Comic Book of the Dead, Blindsided Apocalypse, Jungle Zombies

For those of us still in grief/shock over the cancellation of the insanely gory/bloody/goofy/fun Ash. vs. Evil Dead (Starz™ — 2015 to 2018) TV series, now comes a comic book that mashes together Bruce Campbell’s Army of Darkness (1992) character Ash, with his other famous role as Elvis in an old folk’s home going up against an Egyptian mummy in the wildly hilarious Bubba Ho-Tep (2002).

From the Dynamite Entertainment and IDW Publishing press release: “In Army of Darkness/Bubba Ho-Tep, Ash embarks on a soul-searching road trip to Texas on a hunch that Elvis Presley may still be alive and kicking (and supposedly vanquished a mummy)! What follows is a series of universe-spanning events that involve an Elvis jumpsuit with special time-travel abilities, a trip to 70’s Vegas, plus the reveal of an evil new Book of the Dead, the Necronomicon Ho-Tep.”

Hotels should put this in nightstand drawers as this looks to be our new Bible. The first issue of Army of Darkness/Bubba Ho-Tep #1 arrives February 2019. Until then, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worthy of a hotel nightstand drawer…

DEAD SQUAD: TEMPLE OF THE UNDEAD (available now)
“A group of young people become lost in the jungle during a river rafting trip and stumble upon a long lost ruin that is home to a host of mysterious monsters.”

Cool — jungle zombies! If the zombies could talk, I bet they’d say lost tourists taste just like a Piña Colada sandwich.

BIRD BOX (December 21, 2018/Netflix™)
“When a mysterious force decimates the world’s population, only one thing is certain: if you see it, you take your life. Facing the unknown, Malorie finds love, hope and a new beginning only for it to unravel. Now she must flee with her two children down a treacherous river to the one place left that may offer sanctuary. But to survive, they’ll have to undertake the perilous two-day journey blindfolded.”

They should’ve called this, “Pin The Tail On The Apocalypse.” Gotta be careful walking around the wastelands with blindfolds on, though; what you think is a hygienic gas station restroom could very well be someone’s front lawn.

REBORN (2018/2019)
“A stillborn baby girl is abducted by a morgue attendant and brought back to life by electrokinetic power. On her sixteenth birthday, she escapes captivity and sets out to find her birth mother, leaving a trail of destruction behind her.”

They’re calling this “Carrie for the Z-Generation.” Wikipedia™ tell us that “most of Generation Z have used the Internet since a young age, and therefore, are generally comfortable with technology and with interacting on social media.” I thought the “Z” stood for “zero”. 

30 MILES FROM NOWHERE (2018/2019)
“Five ex-college buddies return to the summer home of their youth for their scientist friend’s funeral. But mourning turns to terror when they realize their reunion is not at all what it seems.”

I wish I had a scientist friend. He/she could do experiments on me because that seems neat for some reason.

Zombie ReZort

The ReZort, which is also being advertised as Generation Z (both dumb) is YET ANOTHER zombie movie wherein people pay to hunt and shoot zombies in a controlled and monitored environment. We already know how this is gonna end.

Here’s the plot: “The Rezort sets its story in a world after an almost-apocalyptic zombie outbreak. Humans have won the war and are exploring how humanity can recover after such a huge percentage of the population has been wiped out.”

“Humankind finally has the upper hand, but Melanie, who lost her entire family, is still deeply traumatized. In a bid to overcome the demons of her past, she goes on a zombie safari retreat. It is the ultimate in therapeutic revenge.”

Man, the undead cannot get a break these days. But I do like the idea of a zombie safari retreat. Most of those comes with snack bars with you as the snack. Heh.

Of course the system goes down and the zombies escape and go on the snack attack. A few horror movie blogs are comparing The ReZort to Jurassic Park. Perhaps. However, try the 1973 sci-fi classic Westworld, where you pay to go to an Old West “town” and have shoot outs with  robot cowboy criminals dressed in black. All is good until the system goes down and the robot cowboy criminals start firing back.

Robot cowboy criminals are highly entertaining. Zombies – massively overdone and over used – not so much anymore.

P.S. No official release date yet for The ReZort. This gives them time to come up with a less crappy ad poster.