Archive for DVD

Heavy Metal Godzilla, Partying With Bigfoot, Zumba Your Demons

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Godzilla

For those breathing toxic air in Japan (last time there, I came down with itai-itai, or “ouch-ouch”) who’ve seen Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters (2017), the happy slobber-inducing feature-length anime, two things your life depends on knowing.

First, they changed the title from Godzilla: Monster Planet (thereby embarrassing my cheeks red for reporting it as such).

Secondly, a sequel has already been green-lighted/green-lit and already put into production, called Kessen Kidou Zoushoku Toshi (May, 2018). This abstractly doesn’t translate to Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla Monster Planet. (G’Zilla may not be actually versusing Mechagodzilla, but why else would Mecha-G be there, to direct traffic?)

MechagodzillaThey better not change the title on me or I will become so fukōna sawagi.

The sequel premiers in Japan movie theaters in May of 2018, so it’ll be some wait later it gets shown here on the telly. Until that time and space arrives, here are a few upcoming horror and sci-fi movies that better have the correct titles…

Exorcism of the 7th Demon

EXORCISM OF THE 7TH DEMON (available now)
“After a possession led to his daughter’s suicide, Michael has made it his mission to save others from the same fate. Struggling with faith and purpose, he takes on Satan’s army and the demons that seek his demise.”

Didn’t see the first six exorcisms (aka, not drinking for almost a week). Sobriety, like a demon, is evil, man.

Where Birds Don't Fly

WHERE BIRDS DON’T FLY (available now)
“A serial killer leaves a trail of brutality in San Bernardino, California and it is up to a team of hardened detectives to try and catch him before more innocent lives are taken.”

I think this came out on DVD (a shiny flat 8-track) earlier this year, but available now on VOD (invisible 8-track; can’t tell if its shiny). So EVEN MORE movies about serial killers — like we don’t have enough in back stock in real life.

Inoperable

INOPERABLE (December 1, 2017/limited theatrical run)
“A young woman wakes up in a seemingly evacuated hospital with a hurricane approaching. She realizes the storm has awakened malevolent forces, trapping her in a time loop. She must escape the hospital before the storm passes or she will be trapped in its halls forever.”

Sounds like Groundhog Day (1993) with the possibility of more blood gunk. These time loop themes are pretty fun. Look to The X-Files’ “Monday” (1999) for an excellent example. Then try Run Lola, Run (1998), Triangle (2009), Haunter (2013), and the under-rated Edge of Tomorrow (2014). Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. (I keep getting this odd feeling I’ve done that before.)

Cherokee Creek

CHEROKEE CREEK (2017/2018)
“A bachelor party in the woods gets crashed by the ultimate party animal.”

Calling Bigfoot a “party animal” is pretty dang funny. Not sure why a bunch of dudes are having a bachelor party in the woods. Seems like Las Vegas or The Poggie Tavern might be better choices, what with their relaxed rules on soiling oneself in public due to an overdose of alcohol fun. But hey, If I had the choice, I’d party in the woods as well, what with the possibility of getting drunk with Bigfoot. That’d be pretty sweet.

Monster Guide, Halloween on Halloween, Evil Stuff

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frightfest Guide: Monster Movies

For those of us who still know how printed books work (no swiping left or right required), you might wanna swipe, uh, I mean, purchase the just released The Frightfest Guide to Monster Movies (Dark Heart of Cinema), written by longtime horror movie critic and Fangoria writer/editor, Michael Gingold. The price? A mere $24.93 with free shipping from Amazon Prime™. (If you live in England Town and order from Fabpress.com, it’ll set you back 20£ or “quid”. (Translation: $26.38 U.S.)

Frightfest Guide: Monster Movies

From the book’s press release: “Celebrated writer, editor, and critic Michael Gingold traces the history of the genre from the silent movies all the way through to the present day. From Universal Studios legends such as Frankenstein’s Monster and the Wolf Man, to the big bugs, atomic mutants and space invaders that terrorized the ’50s, to the kaiju of Japan and the ecological nightmares of the ’70s and ’80s, to the CG creatures and updated favorites of recent years — they’re all here.”

