Archive for Fear The Walking Dead

Getting Soaked With Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Walking Dead

Looks like the new release horror/sci-fi movie/TV hose is going from dribble to Willy Water™ in no time as film studios pump up for a hopefully powerful Fall/Halloween release schedule. (P.S. Willy Water™ is a gas – I play with mine daily. Okay, that didn’t come out right.)

American Horror Story / Fear The Walking Dead

Horror TV has come a long way in the past seven years on the heels of the staggering critical and commercial success of The Walking Dead. The Internet is soiling itself speculating which of the beleagured group gets a home run hit to the brain bag with a barb-wire baseball bat, the excruciating cliffhanger from season 6. Like you, I have my theories. But I’m probably right and everyone on the Internet is wrong. I won’t gloat, though.

The Strain / iZombie

Then we have the final season of American Horror Story, the third season of Fear The Walking Dead (triple yawn) the third season of The Strain, and upcoming season three of iZombie (fun show – LOTS of brain eating recipes.) And if you haven’t seen ’em, reserve some butt/couch time for Stranger Things (left field awesome) and released earlier this year, The Returned (French made/subtitled – exquisitely creepy and…different.)

Stranger Things / The Returned

Amazingly, The Exorcist, a new TV series, is making its debut September 23, 2016 on Fox™. Not sure how they’re gonna pull this one off other than “demon of the week” with an exorcist guy getting “cross” (heh) with ’em. I’ll give it a shot, but it sounds like Constantine right outta the pew.

There’s more horror TV – all you have to do is slouch on the couch and watch ‘em. As for new horror movies, here’s another batch for your time-wasting consideration…

The Exorcist / Abattoir

ABATTOIR (in post-production as of this e-burping)
Plot: “A real estate reporter investigates a mysterious old man who is building a haunted house constructed from rooms where deaths have occurred.”
Thoughts: Sounds like a refreshing take on the haunted house theme that’s clogging up theaters with teen jump scare moments galore.

Guardians / The Disappointment's Room

GUARDIANS (Russia/February 23, 2017)
Plot: “During the Cold War an organization called Patriot created a superhero squad, which includes members of multiple Soviet Republics. For years the heroes had to hide their identities, but in hard times they must show themselves again.”
Thoughts: I liked it better when it was called The Avengers/Watchmen.

THE DISAPPOINTMENT’S ROOM (September 9, 2016)
Plot: “A mother and her young son release unimaginable horrors from the attic of their rural dream home.”
Thoughts: YET ANOTHER haunted house theme that’s clogging up theaters with teen jump scare moments galore.

Ouija: Origin of Evil / Daylight's End

OUIJA: ORIGIN OF EVIL (October 21, 2016)
Plot: The sequel takes place in 1965 Los Angeles where a widowed mother and her two daughters add a new stunt to bolster their séance scam business and unwittingly invite authentic evil into their home. The youngest daughter is overtaken by the merciless spirit, forcing this small family to confront unthinkable fears to save her and send her possessor back to the other side.
Thoughts: I’ve seen this before. You’ve seen this before, We’ve ALL seen this before. It’ll be the origin of stupidity if either of all of us pays to see it again.

DAYLIGHT’S END (out now)
Plot: “Years after a plague turns most of humanity into monsters, a rogue drifter agrees to guide a band of survivors to sanctuary.”
Thoughts: YET ANOTHER zombie movie with the SAME PLOT as about a thousand million other zombie movies.

Willy Water

Bored With The Horde

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on April 12, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Horde

News of zombie horror flick The Horde, releasing on DVD/VOD on May 6, 2016, is one of those “you’ve got to be kidding me” moments. First the plot, then a supportive argument, though you won’t need it…

“John Crenshaw has given up his life as leader of his Navy SEAL team to settle down and marry his girlfriend Selina. He accompanies Selina and her students on a weekend nature-photography expedition deep into the Oregon woods. What starts out as an educational and fun-filled weekend turns into horror as the group is besieged by an unspeakable evil – a horde of hideously disfigured, mutated humans with an insatiable taste for blood.”

Educational and fun-filled weekend? I’ve never heard a honeymoon quite described like that.

La Horde

Okay, let’s lift the hood and see where the problem is. First, there is already a French zombie movie called La Horde (2010), a superior one at that. (There’s also a 2012 Russian fictionalized narrative called The Horde of how Saint Alexius healed Taidula Khatun, the mother of the Golden Horde Khan Jani Beg from blindness. Of course I knew that.)

Secondly, using a Navy SEAL to battle zombies was just done in 2015: Navy SEALS vs. Zombies. (The SEALS kick ass, but to employ them here is an insult.)

Navy SEALS vs Zombies

Thirdly, the rest of the plot reads like an episode of The Walking Dead: “The horde savagely attacks the camp. John fights off some and is left for dead as the creatures, led by the sadistic Atkinson, take Selina and the group back to their camp. Battered and enraged Crenshaw must once again embrace the life he left behind to track down and kill the horde. With unrelenting danger around every corner he must deal with the savage mutants and human deceit.”

Lastly, the kicker line: “Fight Back or Die.” Seriously? Did someone get paid to come up with that? I so, I hope the check bounced.

Does anyone have a shred of zombie originality anymore? This is an argument aimed at 99% of all the undead crap clogging up humanity’s plumbing. (I’m looking in your direction, Fear of the Walking Dead.)

Message to filmmakers – send me $715.00 in small unmarked bills and I’ll hook you up with a sweet and original zombie movie idea that doesn’t fall back on a lazy title, Navy SEALS or photocopied plots.

Fear The Walking Dead

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 28, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fear The Walking Dead

As a hardcore mega fan of AMC’s The Walking Dead series, I liked the onset premise that they just threw you into the deep end of the dead pool without any back story as to how the undead came to be. (In episode “TS-19,” Dr. Edwin Jenner – the CDC’s last survivor – couldn’t answer the question, best guessing that it could be microbial, viral, or simply not washing your hands after playing with people poo. Okay, that last one is a personal theory as to why the dead have come back to get us.)

With the summer 2015 impending Fear The Walking Dead six-episode spin-off, questions are proposed and possible answers hinted as to how the world got f’d in the b-hole in the first place.

Fear The Walking Dead

My best guessing is that they won’t reveal the inception of the dead. Once you know the answer, the rest is just running, screaming, biting, chewing, burping, farting. Then repeating all of the above. Why ruin a good thing?

What makes The Walking Dead work so well has never really been the omnipresent zombies (okay, maybe for the first few episodes), but the characters themselves and the ridiculously dark places they go with each other just to survive.

Fear The Walking Dead

That established, Fear The Walking Dead – set in Los Angeles – has to step up hard out of the gate if they want to milk this cash cow. They can start by paying me big coupons to consult, direct and star in the series. And I’d have everyone get eaten by the undead except me, which would make me a hero of some sort.

I’ll have my agent call their agent to work out the deets.