Archive for frogs

Mother Nature Gone Wild

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 15, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Nature's Grave

Nature’s Grave (aka, Long Weekend/2008) — an Aussie horror flick about Mother Nature teaching humans a hard lesson about peeing in the woods. It’s also is a remake, which came out in 1978. Didn’t see that one. I bet they had 1970s’ haircuts and hippie clothes in that one.

Long Weekend

Peter and Carla are a young married couple whose marital status is like a shipwreck — on the rocks. Heh. This is due to Carla having an affair, getting knocked up and having an abortion without first finding out IF the kid was actually that of Mr. One Night Stand. They argue, call each other names interjected with swear words, bicker constantly…sounds like normal married life to me.

Nature's Grave

Going camping for the weekend to see if they can save what’s left of their relationship, they head for the out-of-the-way (yeah, I could’ve said isolated, BUT CHOSE NOT TO) Moondah Beach on Australia’s North Coast, a pristine wooded and beach-y area, a perfect place to discard empty beer cans and cigarette butts. And pee.

Nature's Grave

They find a dead sea cow washed up on shore, a first clue things aren’t cool. Then snakes start getting panties in a twist. Then ants wanna build an ant farm on your face. Then Peter finds other campers’ bodies hanging from trees. Then the bugs start bugging them. Then there’s that ghostly black figure in the water, which I think is a metaphor, but is more likely Aqua Sasquatch.

Nature's Grave

Freaked out, Carla takes off in the joint custody Jeep™, leaving Peter to wake up the next day with the dead sea cow laying next to him. Yeesh — that’s the last time he’s gonna go on a Foster’s Lager™ bender. You’ve heard of coyote ugly? This is 112 times worse.Nature's Grave

Running like hell to get the hell out of there, Peter stumbles across his dead wife. OK, one problem solved. Trying to escape Nature’s wrath, though, for all the thoughtless crimes against leaves and various bushes, Peter is surrounded by super mad foliage. And still that dark figure lurks nearby, making him freak the double heck out.

Nature's GraveAll of the stuff leading up to the final moment is horror lite, but it’s the unforeseen gnarly death scene at the end that will catch you off guard enough to actually make startled sounds come out of your spit valve.

Frogs

And if you really want a cool “nature strikes back” film, hop on down to the video store and rent Frogs (1972).

Aliens, Zombies, Ghosts, Frogs & Hippies

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, UFOs, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

10 Cloverfield Lane

Always look forward to the avalanche of post-holiday upcoming horror/sci-fi movies  every year. Why? More couch/snack time, b*tches! You wouldn’t want me to deny the couch the glory of my glory, would you? I sure as flip hope not.

Cloverfield

Anyway, a preview of six new impending new ones, starting with the tantalizing 10 Cloverfield Lane (March 11, 2016), which many Internet butt trolls are insisting is a sequel to 2008’s mega cool monster movie, Cloverfield. (The same thing was theorized about Super 8/2011).It’s made by the same guy, so there’s a legit connection. Plus it has the word “Cloverfield” in it, yet another “clue.”

Super 8

But other than those enigmatic ads, you really don’t get a sense of what the flip. The only fact for certain is they didn’t hire me as an extra. Those nobs.

Alienated

Up next is Alienated, due out March 25 theaters/March 31 VOD. Here’s the who/what/where on the dealio: “Alienated is a science-fiction chiller that tells the story of a married couple forced to confront their fatal relationship issues while on the brink of a possible alien abduction.”

I can guess what their problem is: Not enough probing, followed by too much probing. Marriages and exploratory extraterrestrials don’t really mix. Unless you live in a trailer park.

Dead Afterlife

Dead Afterlife is a sci-fi/ghost/zombie/religion/drug movie releasing sometime in 2016. Here’s what the studio’s front desk told me about it to get me to quit calling: “Imagine watching your own funeral as a ghost and then the unthinkable happens, your undead body climbs out of your coffin and starts killing and eating your friends and family. What would you do?”

That’s an easy one – I’d sh*t my pants, then immediately head to the nearest gas station restroom to freshen up. But they go on to say that after pharmaceutical scientist, Donald Conlee dies, his problems are just beginning. “The Gatekeeper has given Donald a time limit to return his zombie self to the ground – or else his soul can never gain access into Heaven. To complicate matters, he finds out his murderer is at the funeral and his girlfriend is in grave danger.”

Don’t you mean “former girlfriend”? If she was smart, she’d be re-hooked up the second the last shovel full of dirt sealed the deal.