Frightfest Guide: Monster Movies

Guess I’ll have to raid the quid swear jar and get a copy. There might not be enough shillings in there, so time to start cussing like an Irish longshoreman at last call. While I practice yelling “shite” at the top of my lungs, here are a few recently released and upcoming horror I swear you may or may not watch…

The Invoking 3: Paranormal Dimensions

THE INVOKING 3: PARANORMAL DIMENSIONS (available now)
“Hundreds of disturbing paranormal events occur every year. Most of these terrifying encounters go unreported – until now. Enter the disturbing world of The Invoking 3: Paranormal Dimensions, where the undead come to wreak havoc upon the living. Grim Reapers, evil poltergeists, satanic forces and conjured spirits will feed off your fear and drag you into the abyss of waking nightmares.”

How this movie isn’t about alcohol abuse is beyond me. I see this stuff ALL THE TIME whilst excessively imbibing.

10/31

10/31 (October 31, 2017)
“A new horror anthology in the vein of V/H/S (2012) and Creepshow (1982) brings an ensemble cast together to spin twisted tales of the macabre. The poster is by Travis Smith who’s designed artwork for Metallica, Slayer, Avenged Sevenfold, Opeth and others.”

Cool poster. Hope the movie is as good. I like anthologies as my attention span is dwindling by the…

Live Evil

LIVE EVIL (October 31, 2017/Amazon/VOD)
“When a small college town police station is besieged by ‘Evil’ on a sleepy Halloween night, Pete, the sheriff, and Hancock, his loyal deputy, are thrown into the middle of holy chess game that could destroy the town, and possibly the world.”

Shouldn’t that be UNholy chess game? Why would Evil play a holy game? That’s like playing golf with bowling balls.

I Remember you

I REMEMBER YOU (November 10, 2017/DVD/VOD)
“After a woman hangs herself in a church, a new psychiatrist discovers she was obsessed with the disappearance of his eight-year-old son, who vanished three years earlier. Meanwhile, three city dwellers are restoring a house when they realize it is haunted, and a mysterious child named Bernodus, who disappeared 60 years earlier, is discovered as the link between the two groups.”

[Disclaimer: Already brought this to your attention a few months ago. This is the updated U.S. key art and a whole new pithy commentary.] Who names their kid “Bernodus”? Is he Greek? Are the names Jacob Marley or Casper not spooky enough? And why would a woman hang herself in a church? What, tying a rope around your neck and stepping off a wobbly stool not sufficiently religiously offensive?

Zombies, Demons and Santa

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

All Through The House

The hardest part about shoveling my way through the Internet (or “world  wide web”) is finding potential brainertainment (fun times for your frontal lobe) and then never actually getting to see it. I chalk that up to Republicans.

Regardless of that particular crushing disappointment, I’ll continue to slip on my digital hip-waders and go fishin’ for your/my/our horror super fun happy times. To that…

ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE (out now)
“Fifteen years ago a peaceful Christmas neighborhood was engulfed by fear when five-year-old Jamie Garrett was mysteriously taken from her bedroom, never to be seen again. Now on Christmas break, Rachel Kimmel comes home from college to find her neighborhood struck again by a reign of terror. A violent killer is hiding behind a grisly Santa mask, leaving a bloody trail of slaughtered women and castrated men on the steps of the Garrett house. Rachel finds herself in a horrifying nightmare as she discovers the twisted secret behind the mask.”

After countless Christmas horror movies, Santa – however evil or f’d up – isn’t scary anymore. I’ll still watch this (man, I just don’t know why), but if you want some seriously f’d up Kris Kringle action, put Krampus (2015), Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010), and Sint (2010) on the ’ol Victrola.

