Archive for gargoyles

New Age Gargoyles

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Curse of the Talisman

In Curse of the Talisman (2001), an ancient curse unleashes a flock of evil gargoyles that are compelled to adhere to the curse’s rule of die, kill, bleed. Good for them.

This happened in London’s village of Yorkshire (home of that expensive pudding) in 1100 A.D. Artifacts of the gargoyles made its way through the magic of time to a modern museum of today. But a shifty shipper intercepts one of the gargoyle statues and a Goth talisman necklace and sells it to a New Age bookstore (run by a guy who looks more like a motorcycle thug than someone who would own a New Age bookstore), thereby setting into motion the return of the gargoyles.

Curse of the Talisman

Enter a British priest hot on the trail of the talisman. No one likes pompous Limeys demanding things, so they give him a good ’ol U.S. run-around. The gargoyle, now flying around and killing people, wants the talisman as well. Seems he needs it to release his winged brothers of doom from inside the thirty or so statuettes on display at the museum.

Curse of the Talisman

There’s a LOT of pointless running around/running away just to get to the showdown at the museum. The gargoyles, which look like death metal seagulls, belong in a Gremlins (1984) movie where they’d be more at home alongside stuffed toys with teeth. As far as ancient curses go, you’d be better off with a case of medieval jock itch.

Talking Gargoyles

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 14, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Gargoyles

Gargoyles aren’t just for curb appeal and for rain to goosh out of ornate cement orifices. They can also be the subject of hilariously goofy made-for-TV movies. Such is the case of Gargoyles, a 1972 horror “classic” that maintains its campy appeal to this very day.

Gargoyles

The premise: An anthropologist/paleontologist and his bra-less daughter, travel through the southwestern US, stumble upon a colony of living, breathing gargoyles in the Southwestern part of the United States. The gargoyles just want to be left to do whatever gargoyles do, like vent rain water. But these mythical creatures, when threatened, want to end human life as we know it. Have to say, I’m with the gargoyles on this one.

Gargoyles

The movie cuts right to the chase and tells us gargoyles have been here for thousands of years, or “millennia.” They were born of that satan dude and get uppity every 600 years to turn mankind into decorative rain spouts. Good luck with that.

Gargoyles

The anthropologist and his bra-less daughter come across a strange skeleton of some as yet undetermined animal thing. They take it with them. Guess who wants the bones back? Clues come in the form of the sound of flapping wings in the night. (I thought it was seagulls, but hey, what do I know?)

Gargoyles

The classic part comes when the gargoyles, looking like a hybrid of snakes, frogs, goats and seagulls, abduct the bra-less daughter and take her to their cave dwelling, where she discovers a big pile of about-to-hatch baby elephant-sized gargoyle eggs. The females must have really strong birthing hips.

Gargoyles

In a bold rescue attempt of bra-less daughter, the gargoyles are hunted down by barking dogs and riled humans with gasoline and cigarette lighters. Having earlier taught himself to speak English, the head gargoyle lays out a veiled manifesto in a gravelly voice as he attempts to flee with the last surviving breeder gargoyle: “How clever you are; your choice has allowed your and your (bra-less) daughter to survive. It also allows me and my kind to survive, perhaps at the price of your supremacy on Earth one day!”

The English-fluent gargoyle makes a scary face at the humans, picks up the wing-wounded female gargoyle and flaps away. They’ll be back. Then we’ll see what’s what.

Nazi Gargoyles

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

Reign of the Gargoyles

During World War v2.0 the occult-believing stink Nazis unearth a mythical fortress containing gargoyles. Reanimating them via the wonder juice known as human blood, the gargoyles come to life and pick up where they left off, which is to kill everything. The Krauts wanna use them in their bid to thwart Allied bombers that’ve turned the German war effort into Swiss cheese.

Reign of the Gargoyles

One particular bombing run is interrupted by a swarm of such gargoyles, led by Volthorn, the Horn King. (GREAT name). He’s a bigger gargoyle made out of rock, whereas his winged minions are still spongy flesh and blood.  They bring down the planes, ripping through the wings to get at the mechanical stuffings inside.

Reign of the Gargoyles

Reign of the Gargoyles (2007) had me with the war angle, but lost it with Volthorn’s pixelated pants. Because we’re Americans, bombs aren’t the only thing that drop from the sky. C’mon, you knew how it was gonna end, so don’t give me that e-scowl.

Reign of the Gargoyles