Archive for demon

Bloody Vampires, Bloody Puppets, Bloody Expensive Guitars

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Scream Queens, Slashers, TV Vixens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Game of Thrones guitar

With Game of Thrones dominating the non-political headlines, the series final season has people tripping all over themselves to cash in before its relegated to binge-watching re-runs. [Disclaimer: I tried to get into GoT and only made it through the first five episodes. There were so many characters/story lines that clashed with my attention deficit disorder, I’d have needed an abacus to keep track.]

Game of Thrones guitars

Fender Custom Shop™ is releasing three GoT themed guitars. Even if you don’t play the git-fiddle, these things would make you look awesome just carrying ‘em around, like to the store or while commuting to work on a flying dragon. Here’s the deets:

Game of Thrones guitars

“As opulent as its namesake — the ambitious house with designs on the Iron Throne — the Sigil Collection Game of Thrones House Lannister Jaguar is an homage to that avaricious clan. This bespoke guitar was painstakingly crafted by Principal Master Builder, Ron Thorn, who called on his extensive experience with materials to work 24k gold leaf into the elegant, sweeping form of the Jaguar. Crafted to order, this guitar could only have come from Westeros — and the Dream Factory, the Fender Custom Shop.

Game of Thrones guitar

“Avaricious” is an interesting term to use in a press release. It means “having or showing an extreme greed for wealth or material gain.” Well, heck — it’s like they’re inside my head! Unfortunately, my lack of wealth will keep me from buying one of these guitars, which range in price from $25,000 to $35,000.

If you need something to watch after Game of Thrones concludes, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not have been made for $25,000 to $35,000 smackos…

Blood From Stone

BLOOD FROM STONE (2019)
“A woman trying to escape the vampire’s grip, and struggles to cope with the vampire curse in a society where old ways refuse to die.”

Why fight it? I’d love to be a vampire. I kinda am already as I suck on long necks. Heh.

The Room

THE ROOM (2019)
Kate and Matt are a young couple in their thirties in search of a more authentic and healthy life. They leave the city to move into an old house in the middle of nowhere. Soon they discover a secret hidden room that has the extraordinary power to materialize anything they wish for. Their new life becomes a true fairytale. They spend days and nights indulging their every desire of material possession, swimming in money and champagne. Yet beneath this apparent state of bliss, something darker lurks: some wishes can have dire consequences. That room could very well turn their dream into a nightmare when it gives them what they’ve been waiting forever and that nature was denying them.”

I liked it better when it was called The Monkey’s Paw.

Blood Rise: Subspecies V

BLOOD RISE: SUBSPECIES V (February 14, 2020)
Spanning 500 years in the life of the vampire Radu Vladislas, this long-anticipated prequel to the Subspecies series chronicles Radu’s descent from a noble warrior for the Church to a depraved creature of the night. Stolen by crusaders on the night of his birth, he has no knowledge of his bloodline: his mother a demon; father a vampire. Trained and exploited by a brotherhood of mystic monks to slay all enemies of the Church, fate brings him back one night to the castle of his father, armed with the monster-slaying Sword of Laertes, to destroy the vampire Vladislas and reclaim a holy relic: the Bloodstone. The events of that night turn Radu from a noble man into a vampire with no master, setting him on a centuries-long quest for sustenance, for companionship, for the treacherous one who stole him from the sun, and for the Bloodstone he hopes will bring him peace.

Even as uneven as the Subspecies movies (four flicks, 1991 — 1998) have been, it’s nice to see Radu back in action and licking the Bloodstone like it was a bleeding ice cream cone. After all these years, though, he’s looking a bit long in the tooth. Ahem.

