Archive for Day of the Dead

Revenge Porn, Old/New Zombies, Skin Appetizers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Jeepers Creepers 3

Finally. The long overdue Jeepers Creepers 3 is getting a limited theatrical showing (September 26, 2017 in Los Angeles), with the anticipated movie becoming available on VOD shortly thereafter.

Jeepers Creepers 2 came out in 2003, and every since horror fans have been Jeeper-ing for more Creeper-ing. The bat-winged, hat-wearing, human meat-craving monster is said to take his once-every-23-years binge eating spree to new levels of gore and chewing with your mouth open.

While we wait for dinner to be served, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi morsels to whet your appetite…

The Lost Tree

THE LOST TREE (October 13, 2017/Limited)
“After a serious traumatic accident, a man leaves his old life behind and moves to an isolated cabin to start over. He soon learns of the surroundings of the area and its dangerous past.”

Not a lot to go on from this press release. Are there poisonous woodchucks in the vicinity? Is the landlord a Republican? Does the toilet on the cabin flush without needing to jiggle the handle? I hope it’s all of the above.

#FromJennifer

#FROMJENNIFER (2017)
Jennifer Peterson is having a very rough week. She’s been fired from a movie shoot, her manager just dropped her, and her boyfriend dumped her, right after releasing a sex tape of them together. But Jennifer has decided to turn things around: she hatches a plot she calls ‘Revenge Porn Revenge,’ in which she plans to settle the score by filming a devastatingly elaborate video and posting it online, making herself famous in the process. But like everything else in her life lately, her revenge plot doesn’t go according to plan, and a shocking trail of carnage is left in her wake.”

Clearly, Jennifer is not familiar with the famous one-liners from Confucius, the iconic Chinese teacher/philosophizer from way, way, way back in the day (551 BC – 479 BC). His stand-up routine often included this one: “Before embarking on a journey of revenge, first dig two graves.” Snap! But despite all my clicking around, I still can’t find any of his comments about sex tapes.

Day of the Dead

DAY OF THE DEAD (2017/2018)
“The post-apocalyptic tale follows a former medical student tormented by a dark figure from her past, who happens to be a half-human, half-zombie hell-bent on destroying her.”

So is this a remake/reboot/re-do over of 1985’s Day of the Dead? According to the e-blabbing on the Internet, the movie lifts a few flesh-swallowing elements from that decades old zombie romp and stuffs ’em into the new storyline. Kinda like padding a meatloaf with oatmeal.

You Shall Not Sleep

YOU SHALL NOT SLEEP (2018)
“Set in an abandoned psychiatric hospital, where a radical theater group experiment with insomnia for the preparation of a stage play. With the passage of days without sleep, they reach new thresholds of perception, about the energies and hidden stories of the place. But when Bianca joins the cast, she must survive not only the intensity of work and her companions, but an unknown force that pushes her, like others, to a tragic outcome.”

Pffft — you don’t need sleep deprivation to reach new thresholds of perception. That’s what alcohol is for. People be so dumb.

Zombie Finger Exchange Rate

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 7, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Quick and the Undead

In The Quick and the Undead (2006) — an Old Western/Modern Zombie mash-up that spins the tile of 1995’s The Quick and the Dead — YET ANOTHER viral outbreak results in 75% of the world’s population being recycled into skin-snacking zombies. Bounty hunters roam the land collecting zombie fingers as a means to pay the rent. How these things are considered a medium of exchange is beyond my financial grasp.

The Quick and the Undead

The bounty hunters look like they came from the Old West, with one guy doing a pretty decent Clint Eastwood impression. Everyone is wearing leather chaps, old time cowboy hats and packing six-shooters. Only thing missing is a zombie stagecoach and/or saloon with swinging wooden doors.

The Qucik and the Undead

He lures the undead with fresh human meat and picks ’em off as though shooting at carnival ducks. But another bounty hunter and his gang of three is upset because their hunting territory has been infringed upon. So they shoot him, cut off his finger (hey, it counts) and take his hat and cool leather cowboy coat. But the guy isn’t quite dead despite being shot in the gut area and having been bitten by a zombie.The Quick and the Undead

It’s not explained, but he developed a resistance to the viral infection. Harder, though, to build up resistance to bullets. So he tracks his “killers” down to shoot them and reclaim his money fingers.

Along the way hordes of zombies follow the kitchen-fresh scent of the living, with both situations converging for a classic old style showdown. One unlucky meal/human, gets chewed into while still alive, and before he expires, utters “choke on it,” an homage to the same line in 1985’s Day of the Dead. Thank you for remembering.

The Quick and the Undead

P.S. Even though she took the title, author Kimberly Raye’s meh-selling book The Quick and the Undead (2014) has cowboys, but no zombies. Instead, she frames vampires as the protagonists.

Cowboys & Vampires

P.P.S. Kimberly meh or meh not have gotten the “idea” from 2010’s Cowboys & Vampires (aka, Dead West).

P.P.P.S. Just to be safe, do NOT let Kimberly sit behind you in class.

Hookers and Demons

Posted in Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Demon Slayer

When a 19th Century hooker is denied a baptism for her child whom the father of is in question, the entire staff of the brothel where the woman worked many back-breaking hours renounces God and proceeds to have evil rituals. They do this by having sex with paying customers. They also cut off customer legs with axes, because all brothels should be equipped with such tools of the trade lest someone wants something a little kinky every now and again.

Demon Slayer

Fast forward to modern times and three highly stereotyped teen chicks and two guys are sentenced to house arrest at an abandoned mental institution. (That tired plot device. Again.) They have to clean the place up because sweeping will scare them straight so they won’t commit any more crimes. If they do a good job, their record is clean. If they don’t, it’s the electric chair. (Sorry, wishful thinking.)

Demon Slayer

Once inside, they start experiencing spooky things, like doors opening and shutting, people with gunk coming out of their mouths and maggots in the cookie dough. Two very convenient situations: the Day of the Dead is tomorrow, which means every dead person in that zip code gets to party. Secondly, the mental institution is built on the very tainted spot the evil brothel once stood. And if you didn’t see it coming, one of the chicks is a descendant of the evil house madam, Elodia. (That name sounds so made up.) These are what we call Lottery odds.

Demon Slayer Throw in two priests: one who knows the girl’s past, the other from Mexico and having only one eye. The basement floor glows red when something is about to happen. This evil-meter also emits spook smoke. One by one the teens are either possessed and ripping out spines, or screaming and running for their worthless lives. The best part of Demon Slayer (2003) other than the flagrant (but welcome) display of bare boobies: one possessed chick opens her mouth and a HUGE spider crawls out. Worst part: the rest of the movie.