Archive for District 9

Extraterrestrial Hooptie

Posted in Aliens, Godzilla, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Arrival

Two trailers and four international ad posters were just released to honk the marketing horn on the upcoming big-budget sci-fi alien invasion movie, Arrival (November 11, 2016). I’m giddy in anticipation, although a bit disappointed in the Uber™ the extraterrestrials use to get to this toilet Earth.

Arrival

Not resembling what we’re used to seeing as a UFO, this spacecraft looks like a giant black potato chip, possible a Pringle™. Or is it Queen Kong’s diaphragm? Or Godzilla’s heel pad to help relieve his nagging plantar fasciitis, a painful condition a result of decades of stepping on sharp edged buildings/screaming citizens? Or perhaps one of those Julep Konjac Cleansing Sponges™ you can get on QVC.com for $12?

Konjac Cleansing SpongeWhile you mull these propositions, here’s what Arrival wants us to buy into…

“When mysterious spacecraft touch down across the globe, an elite team – led by expert linguist Louise Banks – is brought together to investigate. As mankind teeters on the verge of global war, Banks and the team race against time for answers – and to find them, she will take a chance that could threaten her life and quite possibly humanity.”

Arrival

Man, that’s a weak press blurb. How can you address the arrival of aliens without even once mentioning probing? I think the movie’s marketing team needs to do a bit more homework. I suggest starting in the locker room of the YMCA.

District 9

As alien spacecraft go, I’m voting for the one in District 9 (2009). Man, I’d trade my car for one of those sweet rides.

Space Termites

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 28, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Apocalypse

After 40 years in hyper sleep during an exploratory space journey, Ivan Hood (played by the immortal Bruce Campbell) can’t wait to see the future.

He envisioned a utopian society and making lots of money pimpin’ out his skills as a chiropractor. But what he and his space mates of two chicks and another guy discover is that the Earth has been appropriated by seven-foot tall termites that have enslaved the human race to work in sawmills, harvesting lumber to ship back to the bug planet as take-out food.

Alien Apocalypse

Ivan escapes the insect overlords and encounters longhairs living in the woods outside of the reach of termite tyranny. These pacifists won’t help him overthrow the aliens because they like their lifestyle of hanging out in the forest and drinking potato liquor and listening to some crunchy grooves. Just as I suspected – future hippies.

Alien Apocalypse

Through their slacker conversations Ivan finds out the President lives in the Cascade Mountains and will one day lead the revolt against the buggers. So Ivan and a few hippies (including one really hot chick in a leather thong) go to find him. And find him they do, living with the rest of Congress and being nothing more than talking gas bags as they can’t seem to pass a bill banning illegal aliens.

Alien Apocalypse

But it’s all too flat as the entire plot of Alien Apocalypse (2005) runs out of space originality after the first ten minutes. If you’re not gonna spend time on head-eating violence, then we need to get back to the other important plot message: the chick in the leather thong.

P.S. Looks like District 9 (2009) borrowed more than a cup of sugar from Alien Apocalypse for their alien’s termite look…

Alien Apocalypse