Archive for Field Freak

Swamp Monsters, Disposable Vampires and Boobs

Posted in Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Attacked On Set

Six months of non-stop rain and dreariness. Seattle weather could qualify as its own horror movie. So why do I continue to live here instead of, say, the Atacama Desert in South America, the driest desert in the world? For one thing, I would not want sand beetles as neighbors. Too noisy.

Anyway, here’s some stay-indoor upcoming horror movies to help take your mind off the stupid weather…

ATTACKED ON SET (March 21, 2017)
“When these girls lay down, things stand up. A perfect mixture of comedy, gore and campiness with lots of boobs and blood.”

Despite having one of the worst horror movie titles (and press releases) going, I do look forward to the boobular aspect of said dumbly named flick.

Vampire Cleanup Department

VAMPIRE CLEANUP DEPARTMENT (2017)
Vampires have been haunting Hong Kong for centuries. Because of this, hidden in this city is an official special action unit coping with them — the Vampire Cleanup Department (VCD). The street cleaners out at night are actually vampire hunters, their giant garbage bins containing the captured vampires. The ordinary garbage station is their secret headquarter.”

So to get rid of vampires all you have to do is throw ‘em in the garbage? Seems too easy; do you need to have garlic-flavored garbage bags lining said can? Should you throw your silverware in the trash along with said disposable vampires? That begs the question — are vampires recyclable? Hope so. Wouldn’t be cool to have landfills overflowing with discarded vampires.

Swamp Freak

SWAMP FREAK (2017)
“Six college students go into the wetlands to find their missing professor after he takes off in search of the mythical and deadly monster known as the Swamp Freak.”

Not to be confused with Field Freak (2016), which also features a mythical and deadly creature. Maybe they’re cousins.

Mayhem

MAYHEM (2017)
“A virus infects a corporate law office on the day attorney Derek Saunders is framed by a co-worker and wrongfully fired. The infection is capable of making people act out their wildest impulses. Trapped in the quarantined building, our hero is forced to savagely fight tooth and nail for not only his job but his life.”

Time to leave the corporate world and get a job with the less violent Vampire Cleanup Department.

Zombie Beavers

Posted in Bigfoot, Giant Monsters, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Field Freak

What is up with beavers these days? Joke opportunities notwithstanding, beavers have shown up on my horror movie radar alarmingly frequent these days. With just about every other creature of the forest being showcased as a “chew with your mouth open” monster, I guess it was only a matter of time before beavers – who perform a variety of important nature services – get their day in the sun.

First up is Field Freak (2014), the one-sheet poster of which is anything but a beaver. Then again, what do I know? I’m an indoor face. Maybe there have been scientific advancements in the field of freak beavers. Here be the plottage: “A family moves into a remote cabin only to be terrorized by a creature known as the Field Freak.”

Zombeavers

That doesn’t indicate beavers, rabid or otherwise, but the trailer (on this newfangled thing called “YouTube™”) makes beaver references throughout. Maybe the wood chompers are Bigfoot’s minions. I just don’t know.

Then there’s Zombeavers (2014), this year’s Sharknado (2013). The plot, if you could call it that, easily assembles like this: “A group of college kids staying at a riverside cabin are menaced by a swarm of deadly zombie beavers. A weekend of sex and debauchery soon turns gruesome as the beavers close in on the kids.”

Zombeavers

No wonder the beavers are drawn to the “sex and debauchery;” lots of…wood.

Don’t look at me like that.