Blade: The Iron Cross

BLADE: THE IRON CROSS (February 14, 2020)
Charles Band’s Puppet Master series continues as an unspeakable evil from Blade’s past emerges in the form of a murderous Nazi scientist named Dr. Hauser. As Hauser’s heinous crimes are discovered, the psychic war journalist, Elisa Ivanov, awakens Blade, and together the bloody journey of revenge begins. It’s Herr Hauser’s reanimated undead army versus a possessed doll and a beautiful vengeance-seeking clairvoyant.”

This will be the 15th (!) installment in the Puppet Master film series, which began in 1989. That’s one helluva puppet show. For a really fun killer puppet movie, try Trilogy of Terror (1975), featuring the legendary (and toothy) Zuni fetish doll. That thing caused me to bespoil my trousers back in the day. The cleverly named sequel, Trilogy of Terror II, was released in 1996. I chose to not watch it as getting stains out of britches is not as easy as Oxi Clean™ Refreshing Lavender & Lily Liquid Laundry Detergent claims it is.

Sculpted Monsters, Devil’s Food, Undead Nazi Airbnb

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Godzilla, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 14, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shin Ghidorah

As the countdown clock has begun for Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019), talk around the grocery store (condiments aisle) is that King Ghidorah, one of G’s most formidable foes, will somehow be involved in an epic fracas that will no doubt end up with garbage cans being tipped over and flower gardens thoughtlessly trampled on. The implications are staggering.

Godzilla

On the eve of what looks to be the biggest Godzilla movie of all time and space, comes an incredible art piece of King Ghidorah reimagined as Shin Ghidorah from crazy talented 3D sculptor/artist, Dope Pope. (And no, “Shin” does not refer to KG’s legs.)

Gigan

You can buy this must-have illustration online. While you’re salivating, take a look at Dope Pope’s other otherworldly 3D illustrations: everything from Godzilla and Mutos, to Gigan and the Cloverfield Monster. (DP designs monsters for video games and Jesus. Kidding — no word on whether Dope Pope has even met Godzilla’s son, Jesuszilla.)

Dope Pope

Before you put your bus change into an envelope and mail it to Dope Pope, here are a few now available/upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as dope as the Pope…

The Devil's Restaurant

THE DEVIL’S RESTAURANT (available now)
“A struggling restaurant manager makes a deal with the Devil, who lures endless patrons to his flailing restaurant, but in return the manager must feed the guests to a demon who lurks in the basement. Business is booming, and the reviews are glowing, that is until an unwitting waiter stumbles into the basement.”

Order the filet of soul — I hear it’s to die for.

The Banished

THE BANISHED (available now)
“A disabled man is haunted by the torture he suffered as a child when his terminally ill half-sister returns to their small Upstate New York town seeking answers to why their mother abandoned her 40 years before, which sets them both on a tragic and horrific journey.”

Yeesh — if I knew I was terminally ill, I’d be going to Disneyland™ instead of Upstate New York where I seriously doubt they have a Splash Mountain™.

Living Space

LIVING SPACE (aka, Nazi Undead/available now)
“A romantic holiday in Germany turns into a nightmare when a young couple discover that their lodgings are haunted by the ghost of a Nazi SS officer convicted for the murder of his family. Trapped in a vortex of horror, they must escape the house or suffer the same fate.”

Missed this one when it had a limited release in 2018. (I was planning my vacation to spelunk Splash Mountain™.) I may have tagged this one before, but am just too unmotivated (hungover) to check. Originally titled Living Space, it was changed to Nazi Undead for the DVD/VOD release. That has more zing.

Perfect

PERFECT (June 21, 2019)
“A mother sends an emotionally-troubled young man to a clinic, where modernist serenity whispers soothing promises of perfection. By planting plug-and-play characteristics directly into his own body, he is relieved of his dark, twisted visions, but his body pays the price for purity of mind.”

Sounds like me after a week of binge-drinking.

Streaming Zombies, Witch Sisters, Evil Internet

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Black Summer

Netflix™, the world’s most popular movie streaming service, is set to unleash a zombie apocalypse come April 11, 2019. A prequel of sorts to the five-season Z Nation on the SyFyChannel (cool series, but at times a bit hard to chew on), this one takes place just a few months after the humanity diaper-change. Whereas Z Nation started out four years into the deadening.

