Archive for Game of Thrones

Fog Monsters, Hunting Grandma, Fort Fantastic

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

WTF!

Watched the first episode of The Mist and am wondering if I should watch the rest of the season (as it plays out) or move on to something like Game of Thrones (I’m about six years behind). The Mist’s set up was underwhelming as they tried to cram too much character B.S. into it as the mist (which looked like fog to me), comes out of nowhere and envelopes a small mountain town.

So if you’ve seen the movie, you know that there be mutated monsters in the mist. What we got with the first episode of the TV series adaptation is a the aftermath of a dog being monster’d, a high school girl date raped at a party, a homeless military guy going nuts, a mom high school sex ed teacher getting fired for explaining BJs to her students and the requisite religious nut. Oh, and they don’t show any monsters. I feel betrayed and/or ambivalent at the same time.

Here are a few upcoming horror, sci-fi and fantasy movies that may or may not end up in land clouds caused by cold air passing over warmer water or moist land…

WTF! (August 1, 2017)
“Three years ago, 22 year old girl-next-door Rachel barely survived a brutal massacre that left her friends in pieces. Time has passed, Rachel has moved on, but unfortunately history has a way of repeating itself. Her close friends are spending spring break in a secluded house in the woods, and they have cordially invited her to join. Little does she realize that another bloodbath will be showing up as plus one. Once Rachel and her friends arrive at the cabin, the partying, sex, and terror begins.”

Tired, worn, cliched, photocopied, mimeographed…at least they got the title right.

Dave Made A Maze

DAVE MADE A MAZE (August 18, 2017)
“Dave builds a fort in his living room and ends up trapped inside by fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and creatures, leaving his girlfriend Annie to head up the eccentric rescue team to go in after him.”

So Dave discovered drugs. It’s all about moderation, Dave. If I built a fort in my living room, it’d probably look like Area 51. Hey, UFOs aren’t just for looking at.

The Ritual

THE RITUAL (October 13, 2017 (UK)/2017/2018 (US)
A group of college friends reunite for a trip to the forest, but encounter a menacing presence in the woods that’s stalking them.

It has to be Bigfoot or one of their former college professors dressed up as Bigfoot. Really, those are the only two explanations. They should call this 7 Days A Weak: weak premise, weak dialogue, weak budget, weak characters… I shan’t waste your time any further on this subject.

Lasso

LASSO (2017/2018)
“Simon and Kit, two young leaders of an Active Senior tour group, out on an adventure to a small-town rodeo festival located deep in the woods. It’s a great experience for the group…until they try to leave. Simon and Kit must save themselves, and whatever seniors they can, from becoming victims of a deadly Rodeo Ritual. Together the group must fight to survive the night from relentless bloodthirsty cowboys on the hunt for human livestock.”

Humans hunting grandpas and grandmas is new, but the concept of humans hunting humans for sport is not. A couple ’o fun ones to watch are 1976’s Logan’s Run and 1987’s The Running Man, both of the sci-fi variety. Spoiler — lots of running. You’ll feel like you got a month’s worth of exercising after watching ’em.

Hunting Witches in New York

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 1, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Last Witch Hunter

Ass kicker Vin Diesel, with the most awesome name since my own (my birth name: Belt Sanders), stars as the last witch hunter in The Last Witch Hunter (releasing October 23, 2015). Which begs the question: Who was the first witch hunter? Okay, it was me. I go around chopping the tops off witches shaped like bottles of Budweiser and swallow their souls. They reside in me long enough to get the job done. Then it’s all down the drain from there.

The Last Witch Hunter

The Last Witch Hunter, planned as a franchise, is a supernatural thriller (they don’t call it “horror” if it has a big budget) and has Vin as an immortal witch hunter tasked with bringing a stinkin’ halt to a “horrific plague from ravaging New York City designed to end humanity.” I thought that already happened.

Rose Leslie

Another bonus is the fetching Rose Leslie plays Diesel’s beautiful witch partner who can assist where needed with all these bitchy witches. You may remember Rose who played Ygritte from this kinda obscure TV series called Game of Thrones. You probably heard about GoT, oh, I don’t know – EVERYWHERE.

The Last Witch Hunter

While Rose may be one of the most gorgeous gals ever in the history of the world, I can’t wait to see Vin Diesel stomp all over the witches like he did to those icky alien monsters in Pitch Black back in 2000. By the way, the alien monsters in PB weren’t just icky, they were double icky and Vin totally kicked their icky asses. Which means with The Last Witch Hunter they got the right guy for the right job.