The Monster

THE MONSTER (October 6, 2016 / DirecTV; November 11, 2016 (VOD / Limited)
“Mother and daughter trapped and tormented in a black forest by a screeching creature – it is unlike anything heard before. Not human. Not animal. Like a thousand horses, like a mother’s clamor, a baby’s wail, a father’s howl. Only a mother’s protective love, her most primal instinct, can save her daughter from what’s lurking in the darkness.”

Screeching creature. Sounds like an ex-wife. Or soon-to-be ex-wife.

Day of Reckoning

DAY OF RECKONING (October 8, 2016)
“The story begins fifteen years in the past when the world suffered a horrific global disaster when millions of demon-like creatures ascended from the bowels of the earth, swarming the entire planet, and feasting on mankind for one full day. This event became known as the Day of Reckoning. A less-than-perfect husband and father tries to save his broken family from the return of the demon-creatures in modern day Los Angeles.”

It appears they took the premise of The Purge (2013), replaced the fake monsters with real ones, and are covering this slaughter salad with a tangy gory dressing. Crud – now I’m hungry.

Zombies

ZOMBIES (October 21, 2016)
“A virus leaves the world in shambles and plagued by blood-thirsty zombies. Will Luke and his crew have enough strength and ammunition to stay alive long enough to outlive the undead?”

A virus? Really? They couldn’t come up with something even slightly original, the title notwithstanding? It’s annoying enough ANYONE is making YET ANOTHER zombie movie. But to rely on a plot device so overused it could have come from 99% of every other zombie movie since Night of the Living Dead (1968)? And I thought I was lazy when I throw my slipper at the TV channel to change it.

P.S. I don’t really wear slippers. I meant to say flippers. Hey, they’re suprisingly comfortable. Who knew?

One Billion Frankensteins

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

Like the monster itself, Frankenstein branded movies just won’t die. Hence, Frankenstein: Day of the Beast, which “coincidentally” arrives weeks within Victor Frankenstein (2015), the big-budget re-imagine of the seriously overplayed story of science’s first zombie. Here’s how the one billionth version of Frankenstein goes…

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

“In a foggy winter morning, a raft brings a priest to an isolated island. He is getting paid to perform a wedding ritual under very mysterious conditions. The groom is Victor Frankenstein, and the young and beautiful bride is his cousin Elizabeth. Seven armed and dangerous mercenary soldiers have been hired to protect her against something huge that hides in the woods, awaiting for that wedding night to be consummated. Victor is the only one who knows the truth about their enemy. His secret will be paid with the life of his private army, whose men will die one by one, as the creature gets closer to his target: the bride.”

He’s marrying his cousin? Now there’s a way to make more deformities in the lab.

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

IMDB.com shows Frankenstein: Day of the Beast as having a November 2011 release. Like Victor’s famous monster, the movie must’ve arrived D.O.A. as I don’t recall hearing anything about it since. (Apparently, it was only released in Germany and Japan. I can see Germany, but Japan? They already have enough knock-offs.)

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

But hey, thanks to the science of licensing and distribution, you can now see Frankenstein: Day of the Beast on Blu-ray™ in the States and Canada via a sweet hook-up with SGL Entertainment.

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast

To be fair, even though the mere thought of YET ANOTHER interpretation of the 1818 Mary Shelley novel (Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus) gives me science gas, the trailer for FDotB looks to have high production values/makeup/effects. That’s puts them ahead of at least a half-billion versions.

Hell in the Cell

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 13, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Last Shift

Described as “John Carpenter’s Assault on Precinct 13 but with a supernatural twist,” Last Shift is a feel-good horror movie pitting a chick cop against a demonic ghost. I know what you’re thinking – is the chick cop gonna drop top? We’ll have to wait and see when Last Shift is finally released on DVD sometime during the day on October 6, 2015.

Last Shift

Here’s what they’re telling us/me/you: “Officer Jessica Loren has been assigned to wait for a Hazmat team to pick up bio-hazardous waste from the station’s armory. But unbeknown to Jessica, cult Leader John Michael Paymon has haunted the department ever since he and two of this followers committed suicide a year ago to date. And now, Jessica is about to find out how dangerous they can be when she’s left alone on this…last shift.”