Z Nation

Here’s what to expect: “Set in the dark, early days of a zombie apocalypse, a mother torn from her daughter who embarks upon a harrowing journey to find her. Thrust alongside a small group of American refugees, these complete strangers must find the strength they need to fight their way back to loved ones. But in order for Rose and her team to brave this hostile new world, they will need to make brutal decisions to contend with zombies — and each other.”

Black Summer

Kinda stock for a zombie uprising. But hey, what walking dead premise isn’t? If this ain’t your jam, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be worth a Netflix™ subscription…

Blood Craft

BLOOD CRAFT (April 9, 2019)
“Two sisters who suffered abuse as children at the hands of their sadistic father decide, after his death, to use witchcraft to bring his spirit back to get revenge.”

Which begs the question — how do you get revenge on a ghost? It’s not like you could squirt shaving cream in his hand while he’s sleeping and then tickle his nose. If you could, that would be super harsh punishment.

Depraved

DEPRAVED (2019)
Alex leaves his girlfriend Lucy after an emotional night, walking the streets alone to get home. From out of nowhere, he is stabbed in a frenzied attack, with the life draining out of him. He awakes to find he is the brain in a body he does not recognize. This creature, Adam, has been brought into consciousness by Henry, a brilliant field surgeon suffering from PTSD after two tours in the Mideast, and his accomplice Polidori, a predator determined to cash in on the experiment that brought Adam to life. Henry is increasingly consumed with remorse over what he’s done and when Adam finally discovers a video documenting his own origin, he goes on a rampage that reverberates through the group and tragedy befalls them all.”

Sounds like Frankenstein’s getting a makeover. I bet the Queer Eye guys could do miracles with this fashion hot mess.

A Psycho's Path

A PSYCHO’S PATH (2019)
“Set in the late ’60s, a psychopath that stalks the streets of a small California desert town, killing it’s residents at random. This leaves Captain Peters and his small police force to search for the killer’s whereabouts before more victims turn up.”

So where would a killer hide in a small desert town? I don’t think this psychopath thought this one out.

Nekrotronic

NEKROTRONIC (2019)
Howard North, who unknowingly holds a secret power, is dragged into a conflict between a family of badass demon hunting Nekromancers, and Finnegan — an evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet — and is also his mother. Molly, a fierce Nekromancer warrior, is desperate to destroy the demon and believes that Howard has the right stuff to become a true hero. Together, they must work together to exorcise the fiend from the web and blow her back to Hell.”

An evil demon who has possessed the world’s Internet? Not sure how that works, especially when the Internet has already possessed the world. Still, I bet this evil thingamajig knows all the cool porn sites.

The Dammed Damned

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on February 22, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Beneath Still Waters

The best way to get rid of evil is to chain it in a basement in a village at the foot of a new dam and flood the entire town, thereby washing all your problems down the drain and creating fishing and revenue streams. Good start for the evilized Beneath Still Waters (2005).

Beneath Still Waters

Problem is, you can’t keep a good demon and his followers down. Forty years later, a big party is planned to celebrate the dam’s anniversary. Guess who’s coming to the festivities?

Beneath Still Waters

Silas, the above-mentioned totally satanic guy who initiates you into his Club of Wrongness by ripping your face in half with his bare hands, needs to complete a ritual in order to exact his revenge. During the course of his flame-y eye influence, the townsfolk start rotting and gleefully dismembering themselves and doing naked stuff. (The orgy scene is a riot, with a priest getting busy with a goat and a nun using rosary beads in places the church deems not cool.) 

Beneath Still Waters

There’s a patience-testing sub-plot involving an underwater photo journalist who floats…beneath still waters…and takes pictures of the sunken village (with lights still on in some of the houses). But it’s the wholesale slaughter, chunkified gore and stink demons that make this one worthy. That, and the female untethered tops.

