Archive for DVD

Home Alone Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Them

Them is a 2006 French movie, or “film” about a young couple being terrorized by hoodie’d figures while in their sprawling, multi-level country home. That the chick is a school teacher and her boyfriend who appears to make his living just by being handsome, seems highly improbable that these two could afford a one bedroom apartment let alone a veritable mansion surrounded by upscale foliage.

Them

First there are the prank calls. Then goofy noises. Then their power goes out. Then you have 60 minutes of them being chased from room to room by a group of 15 year-old boys.

Them

The boyfriend gets his butt stabbed, which admittedly looked painful. But all this movie is about, is the couple trying to get away from the young boys who murdered a mom and daughter in a stalled vehicle the night before. At least I think they were murdered. You never actually see any murderousness being done. Same with the pursued couple.

Them

Them was trumpeted as “gripping, suspense-filled terror.” It is not. What you will grip, though, is the DVD remote’s fast-forward button. Them’s arguable redeeming quality is that this kind of home invasion horror reignited the genre and gave us a string or “pile” of ‘em, the better ones being The Strangers (2008), The Collector (2009) and You’re Next (2011). The best one? Try When A Stranger Calls, made back in 1979. I think my mom was in that one.

UFO Portraits, 14 Phobias, Grizzly Deaths

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

UFO Presences

There are at least two billion books on the subject of UFOs. (Statistically speaking, that means at least one book on UFOs is unfake.) Adding to that steaming pile of pics and reprinted newspaper articles is UFO Presences (by Javier Arcenillas/2018) has the distinction of being sold out in every Target™ store that stocked it. And all this time I thought Hanes™ Men’s Underwear was king of the cash register.

UFO

UFO Presences (published by Distributed Art Pub Inc. in hardback format), comes in an economic 115 pages for $22.48 (the MSRP is $35.00) and is more photo than recounting UFO sighting word barf. This is great news for those of use who would rather watch cartoons than read a newspaper. FYI: The book is still available on Amazon.com for $22.81 — but you have to pay postage. Looks like Target™ just gave Amazon the one-finger shipping salute.

UFO

While you can find the same photos online for free, one simple cannot have enough books on UFOs, if anything, to impress the ladies. If the subject of unidentified flying objects isn’t up Uranus, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not land you a second date…

Dogged

DOGGED (July 9, 2018/UK)
“When ten-year-old Megan Lancaster meets a grizzly and untimely end, Sam is forced to return to the remote tidal island where he grew up to attend the funeral. A testing relationship with his disconnected parents, a reunion with his estranged girlfriend Rachel, and a cryptic message from the island’s doctor force Sam to investigate the events leading up to Megan’s tragic death. The truth is far more shocking and unbelievable than Sam wants to acknowledge, and his life begins to spiral out of control in a macabre descent of paranoia. Sam must race against tide and time to expose the seedy underbelly of the island, and to save the lives of those he loves.”

This one’s been available in the UK since the year before this one (I forget what that is), and is now coming out on DVD. No American release scheduled as of yet, though looking over the hot mess that is the movie’s press release, I think I can pass the time watching paint dry for my viewing pleasures.

A Taste of Phobia

A TASTE OF PHOBIA (2018)
A Taste of Phobia features 14 International filmmakers as they peer into the twisted and often self-violent world of phobias.”

This one got me thinking about my own acute phobias. For instance, I have a fear of non-alcoholic beer, flying (actually, I have a fear of not flying), and getting probed by aliens while sober. (Not that I want to be probed in the first place, but I’d need to have a few drinks first, you know, to take the edge off.)

Being

BEING (2018)
Looked everywhere for the official plot, but couldn’t find one, though I did uncover a fun fact: E.T. stands not for “extraterrestrial”, but rather, “extra testicle.” Wheeeeee!

The Being

That gleefully said, avoid at all costs of harm to your health of confusing this with 1983’s The Being. That movie’s press release: “A mutated creature is wreaking havoc in a small town in Idaho. A police chief and a government scientist team up to save their rural town from its menace.” Sounds like they have it handled. Bravo, small town Idaho.

The Onania Club

THE ONANIA CLUB (2018/2019)
Set in Hollywood, Tom Six’s The Onania Club promises to be “one of the most vile, inhumane movie experiences of all time.”

