Archive for festish

A Mouthful of Tongues

Posted in Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 10, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sixteen Tongues

I watched Sixteen Tongues (1999), a pseudo-intellectual, cyberpunk porn sci-fi, twice and still didn’t understand it. OK, I get the porn part, but the rest is pseudo-intellectual bull pucky.

Sixteen Tongues

Here’s what I pieced together: In the future a cop, horribly damaged by an explosion, is patched back together using the tongues of 16 people. An understatement to say he looks…unusual. He also makes people (male and female) pleasure him orally, then shoots them in the head. At no point did he read them their rights.

Sixteen Tongues

He lives in a seedy hotel next door to two shaved ladies, one into men, the other not, but both into each other. One is a horny Asian assassin with a freak fetish, the other a techno-junkie, on the search for a killer.

Sixteen Tongues

The horny assassin visits tongue man next door and she pleasures him with her tongue. He thanks her by not shooting her in the head, but leaves an oil slick of blood all over her chest as a souvenir of their first romantic moment. What a gentleman.

Sixteen Tongues

From there I lost the narrative. Hardcore porn plays on the TV around the clock but it’s blurred just enough to get a NR-rating. (That stands for No Refund.) In the end, a pretentious indie film made by people who don’t even know themselves what the movie is about.

Blood Gnomes

Posted in Evil, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Gnome

A crime scene photographer catches footage of small, toothy creatures that are invisible to all but the camera’s eye. He can’t prove their existence to anyone, but continues to investigate more and more sex-all-the-way murders, each with bodies that were a short time ago doing whips, leather and the meaningful holding of hands.

He finds a fetish gal to help him understand what S&M is all about. (Sodas and Marshmallows – duh.) This plot device is important as it means a LOT of girls get naked.

Blood Gnome

Directed to a conveniently local S&M mistress is the key as she has a giant crate in her “dungeon” containing a toothy, tentacled thingamajig that, when fed blood, gives birth to the “blood gnomes.” A by-product of these births is a milky goo that she sells as X, a powerful drug that makes Ecstasy look like baby aspirin.

Blood Gnomes

The gnomes are onto the photographer as he finally has photographic evidence, even instant-messaging him on his computer as to their demands. (I don’t know how they could type with those pointy claws, let alone find a store that would even sell a computer to a blood gnome.) When the S&M mistress kidnaps the photographer’s new girlfriend (the fetish gal) he has to rescue her. To not do so would totally be insensitive.

Blood Gnome

Shot on hand-held camera, Blood Gnome (2004) manages to rise above its budgetary limitations and actually has an attention-holding plot with some good back endery. Ahem. The grand display of bare boobies makes perfect sense when factored in with an S&M bondage mistress who owns a multi-tentacled creature in her garage.

Yeah, the blood gnomes look a little goofy and way too rubbery, but they get the job done. As do featured star Julie Strain’s monumental hood ornaments, which don’t look at all rubbery.