Last Shift

This one was originally titled Paymon: The King of Hell. I like that a hell of a lot more than The Last Shift, which left me with a “gum didn’t come out of the machine” look on my face. Why someone actually thought Last Shift is a better title is supreme bafflement of the highest order.

Paymon: The King of Hell

There have been other horror movies with a similar theme. The one that burps to the surface of my mind is 2011’s Inkubus, starring Freddy Krueger (or “Robert Englund”) as the title character.

Inkubus

Here’s what that one is all about: “Inkubus tells the story of a skeleton crew working the final shift at a soon to be demolished police station. The night takes a gruesome turn when the demon Inkubus calmly walks into the station holding the severed head of a murdered girl. Inkubus toys with the crew, allowing himself to be restrained, and begins to proudly confess to his litany of crimes, some dating back to the Middle Ages.”

No doubt Inkubus is gonna get a ticket for murder. But to toy with cops? He’s looking at a life sentence.

The Pain In Spain Falls Mainly On My Brain

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Para Elisa

The Spanish horror film Para Elisa came out in 2013, but it’s not until now (2015, if memory serves me correct) that it’ll be available on DVD and VOD September 1. Since I don’t live in Spain or anywhere on its bus line, never got to see it. Dang que. (That’s Spanish for “dang it.”)

Not too heartbroken, though, as I’m not a big fan of sub-titled horror movies. You spend the whole movie reading when you should be screaming. [Note to whomsoever: I don’t really scream during horror movies. I’ve been known to snore, though.]

Here’s a refresher on Para Elisa in case you forgot: “Desperate for some post-graduation cash, party girl Ana answers a babysitting ad. She arrives for an interview at the elegant home of Diamantina, a former child prodigy pianist who is now an eccentric old woman who collects antique toys and dolls.”

Para Elisa

“Ana is disturbed by Diamantina’s odd behavior and horrified to discover that her child, Elisa, is not a child but rather a deranged woman her own age. Before Ana really understands what’s happening, she finds herself trapped in the house and made to serve as Elisa’s new toy – a toy that like many others before it may well be broken.”

Need more convincing? Check out the trailer – and bring your reading glasses.

P.S. “Para Elisa” is actually a song by Beethoven and translates to “For Elisa.” Nice to see 11 years of internet Spanish lessons haven’t let me down.

Bloody Good Punch

Posted in Scream Queens, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Blood Punch

Blood Punch. Sounds like something you’d drink at a Slayer fondue party. In actuality, it’s a horror movie with some gnarly violent violence. This one dates back to Fall of 2013, but I can’t remember that year, let alone how this blood punch stain got on my shirt. (Must’ve been a crazy good fondue party.)

Blood Punch finally comes out on DVD/VOD September 1st, 2015. Exclusive DVD material includes deleted scenes, outtakes and test footage. Extras seem like padding or “meatloaf filler” to me.

Anyway, here’s the get down: “Blood Punch is a bloody thriller, centered on a murderous love triangle that takes a shocking and grisly supernatural turn. Milton, a brilliant chemistry student breaks out of court-mandated drug rehab with a mysterious bad girl, Skyler.”

Blood Punch

“Looking to recruit a cook for a one-day drug score, she lures him to an isolated cabin with her psychotic and trigger-happy boyfriend Russell. Russell reveals he plans to murder Milton as soon as he is finished cooking the drugs, and their simple love triangle quickly descends into a mind-blowing supernatural cycle of carnage and mayhem with no end…and no escape.”

Drugs are stupid. Beer, or “smart water,” is the only path need taken.

For all intents, Blood Punch is a hit. (Heh.) It won the Dark Matters Award at the Austin Film Festival, it scored Best Director and Best Feature at the Hoboken Film Festival, and has walked with no less than seven additional Audience and Best Feature awards.

P.S. Don’t do drugs.