Archive for demonic possession

Pet Monsters, Human Monsters, Religious Monsters

Posted in Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Okja

The neighborhood had one of those community garage sales the other day. it’s always fun to rummage through other people’s crap. Hit pay dirt, though, when I found a box of ‘80s horror movies on VHS tape for .25 cents each.

I was so happy until I got home and realized I don’t have a VHS player. Sigh. Might as well go listen to that box of 8-tracks I also scored for about the same price and… Oh, crud; I don’t have an 8-track player, either. There’s $2.00 I’ll never see again.

On that Einstein note, here are some upcoming horror/sci-fi that may or may not be worth .25 cents to watch…

OKJA (June 28, 2917/Netflix)
“For 10 idyllic years, young Mija has been caretaker and constant companion to Okja – a massive animal and an even bigger friend – at her home in the mountains of South Korea. But that changes when the family-owned multinational conglomerate Mirando Corporation takes Okja for themselves and transports her to New York, where image obsessed and self-promoting CEO Lucy Mirando has big plans for Mija’s dearest friend.”

Sounds like a re-imagineering of King Kong/Mighty Joe Young. And looking at the giant creature’s silhouette (is that a French word? Sure the heck seems like it is), it probably eats about 100 pounds of food per meal. At first glance I thought it was a hippo. But when was the last time you saw a hippo on a leash? That’s like putting a turtleneck sweater on a  giraffe.

The Monster Project

THE MONSTER PROJECT (2017)
“A recovering drug addict takes a job with a documentary crew who plans to interview three subjects who claim to be real life monsters.”

Sounds cool. Although what kind of monsters are they? Day vampires? Half moon werewolves? Republicans? Noisy neighbors who won’t quit making noise no matter how much I pound on the ceiling?

A Closer Walk With Thee

A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE (2017)
“Four young evangelical missionaries set up a house church in inner-city Los Angeles to try and save the neighborhood from a Satanist gang. Jordan is a good Christian kid, except that he’s starting to have impure sexual thoughts about his close friend and fellow missionary Eli. When he’s caught watching Eli shower, he is outed to the group and painfully ostracized – until Eli, who happens to be a fledgling exorcist, suggests that a demonic possession might be causing these Jordan’s feelings. Jordan begins to enact signs of possession, prompting Eli to take action. What begins as a ritualistic method of trying to save their friendship quickly spirals out of control and descends into darkness and violence.”

Only a religious nutbag would think homosexuality is a sign of demonic possession. The irony here is that the “fledgling exorcist” is probably gay himself. Gay people don’t need to be exorcised, but religious freaks do.

Summer of '84

SUMMER OF ‘84 (2017/2018)
“Growing up on a quiet cul-de-sac in Ipswich, Massachusetts, Davey’s desperate to believe there’s more to life than what he sees from his bedroom window. But Davey thirsts for more. As their investigation heats up, Davey and his best buds soon discover Mr. Mackey is onto them and their suspicions quickly become all too real.”

The pre-production artwork reveals that there’s a serial killer living in the neighborhood. I bet he doesn’t mow his lawn, but rather hacks it. Heh. For a superior and hard-to-watch serial killer in the neighborhood movie, watch The Lovely Bones (2009). You’ll probably need counseling afterward. Or a hug.

Rent-Free Ghosts

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 8, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghosthouse

Have to give credit to the Italian made Ghosthouse (aka, La Casa/1988). What it short sheets you in acting, dialogue and plot, it’s delightfully gory. Just the opening sequence alone has a slaughtered family cat, a hatchet through the top of dad’s formerly functioning head, and mom getting her face shredded and eye blown out by an exploding mirror before getting her neck sliced into lunch meat. A family slayed together, stays together.

Ghosthouse

That sets up the premise twenty years later of a young Boston ham radio operator and his emotional rollercoaster of a girlfriend intercepting an ominous call for help, along with an eerie cackle over looped spooky music. Using some sort of math he triangulates the signal and it leads them right to the very long-abandoned house the opening sequence murders took place. Seems some grandfathered evil still lives there rent free.

Ghosthouse

Teaming up with some age-similar squatters, they try to Scooby-Doo the crap out of the mystery. At the core of it is eleven year old Henrietta and her demoniacally-possessed jester clown doll. Even though she died all those years ago (locked in the basement and left to starve to death), she still has work to do. This includes showing up on TV with bleeding eyes, popping up in hallways and any one of the house’s 14 bedrooms in blinding white light, and packing around that evil-cackling clown doll.

Ghosthouse

The dialogue is so painful it makes your crevices itch. The acting ranks somewhere between “just graduated from junior high school to “will you please just stop talking?” Thankfully, Henrietta and her demon doll unleash double heck, turning the old mansion into a non-stop parade of haunted house cliches and gore.

Ghosthouse

Other than the entire thing, Ghosthouse’s paranormal activities are outright LOL: a bedroom where toys and pillow feathers encircle a victim as if an indoor tornado; An running unplugged and motor-less fan’s blade coming lose and frisbee-ing a new throat hole in another victim; Floorboards giving way to a bubble bath of thick milky goop that dissolves skin; A melt-y face skeleton wearing a Grim Reaper robe and brandishing a knife. But it was the blood coming out of a bathroom faucet that really put the frosting on this cadaver cake. And if you can get through it, the ending will put a grin on your non-sliced face.

Ghosthouse

Interesting note: The house featured in the film is the same one used in the splatfest The House by the Cemetery (1981). Wonder what it rents for on Zillow™?

Haunted Casa

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spirits

Any demonic possession movie that showcases the legendary Latino acting skills of Eric Estrada – who starred in the street-tough Homeboys From Outer Space and Extra-Large: Gonzales’ Revenge – can’t be entirely bad. Then again…

Spirits

In Spirits (1990), Eric – who plays a priest with right-side up crosses – gets sexed up in a dream sequence while a ghostly succubus uses language unbecoming of church, and opens a door in the basement in a haunted house to another dimension. (Unfortunately, it didn’t lead to a 7-Eleven™, a 24-hour convenient dimension/Heaven that is a gold mine of chilled and refreshing cans/bottles of adult juice.)

Spirits

A snooping psychic (Brinke Stevens) becomes possessed (by a ghost demon and/or refreshing cans/bottles of adult juice) and hammers nails into her own hands. Ouch, yet I felt it was necessary to the plot.

Spirits

All of Spirits verily sucks except Eric, so you may want to consider hammering nails into your own hands for more entertainment value. P.S. Don’t hammer nails into your hands. You might miss the nail and smack your fingers with the hammer. That would freakin’ hurt.

Chick Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 25, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

There Are Monsters

Three impending horror movies, all involving chicks, or “women.” This is not a new thing as it turns out every horror movie since the beginning of time had women, or “chicks” in ’em. That’s an impressive statistic. You go, girl(s)!

Anyway, here’s the what’s what…

THERE ARE MONSTERS (Releasing 2016)
Mother and daughter trapped and tormented in a black forest by a screeching creature – it is unlike anything we have heard before. Not human. Not animal. Like a thousand horses, like a mother’s clamor, a baby’s wail. Only a mother’s protective love, her most primal instinct, can save her daughter from what’s lurking in the darkness.”

A screeching creature. An argument can be made that it’s another female nagging her ex about missed alimony payments.

The Blackcoat's Daughter / February

THE BLACKCOAT’S DAUGHTER (Releasing July 2016 on Direct TV)
Joan makes a bloody and determined pilgrimage across a frozen landscape toward a prestigious all girls prep school where Rose and Kat find themselves stranded after their parents mysteriously fail to retrieve them for winter break. As Joan gets closer, terrifying visions begin plaguing Kat while Rose watches in horror as she becomes possessed by an unseen evil force.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter was originally titled February. That’s not very scary OR marketable. But hey, not my movie. If it was I’d call it The Daughter’s Blackcoat. Chicks/women/ladies/gals dig fashion, so my title makes waaay more sense.

The Offering

THE OFFERING (Releasing May 6, 2016)
When Jamie, a successful reporter, finds out that her sister has died mysteriously, she travels to Singapore to uncover the truth. There, she discovers multiple deaths linked to her sister and must join forces with her sister’s husband in order to defeat a demonic entity that is using new technology to complete an ancient mission.

A demonic entity who is tech savvy. I’ve experienced just such a thing, as indicated by that foul spirit who lives in my digital toaster and always makes the toast burn. (I set it on 3 but it always comes out looking like a 12.)

Burnt Offerings

I should’ve made this movie and called it Burnt Offerings and… Oh, wait – already been done in 1976. That one should’ve been about a possessed toaster that blackens the bread, and they have to call in a “breakforcist” to scrape the soul clean. Heh.

American Demons, Swiss Zombies, German Sci-Fi

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 3, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ava's Possession

While 2016 got off to a bumpy start in January, with the upcoming releases of four new horror/sci-fi movies announced in the first few molting days of February gives one hope that the rest of the year won’t suck buttock.

First up is Ava’s Possession, arriving March 4, 2016: “Ava is recovering from demonic possession. With no memory of the past month, she must attend a Spirit Possessions Anonymous support group to figure out what happened. Ava’s life was hijacked by a demon, now it’s time to get it back.”

Demonic possession is always good for the soul.

Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies

Gonna have to wait ‘til the end of 2016 to see Attack of the Lederhosen Zombies. I’m okay with that –gives me something positive to look forward to in December besides egg nog. Here’s what AotLZ is about:

“Steve, a young professional snowboarder, his girlfriend Branka and fellow snowboarder Josh get left behind on the mountain. They seek shelter in a garish, loud aprés-ski tavern that’s hosting an all-night party for the longest night of the year. Things go from bad to worse when a scientific experiment conducted by a local entrepreneur unleashes an epidemic of zombies and mutant wildlife, but this is mostly lost on the local drunkards as they themselves are not always so easy to distinguish from zombies. Steve, Branka and Josh have to find a way to survive this hellish night.”

