Archive for garage

Sex Monsters

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 16, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Night of Something Strange

Sexually transmitted diseases seem to be making a comeback in horror movies lately (Contracted, Contracted: Phase II, It Follows), and look to replace science/space virus recipes normally used to make zombies. About time that old hat got an upgrade. But the message is clear: get a boner, become a donor.

The aforementioned crotch cooties gone wild are at the root of Night of Something Strange (2015), in which five teenage friends set out for the beach on their Spring Break vacation.

Night of Something Strange

While it seems to be a contemporary spin on The Evil Dead (1981), the gory story goes like this: “Good times are cut short when one of the group, Carrie, contracts a deadly sexual transmitted disease during a bathroom stop. When they stop for the night at an isolated motel, the real terror begins when the STD virus starts running rampant, turning those infected into the living dead. However, there’s more going on at the motel than meets the eye.”

Night of Something Strange

Contracts a deadly sexual transmitted disease during a bathroom stop? Super ick! What is it with young people these days that the urge to merge is so powerful that they seek out the nearest super ick-infested gas station bathroom to get momentarily romantic in?

Night of Somethign Strange

Back in sensibly horny days, a vacationing neighbor’s garage was a veritable Chateau Marmont. The smell of old gas-y lawn mowers and half-used cans of fragrant paint brings back a few puberty party memories.

My next door neighbors knew me too well, though, and set up guard dogs, snipers and booby traps around their property when they left town. Took me three weeks to dig a tunnel.

Heaving Horror Hostess

Posted in Classic Horror, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Elvira’s aunt Morgana, a witch, passed away and left the creepy mansion to the iconically top heavy horror movie hostess. Good thing the house has a double-wide garage. Ahem.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

The mansion is in Falwell, Massachusetts, the most right-wing, religiously conservative small town in America, and home to witch burnings back before they had cable TV to entertain them.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Elvira’s great-uncle Vincent wants Morgana’s old recipe book hidden shelf deep in the house that’s actually loaded with witchcraft spells. He does this because he wants to change into a demon. Why? Dunno. Elvira just wants to sell the house so she can fund her own Vegas show and twirl tassels around with her double-wide talents.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

Elvira’s wise-cracking and uninhibited fashion sense clash with all of the above. Slapstick gags, non-stop one-liners (“Grab a tool and start bangin’!”), and endless boob shots/jokes. I never tire of either as it turns out. That said, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) bears double-wide viewing.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark