Archive for Dutch Boy

Another Baker’s Dozen Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Thir13en Ghosts

An evil rich uncle figured out a way to capture souls and store them in stay-fresh cubicles in his house, which is made of glass walls with Latin slogans on them to keep the pesky dead from touching his stuff.

Thir13en Ghosts

These ghosts aren’t of the Casper variety — they’re the most gnarliest, f’d-up poltergeists on the planet, looking like they came from Marilyn Manson’s shiny pants.

Thir13en GhostsEach of these ghosts were chosen for their unique energy, which, when combined with a demonic machine and a spell from some spell book, will open the Eye of Hell, allowing the user to see behind the creation curtain. (I’ve seen it — just a bunch of boxes filled with last year’s Christmas decorations.)

Thir13en Ghosts

A family inherits the evil uncle’s house after said relative dies while trying to round up a ghost that doesn’t want to be rounded up. “This isn’t a house; it’s a machine made by the Devil and powered by the Dead,” remarks one ghost-hunter. An understatement — all the ghosts are contained in the basement, but the family screws around with the buttons in the Rubik’s Cube™ mansion and let the stinky wraiths out. Then it’s smack ass time.

Thir13en Ghosts

These ghosts make Hellraiser’s Cenobites look like cotton candy vendors at Disneyland™. Blood and guts decorate the stylish glass walls like Dutch Boy™ paint. Lots of swearing, tension, and a handful of flinchy moments that’ll have you tossing your popcorn before you eat it, thereby wasting it.Thir13en Ghosts

2001’s Thir13en Ghosts (a hardcore graphic re-imagining of 13 Ghosts/1960) is quite lean on suspense and backstory, though, which makes it hard to give the ghosts some love when you don’t really know anything about them. As for the evil uncle, it’s not explained why he’s so mean. No matter; It’s heartwarming to see such ultra-violence and brain goo.

Zombie Rainbow

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on November 18, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Do you like intestines, stomach parts and/or limbs separated from their plug-ins? Then you’ll totally heart Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone (2001), an extreme gore gooshfest.

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Zombies here come in all the colors of the Dutch Boy™ rainbow: vein blue, bile green, ripped rectum red, even seagull egg white. A med student who can’t figure out how to do exams with his finger, a nerd-boy who doesn’t know what a female boob is, and a pro wrestler unite to do battle with this colorful zombie plague that has overtaken their Argentinian (!) urban village.

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

But these brain-hungry zombies aren’t brainless – they’re being controlled by someone. The city has been cordoned off by the FBI, so it’s either have lunch or be lunched on. Along the way the pro wrestler employs the use of a ridiculously long intestine (that keeps farting) to trip up the zombie rappers, ninjas and poker players. (I don’t care what you say – fart jokes NEVER get old).

Plaga Zombie: Mutant Zone

Another excellent scene: where Max (the wrestler) rips an arm off a presumably dead body and uses it like a nunchuck.

Outstanding gore – and buckets of it: Heads go split, flesh goes rip, torsos go splat, eyes go burst. This ain’t drama, it’s art. Sure, it looks like it was made with a mid-range priced Best Buy™ digital video camera. But this isn’t the time nor place for Hollywood.