Archive for elevator

Game Show Horror

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Hellevator

Hellevator is an upcoming horror-themed game show hosted by Jen & Sylvia Soska, who look exactly like each other. Either they’re twins (unlikely) or that’s some serious make-up special effects (my money is on this one.)

Debiting in October 2015, Hellevator goes like this: A team of three friends rides a haunted elevator into various levels of an abandoned warehouse. One player must get out on each floor and conquer a frightening challenge in order to earn money for the team. But if they don’t make it back in time, the elevator moves on without them. Horror film icons Jen and Sylvia Soska, aka the “Twisted Twins,” pull the strings throughout the game – taking delight in the horror.”

Cool, yes – but still a game show. Those dumbass things suck harder than nuclear powered vacuum cleaners. But judge for yourself, suckas.

Hellevator

While we’re on the subject of sucking, the game show creators sucked the Hellevator title right out from underneath a 2005 Japanese horror/sci-fi movie of the same name. Accurately described as a “bloody and claustrophobic social satire, Hellevator: Bottled Fools (the original title) has an odd but super weird plot:

Hellevator

 

“Luchino’s routine morning elevator ride up from her subterranean home on level 138 to her school many stories above turns horrific when the elevator operator is ordered to pick up two passengers from floor 99, the maximum security level. What starts as psychological manipulation soon turns wholly physical as both the cruel convicts and Luchino’s own dysfunctional past are unleashed. And then every passenger must fight for his or her survival.”

If only they could turn that into a game show…

Parentless Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

House of Voices

In need of a job, Ana is young, pregnant and hired to clean up after a bunch of runny-nose orphans at a huge orphanage where they manufacture orphans. The “school” for abandoned WWII kids is empty for the summer, but the place is a stink hole, so she takes the gig, knowing it’s better than working for Kinkos™ and hoping it’ll get her mind off the fact her former employers raped and beat her.

House of Voices

Two people remain in the cavernous orphanage: an old lady who serves as the school’s cook/doctor (what can’t be healed goes in the pot) and a “disturbed” young gal whose mind is a silverware drawer where none of the silverware matches. A crazy chick practically alone in a spooky old building? Hell, the only thing missing is me, a bottle of Jager™ and a roll of paper towels.

House of Voices

But something’s not right in the building besides Ana’s roommate’s sense of reality. Noises, voices, spectral farting. (OK, that one was really just part of my wish list). Ana was warned about the scary children. Now we’re getting somewhere. Previously brought to the school by the bus load, about 300 war-wounded kids turned up in various stages of bleeding. With only one doctor and a nurse, let’s just say some of ’em didn’t need a doctor bill at the end of the day.

House of Voices

Determined to find out who or what the scary children are, Ana and demento chick go into the big bathroom where there hangs a big mirror, which conceals a big mystery. Ana chucks a flashlight through the glass and damn if there isn’t another room back there. And hey – there’s a service elevator just big enough for her to crawl in. Yeah, that’s what I’d do in a haunted house – squeeze into an elevator that hasn’t been used for years and throw the switch. Why doesn’t Casper just come right out of the wall and push me down the shaft?

House of Voices

The elevator goes screaming down for what seems like three commercial breaks. When it opens, Ana discovers the hospital wing of the orphanage. It’s all painted an eerie white and lit up like a Christmas barbershop. Uh, oh – somebody’s about to go into labor. Good timing…something is down there with her. But what could it be?

House of Voices

House of Voices (aka Saint Ange, 2004) is a pretty darn creepy and atmospheric flick, but the story takes freakin’ forever to get where its going. A couple of nice distractions: Ana’s boobs. While this movie does not end on a happy note, I think I tracked down that cool crazy chick on Facebook™.

Shafted By The Shaft

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 4, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Shaft

What’s more believable – a freak lightning storm doing a Frankenstein number on the bio-mechanical computer chips that control elevators in a 100 story New York skyscraper, thereby bringing ’em to life, or that I actually paid money to rent this movie? Don’t answer that. I mean it.

The Shaft

One would logically assume killer elevators would have but one method for killer-ing people: bottom floor – everyone out. But credit where credit is due, these possessed elevators chop off heads, sever torsos, suck people in at the bottom floor and zoom up 91 floors in two seconds and spit ’em off the observation deck, and have the floor break away, thereby letting people fall down the shaft like so many shrieking snowflakes.

The Shaft

The dumb part (ahem) is to dress it up in a muddled conspiracy involving bio-engineering, government cover-ups, a crooked elevator company owner and a persistent news reporter (Naomi Watts), who suspects SOMETHING IS WRONG.

The Shaft

The Millennium Building (actually the Empire State Building, but King Kong holds the copyright on that) is thought to be a terrorist target. So the military moves in. A “save-the-day” elevator repairman sneaks in, steals a Stinger (an Army weapon, not something sticking out of a bumblebee’s butt) to shoot the elevator right in the down button.

And to think how much more enjoyable The Shaft (2001) would’ve been had they just chalked it all up to Satan. Aptly titled – I definitely got the shaft on this one.