The same could be said about my proctology exam results, except being set in the movie capital of the world. There’s nothing in that back lot Hollywood needs to see.

Heavy Metal Godzilla, Partying With Bigfoot, Zumba Your Demons

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

For those breathing toxic air in Japan (last time there, I came down with itai-itai, or “ouch-ouch”) who’ve seen Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017), the happy slobber-inducing feature-length anime, two things your life depends on knowing.

First, they changed the title from Godzilla: Monster Planet (thereby embarrassing my cheeks red for reporting it as such).

Secondly, a sequel has already been green-lighted/green-lit and already put into production, called Kessen Kidou Zoushoku Toshi (May, 2018). This abstractly doesn’t translate to Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla Monster Planet. (G’Zilla may not be actually versusing Mechagodzilla, but why else would Mecha-G be there, to direct traffic?)

MechagodzillaThey better not change the title on me or I will become so fukōna sawagi.

The sequel premiers in Japan movie theaters in May of 2018, so it’ll be some wait later it gets shown here on the telly. Until that time and space arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that better have the correct titles…

Exorcism of the 7th Demon

EXORCISM OF THE 7TH DEMON (available now)
“After a possession led to his daughter’s suicide, Michael has made it his mission to save others from the same fate. Struggling with faith and purpose, he takes on Satan’s army and the demons that seek his demise.”

Didn’t see the first six exorcisms (aka, not drinking for almost a week). Sobriety, like a demon, is evil, man.

Where Birds Don't Fly

WHERE BIRDS DON’T FLY (available now)
“A serial killer leaves a trail of brutality in San Bernardino, California and it is up to a team of hardened detectives to try and catch him before more innocent lives are taken.”

I think this came out on DVD (a shiny flat 8-track) earlier this year, but available now on VOD (invisible 8-track; can’t tell if its shiny). So EVEN MORE movies about serial killers — like we don’t have enough in back stock in real life.

Inoperable

INOPERABLE (December 1, 2017/limited theatrical run)
“A young woman wakes up in a seemingly evacuated hospital with a hurricane approaching. She realizes the storm has awakened malevolent forces, trapping her in a time loop. She must escape the hospital before the storm passes or she will be trapped in its halls forever.”

Sounds like Groundhog Day (1993) with the possibility of more blood gunk. These time loop themes are pretty fun. Look to The X-Files’ “Monday” (1999) for an excellent example. Then try Run Lola, Run (1998), Triangle (2009), Haunter (2013), and the under-rated Edge of Tomorrow (2014). Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. (I keep getting this odd feeling I’ve done that before.)

Cherokee Creek

CHEROKEE CREEK (2017/2018)
“A bachelor party in the woods gets crashed by the ultimate party animal.”

Calling Bigfoot a “party animal” is pretty dang funny. Not sure why a bunch of dudes are having a bachelor party in the woods. Seems like Las Vegas or The Poggie Tavern might be better choices, what with their relaxed rules on soiling oneself in public due to an overdose of alcohol fun. But hey, If I had the choice, I’d party in the woods as well, what with the possibility of getting drunk with Bigfoot. That’d be pretty sweet.

Monster Guide, Halloween on Halloween, Evil Stuff

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frightfest Guide: Monster Movies

For those of us who still know how printed books work (no swiping left or right required), you might wanna swipe, uh, I mean, purchase the just released The Frightfest Guide to Monster Movies (Dark Heart of Cinema), written by longtime horror movie critic and Fangoria writer/editor, Michael Gingold. The price? A mere $24.93 with free shipping from Amazon Prime™. (If you live in England Town and order from Fabpress.com, it’ll set you back 20£ or “quid”. (Translation: $26.38 U.S.)

Frightfest Guide: Monster Movies

From the book’s press release: “Celebrated writer, editor, and critic Michael Gingold traces the history of the genre from the silent movies all the way through to the present day. From Universal Studios legends such as Frankenstein’s Monster and the Wolf Man, to the big bugs, atomic mutants and space invaders that terrorized the ’50s, to the kaiju of Japan and the ecological nightmares of the ’70s and ’80s, to the CG creatures and updated favorites of recent years — they’re all here.”

