Archive for geneticist

Monster Bugs and Monster Monsters

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Upcoming camptacular movies like Monster-Zilla and Bugs 3D are like prepackaged snacks: cheap, momentarily satisfying and very cheesy. Is this a bad thing? Not necessarily. If you walk around being smart and brain-like all day long, it’s nice to park your particulate matter every once in a while and just live in the moment.

So in the immortal words of Sir Clint Eastwood, “Was I in focus? Then let’s move on”…

In Monster-Zilla, easily the worst if not laziest titled movie of the year, “two Navy SEALS are sent to an abandoned island in search of a “package,” but instead of being the hunters, they find they are being hunted by a creature that’s big and hungry.” I guess the island isn’t quite abandoned after all.

Bugs 3D

Bugs 3D, with no more effort put into its title as well, is a little more promising: “In the near future, due to huge demand for protein, synthetic protein is rapidly developed around the world. A fanatic geneticist has managed to raise super bugs that can provide high-quality protein at low-cost. But the bugs break out, devour scientists, and turn into giant monsters. Numerous monster bugs hankering after flesh and blood swarm into the sea and wait to rage a holocaust.”

They’re not far off on that whole “bugs providing protein” thing; watch Snowpiercer (2013) and tell me you’ll continue eating protein bars. Sure, the package lists the ingredients as grains, fiber and chocolate chips. But according to the future, it’s all ground up dung beetles mixed with flavor.

That should bother me, but it doesn’t. I’ve probably eaten worse.

The Abominable Snowman Is A Bear? Seriously?

Posted in Bigfoot, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 18, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Abominable Snowman

This sucks AND blows.

A human ancestry scientist is all over the news, bragging his credentials off by telling the world he can prove the Abominable Snowman was/is really a bear. That’s just dandy; he has no proof other than supposition, whereas arguments to the contrary include tons of movies, books, cartoons, blurry YouTube™ videos, novelty T-shirts, toys, shampoo bottles and even themed hamburgers to refute his refution. Clearly, this man is a quack.

Abominable Snowman

So reports that after a yearlong quest, “Oxford University’s Bryan Sykes, a British geneticist, says he has matched the DNA from hairs attributed to Himalayan Yetis, also known as “Abominable Snowmen,” to a breed of Arctic bear that lived tens of thousands of years ago. Other researchers say that might be as good an explanation as any.”

Abominable Snowman

Are you kidding me? What’s to explain – one billion Himalayans will swear upon a stack of handmade rugs that the creature roaming the region of Nepal and Tibet is a super tall ape-like cryptid that lives off highly nutritious snow, indigenous to that part of the world. And the key word here is “ape-like.” Not “bear-like” or even “bear-esque.”

So what does all of this prove? That a degree from Oxford University isn’t worth the handmade rug it’s printed on.