Archive for Extinction

Undead Ale, God Powers, Drug Bugs

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, demons, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2023 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Just when you think drinking couldn’t get any more fun, Zombeer™, brewed in Russia, is bottled with uniquely clever packaging: a three-layered sticker label that, when scratched, creates a whole new design with alternate zombies. As the sales sheet instructs, “Tear your human casing apart leave human worries behind and become a zombie.” Awesomely awesome. But if I’m drinking beer, that means I already left my human worries behind.

From brewery’s press release: “Zombeer™ is brewed by small Moscow brewery Solod™ in the Belgian style and has a high density and strength. Enjoy a complex taste of malt sweetness with a hint of caramel, chocolate and dried fruits. Fermented in a bottle.” The irony here is, when you drink beer, YOU become fermented.

While I wait for a case of it to be shipped to me (only set me back 34376.07 Rubles), here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not make you feel like scratching your face off…

ISLAND / Out now (Amazon Prime™)

Evil took its first step to destroy the world. On the mysterious Jeju Island, the gateway to this, Van is a mix of human and monster. Won Mi-ho is the center of fate. And Johan is exercises God’s power. The all come together in this strange, yet captivating, action-packed exorcism fantasy, in which they fight evil, sharing the fate of saving the world — and to defy their own.”

Hard top pick which super power I’d want. Since I’m already a mix tape of human and monster, it’d be cool to be the center of fate, if only to wield as a bar trick. Having God’s power means you get to live in the sky and make people give you money in order to worship you. And you wouldn’t even need a Stargate to get around town. I’ll go with that one.  

BIRDEMIC 3: SEA EAGLE / January 24, 2023 (VOD)

“When global warming triggers chaos along the Northern California coast, two scientific researchers will discover tender romance, appalling CGI, automatic weapons, and attacks by sea eagles that could lead to the extinction of life on Earth.”

There is no place for romance in a world under attack by sea eagles using their beaks of doom to cause global extinction. Quit being love birds and let the grisly gulls bestow an epic party fowl on humanity.

WOMAN OF THE PHOTOGRAPHS / February 7, 2023 (VOD)

“Kai, a solitary and skilled digital photographer, begins a twisted romance with a model suffering from body dysmorphia and obsessed with appearing perfect in her photos.”

Dysmorphia is defined as having mental disorder characterized by the “obsessive idea that some aspect of one’s own body part or appearance is severely flawed and therefore warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it.” No wonder women buy so much makeup.

SWALLOWED / February 14, 2023 (VOD)

“After a drug run goes bad, two friends must survive a nightmarish ordeal of drugs, bugs and horrific intimacy in this backwoods body-horror thriller.”

Just say no to bugs.

Refrigerated Zombies

Posted in Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Extinction

Extinction, YET ANOTHER zombie movie, is releasing summer of 2015 and hopes to cash in, uh, cast the undead in a new light. Specifically, by halting the rotting process, thereby keeping the living corpses as fresh as a flesh-eating popsicle.

And how do they do this? By ending the world with a catastrophic ice age. Many die, few don’t. Those that freeze their buns off become zombies (referred to as the “infected”) and are kept in people-devouring form due to the refrigerated climate. Survivors now have to deal with staying warm long enough to be eaten as a human hot plate for the zombies.

Extinction

This sets up a paradox – with no need for a refrigerator, beer can be kept outside and thus chilled to perfection. However, zombies are outside and will chew you out for any attempt to retrieve said beer. I’m thinkin’ it’s worth the risk.

P.S. Extinction should not be confused with the same named following…

Extinction

Women and Dinosaurs

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Extenction

Totally not surprised to see a “dinosaurs run amok” movie coming out as anticipation swells for the impending Jurassic World (2015), in which dinosaurs run amok. Extinction (previously known as The Expedition) premiers in London on February 25, 2015. I shan’t be there.

Extinction, which is a slight title improvement over The Expedition, goes a little something like this: “Deep in the Amazon jungle a research team lead by a respected Professor embark on an expedition to protect vulnerable and endangered species. After a series of strange events their superstitious guides abandon them and the team choose to remain deep in the jungle, dedicated to the project. But as night falls in the camp they begin to realize that all is not as it seems, and that they are in the hunting ground of a predator – one they never could have expected.”

I call B.S. on the whole “they are in the hunting ground of a predator – one they never could have expected” thing. Did they not see the movie poster? Clearly, the predator is a flippin’ dinosaur. Geez people – open your eyes for crying out loud.

Heh.

XX

Changing lanes entirely, XX (2015) is an anthology of four short stories using women as the hook. Can’t tell if this one is a good movie or not because they don’t show any boobs on the movie poster. (Don’t look at me like that.) Guess I’ll just have to roll the dice on a movie ticket to find out if I’m wrong or not. (Note to movie studio – uncool to release the artwork and not a plot. You just ruined my entire day.)