Archive for Fantastic Four

Finnish Superheroes, Hitler Dinosaurs, Vampire Neighbors

Posted in Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 17, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Rendel

Been watching the new Marvel™ TV series Iron Fist on Netflix™. There are good aspects and some so bad it causes involuntary facial flinching. Daniel Rand, introduced as a kid who lost his corporate rich mom and dad in a relaxing vacation plane wreck over the Himalayas, is rescued by invisible monks and raised for the next 15 years to be the next Iron Fist, solely designed to wipe out the evil gang, The Hand. They beat him with sticks every day to reinforce their clenched mandate.

15 years later he shows up unexpectedly in downtown New York as a shoeless street bum (with hipster beard and an iPod™), trying to reconnect with his dad’s company. (He’s an heir worth billions and yet can’t afford socks, matching or otherwise.)

All of this I can get behind except they make him say and do stupid things. (Really bad chi-generating meditation moves and stilted kung-fu reference dialogue.) Worst, they give him a lava glowing fist that, when he’s provoked by violence, lights up and he can punch criminals and/or walls right in the sheet rock. Walls pretty much deserve it because they impede proper feng shui. Stupid walls.

All in all, mildly entertaining, but a surprising misstep by Marvel™, whose only blemish on a stellar track record has been The Fantastic Four. (Note to Marvel — PLEASE quite trying to make that one work. No one gives a crap about a guy who can stretch like a rubber band and another one who looks like passed kidney stones.)

Speaking of things to pass on, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that may or may not need to be medically assisted to leave your body…

RENDEL (2017)
“A dark avenger is born when a worldwide corporation known as VALA launches an untested vaccine called Nh25 into the market by bribing, threatening, and killing every official opposing them.

Rendel unleashes his own special kind of hell against VALA, threatening to put an end the distribution of Nh25 As blood spills and the money burns, VALA recruits a group of mercenaries to do what they seemingly can’t, eliminate Rendel permanently.”

Rendel is Finland’s first superhero movie. About time they jumped on the bandwagon. Heck, I’m filming my own superhero movie as we speak: Yell Man: Neighbor Wars (pending $10 million crowd-funding.) Sounds like Rendel is a cross between Spawn (1997) and, well, me (I have a suit just like his, so you can see why people would make the connection. And by people, I mean me.) Despite a personal affront, looking forward to this one.

Living Among Us

LIVING AMONG US (2017)
“A documentary crew is sent in to interview a family of vampires whose existence has been made known to the world. But soon the crew realizes their very lives are in danger as they uncover a deadly secret and must fight for survival.”

Sounds like they took the framework of Fright Night (1985) and went to town with it. So vampires are living next door. Might be time to order some garlic polo shirts and Internet-ordered wooden stakes and go door-to-door because now I’m thinking those aren’t just a-holes living next to me, but bloodsucking a-holes.

Iron Sky: The Coming Race

IRON SKY: THE COMING RACE (February 14, 2018)
“Twenty years after the events of Iron Sky, the former Nazi Moonbase has become the last refuge of mankind. Earth was devastated by a nuclear war, but buried deep under the wasteland lies a power that could save the last of humanity — or destroy it once and for all. The truth behind the creation of mankind will be revealed when an old enemy leads our heroes on an adventure into the Hollow Earth. To save humanity they must fight the Vril, an ancient shape-shifting reptilian race and their army of dinosaurs.”

You can look but you may not find anything as crazy cool as Iron Sky (2012). And now with it’s sequel (which I e-barfed about on November 11, 2014) is within release sight. The new trailer shows a reanimated Hitler riding a T-Rex like it was a hobby horse, looking to re-take the world from the inside out. (Turns out those hollow Earthers were right. My apologies.) Consider putting Iron Sky: The Coming Race on your to-do/bucket list.

Lovecraft_Country

LOVECRAFT COUNTRY (HBO/in-production)
“After his father goes missing, Black joins up with his friend Letitia and his Uncle George to embark on a road trip across 1950s Jim Crow America to find him. This begins a struggle to survive and overcome both the racist terrors of white America and the malevolent spirits that could be ripped from a Lovecraft paperback.”

Racists and dark god entities. And how does this differ from the current political administration? You’ve already seen this — every night on the news.

Melting Faces and Exploding Limbs

Posted in Foreign Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lab Rats

After being successfully Kickstarter’d, Lab Rats (2015), the British eco-horror film short’s trailer, is popping up like, um, rats all over the Internet. As promised via their crowd-funding pitch, Lab Rats is filled with “melting faces and exploding limbs.”

A relief to see melting faces that aren’t associated with binge drinking.

Lab Rats

Anyway, here’s what the lab cooked up: “Kat and her eco-warrior friends embark on a mission to expose the international bio-chemistry company, Ring-Amnion, as liars after a tip-off that they ran an animal testing lab – despite their public profile claiming otherwise.”

“The gang – and Kat’s 20,000 blog followers – are eager to find out what Ring-Amnion have been hiding as they break into an old building, but they aren’t prepared for what they find inside…”

Lab Rats

Crossing fingers here – I hope they find melted faces inside. Wanna see a teaser for yourself? Click HERE.

Lab Rats

I know what you’re thinking – there were Lab Rats before this, 2012 to be exact. Lab Rats – currently on its fourth season – is a Disney™ produced “sci-fi” show featuring a group of family TV-sanitized teens who have bionic super powers. Think Fantastic Four on high doses of Clearasil™.

Killer Sunshine

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 3, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sunshine

God blew out the candles on His birthday cake, the Sun. So in 2057 the space mission Icarus II is heading for the dwindling fireball with a nuclear bomb the size of Manhattan in hopes that it’ll re-ignite the bonfire so that those sun-dependant Earth wads won’t freeze their Old Navy™ pants off.

Sunshine

That was the plan for Icarus I, but it got lost in space in 2050 and wasn’t able to complete the mission. So seven years later Icarus II is almost there, and out of friggin’ nowhere they get a signal from Icarus 1. After much deliberation, they decide to go check it out in the hopes that their payload joined with theirs will increase their chances for success. This is where space dookey hits the space fan.

Sunshine

Both ships are so close to the sun they need to have their shields up so they won’t make like bacon. One catastrophic problem after another plagues the crew, who’ve calculated there’s only enough air for four people to complete the mission. That means the crew of seven (the eighth got barbecued during a space walk) have to make some hardass choices. If I was onboard I’d vote to get rid of everyone except me and the chick-o-nauts.

Sunshine

The ship’s computer has been sabotaged. The air lock is destroyed. They’re running out of air. There’s only one spacesuit – and it rides up too high in the crotch. Things get incredibly intense as the ship nears the sun (or “hot ball”). By now the crew knows they’re expendable, but have to complete the mission – which only has a projected 45% success rate – or the whole world will turn into a human ice cream freezer.

Sunshine

Sunshine (2007) is one of the more realistic sci-fi films this side of Planet of the Apes. The sun surface visuals are just what I imagine it to be in my dreams, as is the insurmountable problems the crew has to keep dealing with. Pillow-biting insane doesn’t begin to describe the lunar drama or atmospheric action. (Note: please don’t bite pillows…unless you’re in prison.)

Sunshine

Chris Evans, who played The Human Torch in the Fantastic Four movies, also stars. Ironic, given that he could flame on and save everyone the hassle if he only had his super powers in this flick. But that was the director’s call, not mine.