Bad Blood

More drugs with Bad Blood (March, 2006). Frogs, too. (Not sure, but I think I overheard some hippies talking about licking frogs to get high. When you stick a reptile in your mouth, you pretty much deserve what you get.) Anyway…

“Parents suspect drugs are behind their missing daughter and hire a private investigator to get her back. The reality, however, is much worse – a horrific amphibian attack has left the girl infected with a mutagenic disease.”

Hey hippies – try licking the diseased daughter and see where that’ll take your mind, you morons.

The Darkness

The painfully generic titled The Darkness (May 13, 2016) is about a supernatural whozit who pretty much does what all supernatural whozits do: “As a family returns from a vacation they innocently bring home a supernatural force that preys off their own fears and vulnerabilities, threatening to destroy them from within while consuming their lives with terrifying consequences.

YOL. (Yawn out loud.)

The Other Side of the Door

The Other Side of the Door (March 4, 2016) comes across as YET ANOTHER spin on the ‘ol Monkey’s Paw dealio, best done as Pet Sematary back in 1983: “A mother lost her son and discovers a ritual that lets her say goodbye to her dead child and mistakenly opens the veil between the dead and this world. Now she has to risk all to save her family from the spirit that was her dear son.”

I bet the ritual came with a chant to resurrect her dead kid: “Clean your room, eat your vegetables, quit killing your sister…”

Mexican Octopus Man

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Octaman

I’ve been looking for years and finally found the Rent-A-Center™ Holy Grail of rubber suited monster movies: Octaman (1971). I’m gonna go ahead and give it four stars because hey, when you have a creature called Octaman, there’s simply no way it could suck. I found the movie poster as well. Looks like someone tinkled on it.

Octaman

There’s a lot of anti-healthy radiation in the waters around a Mexican fishing town causing those little detectors to make crazy clicking sounds. Think tap dancing crickets on Red Bull™. A science field trip, or “expedition”, heads south to find out what’s causing all that noise. (Crickets, probably.)

Octaman

What they find besides roadside margaritas is a small mutant octopus that can hang out on the beach as well as in it. Well hey, this needs to be studied. But that costs money. Where to get it? From a wallet fat circus owner who wants to financially exploit wet wiggler at his carnival. No wonder he owns a circus – that’s a really cool idea.

Octaman

Before you can say “10th Wonder of the World” the head science dude returns to camp to discover his entire crew of lab interns has been slaughtered into petri dish chunklets and that the cash creature is missing. I have so many theories about what may have happened, my head stings.

Octaman

Following a lead given by a young gossip-y villager, they find the octopus in a local lake, now grown to over seven feet tall with, as the poster says, amazing strength and a lust for killing. Sounds like me if I was soaked in radiation water and had nothing to eat but cricket tacos.

Octaman

Octaman is eventually cornered in a ring of fire and, after a blanket-clenching stand-off, looks as though his killing lust days are over. Not so fast, land walker – Octaman lives to wiggle his arms menacingly in your general direction another day, and goes abut re-killing people. What happens next? Let’s just say there are guns involved, followed by a calamari feast of community-feeding proportions.

Of all the world’s travesties, I’ll never understand why there wasn’t a sequel.

Giant Cursed Frog

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , on December 12, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Croaker

A giant cursed frog. Strangely, I’m down with this. I’m even OK with Croaker, the movie’s somewhat goofy name. I’ve always regarded frogs as being one of nature’s whoopee cushions as they make really funny disgusting noises when squeezed.

But far be from me to perform injustices on these pond ambassadors, like dissection in school classrooms or experiments with firecrackers firmly jammed where weapons of mass destruction should not be jammed.

Croaker

But I digress. Croaker is an indie horror move arriving February 1, 2014 with initial distribution secured for Amazon™, iTunes™, Netflix™ and Hulu Plus™. I say good for them.

Croaker

So here’s what to expect from Croaker, which was shot in Canonsburg, PA: “Four friends. Two brothers. One curse.” Yep, that’s all there is. I’m thinking, though, that the curse is genital warts.

Croaker

Hard to tell what the frog creature looks like head to flipper. But up front it bears an uncanny resemblance to the frog faced guy in Cirque du Soeil’s Totem. Giant frogs are one thing, but giant frogs skilled in the art of choreographed performance art is a whole new realm of horror. In a good way, though; Cirque puts on some quality entertainment. Just wish I could understand it as I have no idea what a “cirque” is. That’s probably French for “giant frogs rip your face off.”

Told you they were quality entertainment.