Archive for Dark Shadows

Horror Household, Elevator Sharks, Funny Zombies

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, Slashers, TV Vixens, UFOs, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Addams Family

The Addams Family started out as syndicated cartoon (1938), then a massively popular TV series (1964), an animated cartoon (1973), a TV film (1977), a second animated series (1992 — 1993), two big screen films (1991/1993), a touring theatre play (2017), a video game series, academic books, and soundtracks based around its Grammy-nominated theme song. Now the eccentrically macabre family gets yet another reboot as The Addams Family, a big-budget animated movie coming out October 18, 2019. To this date, my family has done none of the above.

The Addams Family

Here’s the plot: “The family they faces off against a crafty reality TV host while also preparing for their extended family to arrive for a major celebration.”

The Addams Family

Lots of celebrity vocal cords are lending their verbal skillz to this one: “Charlize Theron will voice Morticia Addams and Oscar Isaac is voicing Gomez Addams, with Chloë Grace Moretz as Wednesday Addams. The cast also includes Finn Wolfhard as Pugsley Addams, Nick Kroll as Uncle Fester, Bette Midler as Grandmama, Allison Janney as Margaux Needler, and Elsie Fisher as Parker Needler, the daughter of Margaux.

Chole Grace Moretz

Chloë Grace Moretz, who voices Wednesday Addams, has in her vast acting resume, played a doomed kid in a haunted house (The Amityville Horror/2005), a vampire (Let Me In/2010), a werewolf (Dark Shadows/2012), a telekinetic prom queen (Carrie/2013), a mini superhero (Kick-Ass/2010, Kick-Ass 2/2013), and a freedom fighter defending Earth from aliens (The 5th Wave/2016). I hereby nominate her for an Academy Award for being awesome. 

Here’s a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as awesome as Chloë Grace Moretz

The Silence

THE SILENCE (April 10, 2019/Netflix™)
“When the world is under attack from terrifying creatures who hunt their human prey by sound, 16-year old Ally Andrews, who lost her hearing at 13, and her family seek refuge in a remote haven. But they discover a sinister cult who are eager to exploit Ally’s heightened senses.”

Wasn’t the idea of creatures hunting people animals by sound the premise of A Quiet Place (2018)? I can hear a lawsuit in the distance.  

The Dead Don't Die

THE DEAD DON’T DIE (June 14, 2019)
The Dead Don’t Die is an upcoming American zombie horror comedy film, written and directed by Jim Jarmusch. It stars Adam Driver, Bill Murray, Selena Gomez, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Austin Butler, Tilda Swinton, Tom Waits, and Caleb Landry Jones.”

No plot just yet, but you could probably figure it out. It’s also being billed as “the greatest zombie cast ever disassembled.” That’s pretty dang funny.

47 Meters Down: Uncaged

47 METERS DOWN: UNCAGED (August 16, 2019)
“Four teens diving in a ruined underwater city quickly find themselves in a watery hell as their adventure turns to horror when they learn they are not alone in the submerged caves. As they swim deeper into the claustrophobic labyrinth of caves they enter the territory of the deadliest shark species in the ocean.”

The above art is actually a screen grab of an elevator in Vegas, which is a clever new way to advertise a movie. (There’s also a hilarious Child’s Play elevator as well.) I bet the elevator only goes down. 47 meters, is what I’m thinkin’.

Annabelle Comes_Home

ANNABELLE COMES HOME (June 28, 2019)
“Determined to keep Annabelle from wreaking more havoc, demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren bring the possessed doll to the locked artifacts room in their home, placing her ‘safely’ behind sacred glass and enlisting a priest’s holy blessing. But an unholy night of horror awaits as Annabelle awakens the evil spirits in the room, who all set their sights on a new target — the Warrens’ ten-year-old daughter, Judy, and her friends.”

Think we just found Chucky a new girlfriend.

Mastering Shadows, Extreme Physicians, Horny Aliens

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Vampires, Werewolves, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2019 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Master of Dark Shadows

If you were a fan of the Goth horror soap opera Dark Shadows (1966 — 1971), then you’ll no doubt make happy happen in your pants over the April 16, 2019 release of Master of Dark Shadows, a comprehensive celebration of the legendary daytime series and its visionary creator, Dan Curtis. If you have no idea what the heckaroo I’m talking about, you can find the massively influential series on Amazon Prime™ and even some boot-leggy low-res versions on YouTube™ and get with the program.

Master of Dark Shadows

From the press release: “In 1966, a phenomenon was launched when Dark Shadows debuted on ABC-TV as a daily Gothic suspense series. Airing in the late afternoon, the show attracted a massive youth audience as it shifted to the supernatural with the introduction of vulnerable vampire Barnabas Collins. Witches, ghosts, werewolves and scary story lines turned Dark Shadows into a TV classic that led to motion pictures, remakes, reunions and legions of devoted fans who have kept the legend alive for five decades.”

Master of Dark Shadows

While we wait for Master of Dark Shadows to bring us back to a time when vampires, witches, ghosts, and werewolves finally got some mainstream moments in the spotlight, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not have you making happy in your pants…

Black Site

BLACK SITE (April 9, 2019)
Ren Reid was orphaned as a child when a member of an ancient race known as the Elder Gods killed her parents. Twenty years have passed; and a fractured Ren now works for Artemis, an organization set up to contain and then deport these entities back to where they came from. When the Elder God responsible for Ren’s childhood tragedy is caught and brought to the Black Site for deportation, Ren must partner with an unlikely ally as the last line of defense against a wave of worshipers hellbent on releasing their deity back into the world. With the facility on lock-down and the enemy closing in, Ren has just hours to avenge her parents and prove once and for all that she is worthy of wearing the Artemis uniform.”

