Archive for Element X

Heavy Metal King Kong

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

King Kong Escapes

That flaming a**hook Dr. Who has an evil plan so complex it couldn’t possibly fail. An unnamed country – as represented by the alluring-yet-undatable Madame Piranha – needs Element X, a radioactive organic material found in the North Pole’s ice hole. With it they can fashion designer nuclear bombs and, by extension, rule the world.

King Kong Escapes

Dr. Who has been contracted by said unnamed country to mine said radioactive mineral. So he builds Mecha-Kong, a 60-foot replica of King Kong, to dig it out. Because MK’s a robot, it’ll be able to withstand the rock’s harmful glowing rays and…oops, Mecha-Kong shorted out and can’t do the minimum-wage job he was hired for.

King Kong Escapes

The plan is changed to hunt down the real King Kong on the south seas island of Mondo and take him to the North Pole after they hypnotize him into working long hours with no employee benefits. This actually works. Kinda.

King Kong Escape

Kong’s hairless-but-real friends – a U.S. submarine commander, his second-in-command and a blonde nurse with a weird voice – race to assist our fuzzy hero as he swims to Japan to have a re-match with Mecha-Kong. (An earlier bout had Mecha-Kong punching Regular Kong in the face with a banana-loosening roadhouse right.) Payback’s a b*tch as Regular Kong pursues Mecha-Kong up the Tokyo Tower and returns the Hawaiian punch sustained earlier.

King Kong Escapes

As fun as King Kong Escapes (1967) movie is, a couple of issues need to be addressed. 1. Mecha-Kong does not slip on the North Pole’s slick permafrost, even though his feet are made of non-grip metal. 2. Regular Kong doesn’t get drunk on jungle juice and make cool faces like he did in King Kong Vs. Godzilla (1962). 3. While under hypnosis Kong understands English commands. (That hairy butt always pretends to “no comprende´” whenever I want him to do stuff.)

King Kong Escapes

Lastly, their movie names are “Kingukongu” and “Mekanikongu.” That does not work for me. What does work for me is watching giant monsters punching each other in the nuts. So, like, mission accomplished.