Feral Werewolf

Does a werewolf crap in the woods? And if it did, would there be anyone to step in it? There are entire college courses given over to philosophical quandaries such as this. Still in school or not, it makes one think.

So think about this: what if a cub scout troop goes into the woods, gets lost, and fall prey to a Kai, a local legend werewolf thought to crap all over the same forest they’re wandering around in?

That’s the premise of Cub, a heavily-lauded indie Dutch horror movie that made the film circuit rounds in 2014 and is ready for release in the UK on June 15, 2015 and here in the States on August 22, 2015. But Cub is nowhere near being a werewolf movie, the topic of which was just the local spiel designed to scare the crap outta kids and to keep them tourist Euros rolling in. Here’s the real deal…

“Sam, a young imaginative twelve-year-old boy heads off to camp with his Cub Scouts pack and leaders. Once they enter the woods, Sam quickly feels something is not quite right. He soon stumbles upon a mysterious tree house and meets a shifty, masked feral-looking child.”

“When Sam tries to warn his leaders, they ignore him. As Sam gets more and more isolated from the other scouts, he becomes convinced a terrible fate awaits them: the Feral Child, it turns out, is the helper of the Poacher, an evil psychopath, who has riddled the forest with ingenious traps and is intent on slaughtering the scouts one by one.”

I bet anything one of the traps is a pile of werewolf doo doo that everybody steps in and tracks all over the forest. Talk about evil…

Spanish Zombie Apocalypse

Been an enthusiastic fan of the [REC] Spanish zombie horror series, beginning on a stormy afternoon in 2007 (the seas were rough that day), and continuing with [REC] 2 in 2009, the impressive sequel involving the military coming in to see what all the face-eating fuss is about in that ill-fated apartment building. (You did see the first one and know what I’m yapping about, yes?)

Then came the inevitable cash-in/pointless [REC] 3: Genesis (2012), in which a wedding is crashed by face-eaters/well-wishers (taking place before, during and after the original outbreak that turned everybody into face-eaters/well-wishers).

Now comes [REC] 4: Apocalypse, first yapped about on this here barf blog on May 9, 2013 at 2:55PM. In that post I included the movie’s synopsis. Here it is again, practically word-for-word. I could’ve gussied it up, but crap, I’m really hungover today…

“Angela Vidal wakes up in a high-security quarantine facility, sole survivor and witness to the horrific events inside the building. But does she remember what happened to her? Is she carrying a virus? Distrust spreads through the isolated facility while new, even more deadly forms of evil spread even faster.”

[REC] 4: Apocalypse FINALLY gets a release date in Spain this Halloween/2014. (Note to travel agents: [REC] was filmed in Barcelona with a budget of two million dollars. It made 32 million at the world box office. That’s a good return on your Euros.

It’s been bandied about that [REC] 4: Apocalypse is to be the final installment of the surprise hit zombie franchise. Good – that means I can star in the U.S. knock-off – [REC] 4.1: Death Hangover. I’ll be in full character.