I hate it when the Elder Gods yell at me to get off their lawn. The plot, though, seems a bit top heavy; why can’t they just loose half the cast and put in all-purpose explosions and car chase scenes?

Hi-Death

HI-DEATH (2019)
“From the makers of Hi-8, five new twisted tales showcasing the talents of both veteran and emerging horror filmmakers. When two young women take the “Terror Tour” through the underbelly of Hollywood, they are led into a bizarre world of unspeakable horror. Their first stop proves that “Death Has a Conscience,” but doesn’t spare the unlucky souls who stumble into his path. Next, a meeting with the “Dealers of Death” exposes the perils of collecting murder memorabilia. Then, it’s off to a quick “Night Drop”, where your next movie rental may be your last. An actress’ worst nightmare unfolds as she is forced to perform a terrifying “Cold Read”, and our Terror Tour comes to a disturbing end as we meet the ancient, seductive evil known as “The Muse”.”

For a couple other cool horror compendiums, give V/H/S (2012) and/or ABCs of Death (2012) anthologies a whack. You can thank me later.

Patients of a Saint

PATIENTS OF A SAINT (2019)
“When medical trials are pushed to their limits, the most extreme tests take place on St. Leonards island, home to a re-purposed prison for some of the world’s most violent criminals. But when one experiment goes horribly wrong, the entire prison becomes a diseased riddled maze for desperate survivors.”

Extreme medical procedures have been going on for a long time. Just ask my proctologist.

Snatchers

SNATCHERS (2019)
Sara is one of the cool kids; she’s got the right friends, makes the right jokes…and is totally terrified of losing her status. She’d be a lot more secure if she could win back her super-hot ex, Skyler, but he’s not interested unless they move to the next level. Sara decides to take the plunge without protection, but soon discovers Skyler isn’t just horny like a normal teenage boy. Something changed on his summer trip to Mexico. Something…extraterrestrial! Sara wakes up the next morning nine-months pregnant.”

Skylar is a super-hot horny teen alien who doesn’t practice safe sex? Today’s teens have all the fun.

 

Soap Opera Vampire

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Vampires, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

House of Dark Shadows

House of Dark Shadows (1970) is the movie spin-off of the syndicated horror soap opera Dark Shadows, which ran from 1966 to 1971. The TV series featured a resurrected family vampire, a ghost and a werewolf. It also featured a scheming grounds keeper named Willy. I think it’s a rule that all groundskeepers are named Willy.

House of Dark Shadows

I tried watching Dark Shadows as a kid, but could only get a few episodes in because the storyline moved way too slow for my Kool-Aid™ amped brain. I wanted vampires, ghosts and werewolves, but only got a bunch of dramatic yapping. Odd I should watch the movie version, which doesn’t have a ghost of werewolf, and STILL has a lot of yapping.

House of Dark Shadows

House of Dark Shadows revolves around Barnabas Collins, who was “executed” by his dad in 1797 for being a vampire, and stuffed in a coffin wrapped in chains for all eternity. (Pretty harsh – most kids just get sent to their rooms.) But thanks to the scheming Willy, Barnabas was released from his family crypt where he could rise and suck the aristocratic blood from the necks of his Goth mansion ancestors. That, and to take a bride and feel up her neck with his primary incisors.

House of Dark Shadows

A lot of the story lines relate back to the TV series, but still with way too many characters to keep track of. I just wanted to see Barnabas do his neck-puncturing routine, which he does on several hot young gals. He leaves ragged holes in their necks, so high collars/scarves are the order of the day to keep suspicions at bay.

House of dark Shadows

Doesn’t work. Several people are on to Barnabas, one of which is a female doctor who promises an injectable cure for his sucking in exchange for him not sucking on her. When she finds out he’s to marry some young thang, she gets all jealous and betrays him halfway through the cure and he turns into an undead prune face. (This was part of the TV storyline.)

House of Dark Shadows

More biting, more screaming and some of the reddest blood you’ll ever see on film. This was a pleasant surprise as the some of the first TV shows were in spookified black and white. Black and white blood looks more like chocolate syrup. (Note: If necks bled chocolate syrup, I’d sign up to be a vampire right the heck now.)

An Immortal Cannibal

Posted in Evil, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 16, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

He Never Died

Rock stars showing up in horror/sci-fi movies is nothing new. Off the top ’o my dome, Alice Cooper comes to mind being in a pile of ’em: Monster Dog, Prince of Darkness, Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, Suck, Dark Shadows, etc.

Punk icon and former Black Flag member Henry Rollins has quite a few horror reels under his belt as well, the latest being He Never Died, in which he plays a cannibal who tries to control his addiction. The hook: he can’t die. But wait, there’s more…

He Never Died

Rollins stars as Jack, a mysterious loner who has lived an inexplicably long life fueled by blood lust and filled with crime and violence. He buys stolen blood from a hospital intern, plays bingo, sleeps fourteen hours a day, watches television six hours a day, and lives alone. This is his life – he has shelled himself away from social interactions. The fuse is lit when Jack’s past comes back to rattle him. Jack must now walk a tight rope of sobriety and try to eat as few people as possible in this violent tale of personal responsibility and self worth. As it turns out, there are very few reasons to live when you can’t die.”

Henry Rollins

Not sure if Rollins used to eat people during his younger punk rock days, but with that legendary perma-aggro glare of his, he at least looked capable of chowing down fan ham. And he has the acting chops to pull it off. The movie role, not, like, actually eating people.

So how do you see He Never Died? The movie is gunning for a December 18, 2015 theatrical run, crowdfunded by Indiegogo™. Smuggle in your own people snacks, though; The price of concessions has gotten out of control these days.