Archive for fart

Vampire Party Night

Posted in Evil, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 10, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Transylmania

Transylmania (2009) is a knuckle-headed, horror spoof comedy about a bunch of sex/party/drugs obsessed college students attending a Romanian college for a semester. Homework includes vampires, vampire hunters, a sexy hunchback, body part swapping, and more boobs than you can shake your stake at.

Transylmania

The Razvan University is a castle that, when referred to, makes horses flatulent. Run by an evil dwarf principal whose drop dead gorgeous daughter is a hunchback, the school is also the scene of the vampire Radu’s search for his 500 year-old girlfriend whose soul got sucked into a music box.

TransylmaniaOne of the teachers, the bloody attractive Teodora Van Sloan, is an ancestor of the great vampire hunter Van Sloan, who did all the past thwarting. Turns out Radu is the spitting image of the perpetually horny American student, Rusty. That they both dress the same on Vampire Party Night isn’t making it easier for anyone.

Transylmania

A music box, when opened, transfers her soul into Lia, the painfully sexy and dumb nympho. This, understandably, causes more scratching of head. Both of ’em. Speaking of heads, a non-partying blonde twin gets her head cut off and her body used to reconfigure hunchback Draguta Floca. Her head manages to live and even admonishes her pot-head boyfriend and look-alike hard-partying sister for hooking up.

Transylmania

Some bonehead comedy, some hilarious bits (farting horses — heh), LOTS of bare naked boobies and micro-Goth bikini underwear. For all its slapsticking, Transylmania really made me re-think my polices on dating gorgeous hunchbacks.

Slacker Zombies

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 26, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Last of the Living

A pass-it-along virus has turned the world’s population into zombies. Oh, sure – there are a few non-zombies left, but not enough worth counting, three of which are slacker dudes unaffected by the virus and catastrophic event. They laze around on the couch, watching DVDs, playing video games, raiding the grocery store, and contemplate hooking up with any zombie girl that doesn’t look too rotted. Life is good.

Last of the Living

Out searching for a new place to live (they change houses as often as they don’t change their underwear), slackers Morgan, Johnny and Ash stumble across a hot chick and her dad in a church besieged by zombies. Turns out both are scientists and hold the potential key to turning everyone back into humans.

Last of the Living

Dad gets taken by the undead and the guys and the girl barely get out alive. That doesn’t stop them from hitting on her. But she doesn’t have time for bad pick-up lines – she needs to get a zombie blood sample to the lab for processing, then fly it to a nearby island (she’s also a pilot) where other scientists are working on a cure.

Last of the Living

Yep, the science facility is overrun by zombies, some of which are kids who can’t seem to keep a straight face. Plenty of slob humor connects the dots between the lab and the airport. Oops – the chick takes a zombie bite along the way and has about an hour before she turns. The flight is 40-minutes. The airport is 10 minutes away. You do the math.

Last of the Living

All of this is boneheaded fun and occasionally gory (a few skulls sliced open like organic squash), with a few touching moments thrown in as well. (The fart scene in the air vent will bring a tear to one of your eyes.)

Last of the Living

You can pretty much guess what happens when the plane has wheels up. It wouldn’t be very gratifying if you didn’t. The ending, though, isn’t. If I told you what it was, you probably wouldn’t watch Last of the Living (2008). But you should because it’s funny and fun. Just not the ending.

Bigfoot Costumes And Free Zombies

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

 

Love In The Time Of Monsters

Love In The Time of Monsters. Upcoming 2015 indie horror film or accurate term describing last call at The Poggie Tavern? Probably both.

In LITTOM (fingers too tired from gripping beer cans to type out the whole title), “two sisters travel to a cheesy tourist trap where they battle toxic monsters dressed in Bigfoot costumes in order to save the ones they love.”

I want a Bigfoot costume.

Love In The Time Of Monsters

Dead Rising: Watchtower, arriving March 27, 2015 has one of those titles that just screams “yawn.” Dead Rising? Really? Man, I can fart better sounding titles.

Sigh. Anyway, here’s the plot: “Watchtower takes place during a large-scale zombie outbreak. When a mandatory government vaccine fails to stop the infection from spreading, the four leads must evade infection while also pursuing the root of the epidemic, with all signs pointing to a government conspiracy. Politics, public paranoia, and media coverage play an important role in the story’s narrative.”

Dead Rising: Watchtower

In other words, seen it all before. And this is why zombie movies of late suck/keep sucking/continue to suck. Here’s a better title: Yawn Rising. (Watch – this thing’ll probably be a smash hit and make me eat my words like a mouthful of beer cans.)

P.S. Dead Rising: Watchtower is a Crackle Original™ (owned by Sony™), which means while it’ll be free, there will be a commercial every 2.6 minutes throughout the entire thing. If you think I’m kidding, go ahead and try watching ANYTHING on Crackle™ – it’ll make you wanna smash your face area with a TV/smart phone/tablet device.

Sun Gone Wild

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Solar Attack

Solar Attack (2006), a story about the earth’s atmosphere burning up, is about farting.

The sun farts (generically referred to as CME, or “coronal mass emission”) and sends said emission on a collision course with Planet Us. That’s not so bad. But all the farts we’ve been snapping off have created an elevated level of methane gas close to the ozone. That’s not so bad. But the holes in the ozone are big enough to let the CMEs in, where it ignites the methane, which burns like a hard fart and takes out all the oxygen we’re currently recycling. That’s bad.

Solar Attack

A radical plan is formulated to extinguish the incoming fire storm: detonate nuclear warheads over the North Pole, thereby sucking up enough water particles into the atmosphere, and hopefully putting out God’s BBQ. U.S. subs don’t have any nuclear warheads in the area that can handle the job. But the Russian sub does. It’s enough to make you fart in your own pants.

Solar Attack

Even though it borrows liberally from Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (the 1961 movie, not the TV show) with a smattering of The Hunt For Red October (1990) thrown in, Solar Attack has some squeezy moments that’ll keep you from lighting your own farts to see if the theory about methane catching on fire will suck up the atmosphere and kill us all. P.S. You’re thinking about doing that right now, I can tell.