Archive for Dumbledore

Restored Zombies, Giant Animals, Predictable Slashers

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 16, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Night of the Living Dead

If you’re not doing anything on February 13, 2018, you can buy Criterion’s 4k digital restoration of Night of the Living Dead. Yeah, we’ve all seen the movie a billion times. But this one comes with new snazzy features, like the never-before-seen 16mm dailies reel, new programs about the editing, the score, and directing ghouls and an essay by film critic Stuart Klawans. There’s lots more, but this is already starting to feel like a to-do list.

While we impatiently wait to see YET ANOTHER repackage of the same movie we’ve seen a billion times, here are a few just released and upcoming horror/sci-fi movies you that you may or may not watch a billion times…

American Bigfoot

AMERICAN BIGFOOT (aka, Kampout/available now)
“Enraged by the murder of it’s offspring, a Bigfoot rampages through the countryside of Southeast Ohio. Detective Benson, Ranger Thomas and Bigfoot researcher Hank scramble to locate the legendary creature before it attacks a group of teenagers on a camping trip in an isolated place called Kampout.”

Of course Bigfoot’s an American. So much so, I’m surprised his fur isn’t red, brown and blue. And whoever killed the Bigkid, deserves to taste the business end of an American boot.

The Strangers: Prey At Night

“A family’s road trip takes a dangerous turn when they arrive at a secluded mobile home park to stay with some relatives and find it mysteriously deserted. Under the cover of darkness, three masked psychopaths pay them a visit to test the family’s every limit as they struggle to survive.”

Second verse, same as the first. Surprised as to why it’s taken 10 years to barf up a sequel. Not surprised that all they did was move the location and slap a limp biscuit of a title on it.


RAMPAGE (April 20, 2018)
“The first privately owned space station is destroyed by a mysterious experiment done on board. Three canisters from the crash land on Earth. One lands in the gorilla enclosure at the San Diego Zoo, the other in the plains of Wyoming and the last one in the Florida Everglades. The Griffin Technologies Group, headed by two siblings, tries to destroy any evidence of wrongdoing before the government finds out. It’s too late because the canisters have infected a gorilla named George, a wolf in Wyoming and an alligator. They start evolving and growing exponentially. To cover their tracks, the Griffin idiots decide to unleash a beacon that will make all three large animals head toward one destination: their head office located in the Willis Tower in Chicago.”

A giant gorilla, wolf and alligator. King Kong and Crocosaurus should sue for face infringement. As for the giant forest dog, good luck finding a proportional fire hydrant.

Fantastic Beats: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Grindelwald had escaped from the Wizard Cops and is preparing to build up his evil army. Young Dumbledore will enlist his favorite student, Newt, to help fight said army. Tragic and powerful Credence has possibly been turned to the dark side, though he seemed pretty annoyed when Grindelwald betrayed him.”

Another money-printing Harry Potter prequel. Too bad the press release just spoiled it by telling us Grindelwald got away from the Wizard Cops. I wanted to be the one to do it.

Human Seafood

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 13, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in


Richard Harris (the first DumbledoreAlbus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, to be g*ddamn exact) plays Nolan, a barnacled sea captain who is offered many sand dollars if he can capture a great white shark for a big time aquarium. Don’t forget to pack the Band-Aids™ and tourniquets, pal.


Not knowing the difference between a shark and an orca, Nolan and his crew harpoon a female killer whale. As she’s being pulled out of the sea, she miscarriages all over the place. I was completely unaware she was pregnant, let alone married or living in sea sin.


Before the crew can haul her back to the aquarium, her mate comes to the rescue and pounds the living crap out of the fishing vessel. The decision is made to cut the female loose, which they wisely do. But the male orca is not done with them yet and eats one of the sailors. (He probably smelled enough like fish to be considered edible.)


Nolan is super unhappy about this and now it becomes a sea foam-y grudge match. Rather than stay onshore where the orca can’t ever get him, Nolan unwisely decides to go after the maddened whale. Ha – that’s all part of the orca’s plan as he leads them north to cold and icy water. (He got this idea from his good buddy, Frankenstein’s monster.)


A showdown on an iceberg clearly puts the ball in orcas’ court, wherein it gets a hold of Nolan and flings his harpoon-happy ass onto the ice. They don’t call him a killer whale for nothing. The scene where Nolan slowly slides into the water is classic – he looks like a frozen Otter Pop™ with facial hair.


If anything Orca (aka, Orca: The Killer Whale/1977) confirms my lifelong theory that you shouldn’t piss of anything with the word “killer” in its name.