Archive for flesh

An Avalanche of Snow Sharks

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Avalanche Sharks

Killer sharks that swim through snow as though the snow was water? (OK, I get the irony that snow is already water, just more solid-y.) Two things come to mind: Avalanche Sharks is a blatant attempt to cash-in on the highly successful Sharknado franchise. Second, this premise was already done with 2011’s Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast.

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast

Look for Avalanche Sharks (releasing June 30, 2015) on Amazon, Google Play, iTunes, Vimeo, and VUDU as well as On Demand with AT&T and DirecTV. And to entice you to watch it, here’s the low down on the snow down…

“Bikini Snow Day is the busiest day of the year at Mammoth Mountain and the resort is packed with wild co-eds looking for a good time. When an unexpected avalanche rumbles down the mountain, it awakens ancient spirits in the form of massive sharks with a taste for human flesh. As the body count begins to pile up, the local sheriff must form an unlikely alliance with a motley crew of locals and tourists in order to kill off the terrifying creatures before it’s too late.”

Avalanche Sharks

Brain dead/dumbass plot notwithstanding, some clarification is required. First, Avalanche Sharks was originally titled Snow Sharks and might’ve been released on DVD in 2013. (I saw it on the Internet with a bar code and everything, I swear. That, and Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast beat ‘em to the punch by two years).

Ice Jaws

Secondly, Ice Jaws, the Japanese admat take on Avalanche Sharks is way more awesome. The art for all other snow shark movies gives me sno-cone headache.

Meat – It’s Good For Every Body

Posted in Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

Diary of a Cannibal

You gotta be careful who you meat, uh, meet online. Noelle and Adam connect in an online chat room called In The Garden of Eatin’ (OK, I made that part up) that’s full of delicious new people. They agree to meet in person, hold hands, smooch and rub each other’s tender loins.

Diary of a Cannibal As it turns out Noelle has a taboo-esque fetish involving the consuming of human flesh. As it also happens, Adam has a unique personality tick as well – to have his flesh dined upon. What are the odds of meeting your dinner mate on the web?

Diary of a Cannibal

Through artsy flashbacks, sparse dialogue (“Why won’t you cut out my spleen and grill it for dinner? Don’t you love me?” OK, I made that part up) and romantic music, both get their wish. The problem is, the extracting of grillables (only internal organs, not the flavor-laden buttsteak or femur soup bones) and shocking lack of blood and gore totally ruin this meal, to say nothing of the Art Institute™ level of acting.

Diary of a Cannibal

I never thought I’d ever have to say a cannibal movie was boring, but Diary of a Cannibal (2006) left a bad taste in my mouth – and not in a good way.