Frightfest Guide: Monster Movies

Guess I’ll have to raid the quid swear jar and get a copy. There might not be enough shillings in there, so time to start cussing like an Irish longshoreman at last call. While I practice yelling “shite” at the top of my lungs, here are a few recently released and upcoming horror I swear you may or may not watch…

The Invoking 3: Paranormal Dimensions

THE INVOKING 3: PARANORMAL DIMENSIONS (available now)
“Hundreds of disturbing paranormal events occur every year. Most of these terrifying encounters go unreported – until now. Enter the disturbing world of The Invoking 3: Paranormal Dimensions, where the undead come to wreak havoc upon the living. Grim Reapers, evil poltergeists, satanic forces and conjured spirits will feed off your fear and drag you into the abyss of waking nightmares.”

How this movie isn’t about alcohol abuse is beyond me. I see this stuff ALL THE TIME whilst excessively imbibing.

10/31

10/31 (October 31, 2017)
“A new horror anthology in the vein of V/H/S (2012) and Creepshow (1982) brings an ensemble cast together to spin twisted tales of the macabre. The poster is by Travis Smith who’s designed artwork for Metallica, Slayer, Avenged Sevenfold, Opeth and others.”

Cool poster. Hope the movie is as good. I like anthologies as my attention span is dwindling by the…

Live Evil

LIVE EVIL (October 31, 2017/Amazon/VOD)
“When a small college town police station is besieged by ‘Evil’ on a sleepy Halloween night, Pete, the sheriff, and Hancock, his loyal deputy, are thrown into the middle of holy chess game that could destroy the town, and possibly the world.”

Shouldn’t that be UNholy chess game? Why would Evil play a holy game? That’s like playing golf with bowling balls.

I Remember you

I REMEMBER YOU (November 10, 2017/DVD/VOD)
“After a woman hangs herself in a church, a new psychiatrist discovers she was obsessed with the disappearance of his eight-year-old son, who vanished three years earlier. Meanwhile, three city dwellers are restoring a house when they realize it is haunted, and a mysterious child named Bernodus, who disappeared 60 years earlier, is discovered as the link between the two groups.”

[Disclaimer: Already brought this to your attention a few months ago. This is the updated U.S. key art and a whole new pithy commentary.] Who names their kid “Bernodus”? Is he Greek? Are the names Jacob Marley or Casper not spooky enough? And why would a woman hang herself in a church? What, tying a rope around your neck and stepping off a wobbly stool not sufficiently religiously offensive?

Zombies, Demons and Santa

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

All Through The House

The hardest part about shoveling my way through the Internet (or “world  wide web”) is finding potential brainertainment (fun times for your frontal lobe) and then never actually getting to see it. I chalk that up to Republicans.

Regardless of that particular crushing disappointment, I’ll continue to slip on my digital hip-waders and go fishin’ for your/my/our horror super fun happy times. To that…

ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE (out now)
“Fifteen years ago a peaceful Christmas neighborhood was engulfed by fear when five-year-old Jamie Garrett was mysteriously taken from her bedroom, never to be seen again. Now on Christmas break, Rachel Kimmel comes home from college to find her neighborhood struck again by a reign of terror. A violent killer is hiding behind a grisly Santa mask, leaving a bloody trail of slaughtered women and castrated men on the steps of the Garrett house. Rachel finds herself in a horrifying nightmare as she discovers the twisted secret behind the mask.”

After countless Christmas horror movies, Santa – however evil or f’d up – isn’t scary anymore. I’ll still watch this (man, I just don’t know why), but if you want some seriously f’d up Kris Kringle action, put Krampus (2015), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010), and Sint (2010) on the ’ol Victrola.

The Monster

THE MONSTER (October 6, 2016 / DirecTV; November 11, 2016 (VOD / Limited)
“Mother and daughter trapped and tormented in a black forest by a screeching creature – it is unlike anything heard before. Not human. Not animal. Like a thousand horses, like a mother’s clamor, a baby’s wail, a father’s howl. Only a mother’s protective love, her most primal instinct, can save her daughter from what’s lurking in the darkness.”

Screeching creature. Sounds like an ex-wife. Or soon-to-be ex-wife.

Day of Reckoning

DAY OF RECKONING (October 8, 2016)
“The story begins fifteen years in the past when the world suffered a horrific global disaster when millions of demon-like creatures ascended from the bowels of the earth, swarming the entire planet, and feasting on mankind for one full day. This event became known as the Day of Reckoning. A less-than-perfect husband and father tries to save his broken family from the return of the demon-creatures in modern day Los Angeles.”