Beneath Still Waters

A much better name for this flick, though, could’ve been, The Dammed Damned. Heh.

Game Sharks, Evil Warehouses, Dreadful Angels

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Sharks, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jaws

If you’re looking to do some pre-Christmas shopping done, there is no better gift to get me than the new Jaws board game by Ravensburger. And here’s the supremely cool part — one player gets to be the shark!

Jaws

Coming late June 2019, the Jaws board game will bite into your wallet for $30. Heck, I’d pay at least $35 for such a cool game. Here’s why…

Jaws

“Like Steven Spielberg’s classic film, Jaws the board game plays out in two major acts. The first part has the player controlling the shark terrorizing Amity Island by attacking swimmers, while up to three other opponents — playing as Quint, Brody, and Hooper — try to cooperatively figure out exactly where the shark is hiding in the surrounding murky depths. Once the shark is located, the game switches to a second act.”

While you fight over who gets to buy me the game, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies/TV series that may or may not be as ridiculously cool as a cardboard shark

1st Summoning

1st SUMMONING (February 22, 2019)
“As four student filmmakers unearth a bizarre history of occult practice tied to an abandoned warehouse, it becomes clear the horror they set out to document may have been lurking among them all along.”

Of course abandoned warehouses are where evil lives — the rent is cheap.

Stray

STRAY (March 1, 2019)
“An orphaned teenager teams up with the detective investigating her mother’s murder. They soon discover a supernatural force threatening the city and realize the teen possesses hidden powers of her own which might be the key to stopping it.”

Potential spoiler: The supernatural force threatening everyone is…REPUBLICANS. Time for Democrats to tap into their hidden powers and veto them back to Hell.

Darlin'

DARLIN’ (2019)
Darlin’ picks up 10 years after the events of The Woman, when the titular character escaped with the then-young Darlin’ in tow. Now Darlin’ in is a Catholic home for girls while the Woman resides in an all-female homeless encampment.”

Didn’t see The Woman (2011), so I have no idea what they’re talking about. I looked it up and it was a sequel to Offspring (2009). Didn’t see that one, either. The internet says it was about cannibals. Sounds yummy.

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels

PENNY DREADFUL: CITY OF ANGELS (2020)
City of Angels will be set in 1938 Los Angeles, a time and place deeply infused with Mexican-American folklore and social tension. Rooted in the conflict between characters connected to the deity Santa Muerte and others allied with the Devil, Penny Dreadful: City of Angels will explore an exciting mix of the supernatural and the combustible reality of that period, creating new occult myths and moral dilemmas within a genuine historical backdrop.”

If this is even half as good as the Penny Dreadful TV series (2014 – 2016), which starred Count Dracula, Dr. Frankenstein and his science project, Dr. Jekyll, Dorian Gray, the Wolf-Man and a bunch of witches thrown in for flavor, then I plan on spending all my waking time binge watching it.

Icy Horror, Nazi Snowballs, Dumb Artificial Intelligence

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Seattle snow

All this apocalyptic Seattle snow (the worst in 70 years, according to the panicking news) got me in the mood to watch a few guilty pleasure snow horror movies, the irony being that we’re buried in huge, steaming piles of snow with more predicted to seal us in igloo coffins.

Seattle snow

I have The Day After Tomorrow (2004), 30 Days of Night (2007), Dead Snow (2009), The Last Winter (2006), Frozen (2010/the teen horror movie, not the same-titled Disney horror movie), and Unnatural (2015) queued up. All that’s left to do now is crack an ice cold beer and chill. Heh.

