that lurk inside its halls. Agatha must now find a way to discover the unyielding strength needed to escape and save her baby before she’s caged behind these walls forever.”

Sounds like a healthy smidge of 2004’s Saint Ange (aka, House of Voices). As ghost movies go, that was one of the better offerings. The basement scene will have you needing to re-mop the convent floors.

Long Live The King

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

King Kong Lives

At the end of the 1976 remake of King Kong, our fuzzy yet misunderstood hero, is air-conditioned by military gunfire and falls 110 stories off the top of the World Trade Center to his fate, which would be the sidewalk. The end. Or is it?

King Kong Lives

In King Kong Lives (1986) they somehow managed to get Kong’s still leaking body on a truck and transported to a Georgia medical facility. Long way to go (921.1 miles) while Triple AAA-ing a giant dying ape. It’s there they’ve been keeping Kong alive. Not building-crushing alive, more like “scratching your balls in your sleep” alive. And they’ve been doing this for 10 years!

King Kong Lives

Dr. Amy Franklin, Kong’s PCP, comes to the inevitable conclusion that the King needs a heart transplant OR HE’LL DIE. Um, isn’t that what we spent so much money trying to make Kong do when he was wrecking stuff all those years ago? Fortunately, somebody financed an artificial heart, the very same one hanging from a non-sterile crane out in the parking lot.

King Kong Lives

Kong needs blood, though, in order to facilitate this monster-heart operation. But where in the stinkin’ heck are they gonna find… Wait, someone found a compatible donor! She lives in Borneo, has really hairy boobs and is the size of three coconut trees built on top of each other. And her name is…QUEEN KONG.

King Kong Lives

Once they finish the operation and sew him back up, love is in the air. So Kong and Queen bust out and head for a place called Honeymoon Hills (I’m totally not making that up, although I wish I had) to engage in some super-sized hot monkey love. That’s really hard to watch without throwing up in someone’s mouth.

King Kong Lives

Once the military learns Kong is on the loose, they reload their guns and go after the large lovers. Nice time for Kong’s pacemaker battery to start to run low. At least he got in a little primate’n before the Army starts shootin’ at the walls of heartache bang, bang.

King Kong Lives

Several serious questions: Who besides me came up with the idea for this sequel? How come I wasn’t asked to star in it? Hollywood seems hell-bent in testing my patience.