It appears they took the premise of The Purge (2013), replaced the fake monsters with real ones, and are covering this slaughter salad with a tangy gory dressing. Crud – now I’m hungry.

Zombies

ZOMBIES (October 21, 2016)
“A virus leaves the world in shambles and plagued by blood-thirsty zombies. Will Luke and his crew have enough strength and ammunition to stay alive long enough to outlive the undead?”

A virus? Really? They couldn’t come up with something even slightly original, the title notwithstanding? It’s annoying enough ANYONE is making YET ANOTHER zombie movie. But to rely on a plot device so overused it could have come from 99% of every other zombie movie since Night of the Living Dead (1968)? And I thought I was lazy when I throw my slipper at the TV channel to change it.

P.S. I don’t really wear slippers. I meant to say flippers. Hey, they’re suprisingly comfortable. Who knew?

One Billion Frankensteins

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

Like the monster itself, Frankenstein branded movies just won’t die. Hence, Frankenstein: Day of the Beast, which “coincidentally” arrives weeks within Victor Frankenstein (2015), the big-budget re-imagine of the seriously overplayed story of science’s first zombie. Here’s how the one billionth version of Frankenstein goes…

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

“In a foggy winter morning, a raft brings a priest to an isolated island. He is getting paid to perform a wedding ritual under very mysterious conditions. The groom is Victor Frankenstein, and the young and beautiful bride is his cousin Elizabeth. Seven armed and dangerous mercenary soldiers have been hired to protect her against something huge that hides in the woods, awaiting for that wedding night to be consummated. Victor is the only one who knows the truth about their enemy. His secret will be paid with the life of his private army, whose men will die one by one, as the creature gets closer to his target: the bride.”

He’s marrying his cousin? Now there’s a way to make more deformities in the lab.

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

IMDB.com shows Frankenstein: Day of the Beast as having a November 2011 release. Like Victor’s famous monster, the movie must’ve arrived D.O.A. as I don’t recall hearing anything about it since. (Apparently, it was only released in Germany and Japan. I can see Germany, but Japan? They already have enough knock-offs.)

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

But hey, thanks to the science of licensing and distribution, you can now see Frankenstein: Day of the Beast on Blu-ray™ in the States and Canada via a sweet hook-up with SGL Entertainment.

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

To be fair, even though the mere thought of YET ANOTHER interpretation of the 1818 Mary Shelley novel (Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus) gives me science gas, the trailer for FDotB looks to have high production values/makeup/effects. That’s puts them ahead of at least a half-billion versions.

Hell in the Cell

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Last Shift

Described as “John Carpenter’s Assault on Precinct 13 but with a supernatural twist,” Last Shift is a feel-good horror movie pitting a chick cop against a demonic ghost. I know what you’re thinking – is the chick cop gonna drop top? We’ll have to wait and see when Last Shift is finally released on DVD sometime during the day on October 6, 2015.

Last Shift

Here’s what they’re telling us/me/you: “Officer Jessica Loren has been assigned to wait for a Hazmat team to pick up bio-hazardous waste from the station’s armory. But unbeknown to Jessica, cult Leader John Michael Paymon has haunted the department ever since he and two of this followers committed suicide a year ago to date. And now, Jessica is about to find out how dangerous they can be when she’s left alone on this…last shift.”

Last Shift

This one was originally titled Paymon: The King of Hell. I like that a hell of a lot more than The Last Shift, which left me with a “gum didn’t come out of the machine” look on my face. Why someone actually thought Last Shift is a better title is supreme bafflement of the highest order.

Paymon: The King of Hell

There have been other horror movies with a similar theme. The one that burps to the surface of my mind is 2011’s Inkubus, starring Freddy Krueger (or “Robert Englund”) as the title character.

Inkubus

Here’s what that one is all about: “Inkubus tells the story of a skeleton crew working the final shift at a soon to be demolished police station. The night takes a gruesome turn when the demon Inkubus calmly walks into the station holding the severed head of a murdered girl. Inkubus toys with the crew, allowing himself to be restrained, and begins to proudly confess to his litany of crimes, some dating back to the Middle Ages.”

No doubt Inkubus is gonna get a ticket for murder. But to toy with cops? He’s looking at a life sentence.