
Hotel Hell is an AI-generated travelers lodging and, if it were real, could very well usurp Hilton’s Curio Collection™ as THE place to stay while visiting downtown Portland, OR or Purgatory (same thing). As iHorror.com™ perfectly sums it up, “With its spacious Satanic-themed lobby and Baphomet bedrooms, this hotel seems as if it were designed to accommodate the demons in all of us.” Wonder if the hotel offers free Necronomicon bibles (preferably first edition) in their nightstands?

Digitally designed by Ink Poisoning™ Apparel (who have a line of must-have evil clothing — follow ‘em on Instagram™), they describe it thusly: “We offer the worst accommodations imaginable, from cramped rooms, broken furniture, and an over heated pool. At Hotel Hell, the wicked are subjected to eternal suffering and torment. They are punished for their sins and denied any chance of redemption or escape. They are tortured and tormented in a variety of ways, from physical pain to psychological anguish. They are also denied any chance of rest or respite, as they are doomed to suffer for all eternity. So come and experience the ultimate in misery and despair at Hotel Hell!”

This place needs to be crowd-funded right now. So while we all drain the tens of dollars from our life savings to make it happen, here are a few out now/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/documentaries that may or may not be as nightmarish as Hilton’s Curio Collection™…

ACCIDENTAL TRUTH — UFO REVELATIONS / Out now (VOD)
“The truth can no longer be contained by those duty-bound to hide it. Officials who interact with the public regarding the UFO question openly acknowledge that they know things that they can’t reveal. In Accidental Truth — UFO Revelations, the reality of an advanced intelligence engaging with humanity becomes undeniably clear.”
This always cracks me up —“advanced intelligence engaging with humanity.” This is like saying extraterrestrials think we’re a bunch of Netscape 3 level dumbasses. Okay they’re not wrong. But geez, there’s no need to rub it in our Netscaped faces.

INSIDIOUS: THE RED DOOR / July 7, 2023 (Theaters)
“A direct sequel to the first two movies, the story is set 10 years after the end of Insidious 2, where Josh Lambert heads east to drop off his son Dalton at an idyllic, ivy-covered university. However, Dalton’s college dream becomes a nightmare when the repressed demons of his past suddenly return to haunt them both.”
So this is the third title treatment given to an otherwise “meh” ghost’d franchise, the first two being Insidious: The Dark Realm and Insidious: Fear of the Dark, all of which suck in a sucky sort of way. P.S. I posted about this on December 2, 2022. The seas were rough that day and I had long since forgotten where I left my pants…

CRATER / May 12, 2023 (Disney+™)
“After the death of his father, a boy growing up on a lunar mining colony takes a trip to explore a legendary crater, along with his four best friends, prior to being permanently relocated to another planet.”
Ugh. Teen sci-fi. Still, it begs the question: why do meteors always seem to land in craters? I probably used that joke here before. Hey, if it ain’t broke…

NIGHT EXPLORERS: THE ASYLUM / Release pending 2023/2024
“When a group of urban explorers get the chance of a lifetime to explore one of the world’s most haunted asylums, they encounter something truly evil, that will not let them leave and will push them to the edge of sanity.”
I Goggle’d™ “world’s most haunted asylum” and it came up, “The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum in Weston, WV is widely regarded as one of the world’s most haunted places. It was built in the 1800s during the Civil War and contains a lot of secrets from that time until its closing in 1994.” And here all this time I thought it was the Tug Tavern. Now I’m super confused. Again.