If they’re looking to cast local drunkards, my calendar is wide open.

The Possession Experiment

Speaking of being possessed, The Possession Experiment arrives in the European market on February 13, 2016 and offers YET ANOTHER spin on the curiously popular demonic possession/exorcism theme: “Brandon, a theology student, is teamed with a classmate and are led to investigate a multiple homicide/suicide that eventually is discovered to have been an exorcism gone horribly wrong. Brandon quickly becomes obsessed with the event, and decides the only way to research this topic is to undergo it himself. Brandon realizes that though he was incredibly intrigued by it, he has taken on more than he can handle.”

Performing an exorcism on yourself seems a lot like that Cinnamon Challenge on YouTube™.

EZO1 Madness

Horror not your cup of blood? Then you might want to check out the oddly titled EZO1 Madness (releasing 2016), the first independent sci-fi movie coming from Germany in more than two decades, or 20 years. Described as “combining breathless action in an interesting take on Eastern and Western philosophy and classic horror elements.”

I’m all about philosophy, so this one could be good brain food: “EZO1 Madness is set in a post-apocalyptic world, where the last of human kind are hunted by giant monsters, zombies, genetically enhanced soldiers and ancient machines of war.”

EZO1 Madness is set to make the indie film circuit in 2016. Until such time I’ll go back to reading The Incoherence of the Philosophers For Dummies.

Paranormal Training Bra

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Slashers, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Paranormal Halloween

Need a Halloween fix? Well, tie off horror junkies because here’s two new ones for you…

First up is a comedy horror movie that pays homage to horror movies that ripped off other horror movies. My head hurts. Caesar and Otto’s Paranormal Halloween, releasing October 27, 2015, gives a laugh-shaped mouth shout-out to the pop ghostly culture likes of Insidious (2010), The Conjuring (2013), Amityville Horror (1979), Sinister (2012), and Paranormal Activity (2007). Kind of redundant as all those movies are full of funny stuff, intended or not.

Paranormal Halloween

If you haven’t seen the trailer for Caesar and Otto’s Paranormal Halloween, here’s what materializes…

“It’s Halloween Eve and Caesar and Otto find themselves house-sitting for the world’s most unpopular Governor, Jerry Grayson. But after a series of ghostly visions, strange phenomenon and a demonic possession, the half-brothers call upon renowned exorcist Father Jason Stieger to help put a stop to this new nightmare. But in this house, nothing is what it seems and everyone is fair game for the mysterious forces at work…”

Who hires guys to house sit? That in itself is kinda scary, especially if there’s an unattended liquor cabinet full of spirits waiting to be released. Heh.

Out There In The Dark

Next is Out There In The Dark (2015), a ’tweener “horror” movie, starring two young teens gals who use their cell phones to try and Scooby-Doo a ghost in a big mansion. Thus: After visiting a haunted house, two teenage girls are plagued by supernatural phenomena that lead them to uncover a chilling secret.”

I bet the chilling secret is they discover why they call ’em training bras.

Out There In The Dark

Brown Bag Demonic Possession

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Vatican Tapes

The Vatican Tapes, a horror movie about demonic possession and the mocking of the collection plate, is scheduled for release May 22, 2015. Praise be unto film distributors.

There have been a number of religion based horror (or horror based religion) lately. Too many for me to list as I’m hungry and would rather research a sandwich made with hole-y cheese. (Heh.) And since no movie about demon possession can ever top The Exorcist (1973), the rest come across as savory as a communion wafer. But hey, whatever floats your soul.

The Vatican Tapes

The Vatican Tapes concerns the haunting tale of 27-year-old Angela Holmes, who accidentally cuts her finger and ends up in the emergency room. Man, I hope she has insurance because the emergency room is out-of-pocket expensive. And the waiting room stinks, filled with the stench of pension drunks filled with holy spirits (i.e., $2 fortified wine).

Anyway, infection sets in and leads to erratic behavior, and Angela has a devastating effect on anyone in her general direction, causing serious injury and death. Both can be harmful to your long-term health.

The Vatican Tapes

Priests, who took the vow of silliness, examine Holmes and believe she is possessed. But when the Vatican is texted to exorcise the demon, the possession proves to be an ancient satanic force more powerful than they imagined.

The Vatican Tapes

Movies with this theme all seem to operate under the same business model and come across as pointless given the inevitable set-up: Good vs. Evil, blah, blah, blah. Ironic that most possessions can be attributed to $2 fortified wine. More so when chugged from the Chalice of Benediction, which usually comes in a handy twist top bottle and conveniently wrapped in a brown paper bag.