Seattle snow

While we’re waiting to thaw out — probably by the end of March — here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not bite like frost…

The House

THE HOUSE (March 5, 2019)
“Set in the frozen wilderness of Norway during WWII, two German soldiers escort a Norwegian soldier and prisoner of war, but the weather is taking a toll on them. They find an empty house near the forest where they finally can get some rest. However, what seems to be a warm and welcoming shelter turns much more sinister and deadly. They begin to wonder if they have somehow have stepped into a sort of psychological hell from which there may be no escape.”

Finally — Nazis on the other end of the pain stick. I bet they start a snowball fight to end all snowball fights.

Demon Eye

DEMON EYE (2019)
“A young girl returns to her father’s country house in the Moors following his mysterious death. There, she finds a cursed amulet that will grant her greatest wish, but at a price.”

The cursed amulet that grants me my greatest wish is a beer bottle.

Ami

AMI (2019)
Cassie has become a recluse ever since her mother died in a car accident. In an effort to fill the void, she downloads AMI, the latest intelligent personal assistant. As their relationship quickly deepens into a twisted co-dependency, Cassie falls deeper and deeper under AMI’s spell; not realizing that everyone she knows is in serious danger.”

I wish I had artificial intelligence.

Demon Anniversary, Serial Killing Exorcist, Apocalypse Right Now

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Beetlejuice

Hard to believe it’s been 30 years since Beetlejuice (1988),  the timeless cult comedy horror/fantasy classic, made everyone LOL long before the term was ever invented.

Beetlejuice

To balloon-less commemorate, Beetlejuice is back in theaters for a limited run, and Warner Bros. issued this awesome key art to entice you into buying a ticket. Count me in. And for those of you who haven’t seen it, here’s a little something from the press release: “Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis play a recently-deceased husband and wife who commission a bizarre demon (Michael Keaton) to drive an obnoxious family out of their home. Winona Ryder plays their daughter Lydia.”

Beetlejuice

While you’re printing out a movie ticket from Fandango.com (I’ve actually never done that), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be around in 30 years…

Boo!

BOO! (2018)
“A torn suburban family refuses to heed the warning of an innocent prank left upon them, which causes the unknown supernatural force to wreak havoc.”

Really wish they had come up with a better title than Boo! It’s been used several times before — once in 2005 and more recently with Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Madea Halloween/Tyler Perry’s Boo! II: A Madea Halloween (2016 and 2017). Sure hope the new Boo! is better than all of the above. Shouldn’t be too hard.

Peripheral

PERIPHERAL (2018)
Bobbi Johnson is a young literary sensation facing her difficult second novel. Already dealing with a crazed stalker and her junkie ex-boyfriend, Bobbi is convinced by her publisher to use new smart editing software and finds herself going head-to-head with an artificial intelligence determined to write her book for her. As the machine manipulates her work to suit its own nefarious ends, Bobbi begins to realize that she is being controlled in ways far more sinister than she suspected. She may, in fact, be a pawn in a conspiracy of social mind control. Too far down the rabbit hole to turn back, Bobbi must keep writing, fighting her own addictions and hallucinations as she rushes to beat her deadline without selling her soul in the process and becoming a cog in a monstrous machine.”

Machines can do just about anything these days. Now if I could only find one to go to the bathroom for me so I don’t ever have to leave the couch…

Our Evil

OUR EVIL (aka, Mal Nosso/2018)
“Set in the seedy underbelly of São Paulo, Brazil, an exorcist uses the dark web to employ a serial killer to protect his daughter from demonic possession.”

Not much of an exorcist if he can’t even protect his own daughter from from being demonized. Then again, serial killers do seem to have somewhat efficient job skills.

Good Omens

GOOD OMENS (2019)
“A dark, comedic story set in modern day Britain centers on the stoic and sensible angel, Aziraphale and the suave man-about-town demon, Crowley as they join forces to prevent the coming of the Apocalypse. Why? Because they’ve grown to love the little idiosyncrasies of the human experience.”

Why is everybody always trying to stop the Apocalypse? I say roll the dice and let it play out. Couldn’t be much worse than what we have now.