Paranormal Goon-Outs

Not uncommon for horror movie authors to encounter the supernatural. Wouldn’t be a horror movie if they didn’t. The polter-premise then causes them to put down the typewriter and to Scooby-Doo the presented mystery. A few examples off the top of my roof include Dark Remains (2005), Re-Cycle (2006), The Marsh (2006), Deadline (2009), Paranormal (2009). Such is the framework for House of Affliction (releasing February 2016), a supernatural thriller featuring an author gal experiencing paranormal goon-outs.

Here’s mo’ juice: “Kate Beckley was once a best-selling crime author, but it’s been years since her last novel following the disappearance of her daughter, Julia. While attempting to write again in a new home, Kate finds herself haunted by strange visions and paranormal occurrences, which become worse each night. Has Julia returned, or is something more evil preying on this grieving mother?”

I’m gonna have to say yep to both. But if this premise sounds familiar, that’s because it’s lifted directly from Sinister, which came out in 2012. Behold…

“True-crime writer Ellison Oswald is in a slump; he hasn’t had a best seller in more than 10 years and is becoming increasingly desperate for a hit. So, when he discovers the existence of a snuff film showing the deaths of a family, he vows to solve the mystery. He moves his own family into the victims’ home and gets to work. However, when old film footage and other clues hint at the presence of a supernatural force, Ellison learns that living in the house may be fatal.”

For more supernatural mystery hauntings, please consult your local haunted house. Or Scooby-Doo.

Suicidal Ghosts

After their young daughter was found murdered in her bed, mom and dad go to a cabin deep in the woods to work out their grief. (Pffft – they’re probably gonna go make another daughter.) The cabin is situated near the abandoned Ives Prison. Why a federally-funded prison would be that far out in the dingles makes one’s eyebrow arch in a suspicious manner.

The wife is a photographer who still uses film. She takes pictures of the prison and after developing said photos, sees the image of Emma, her dead daughter. So she starts snapping lots of pictures, thinking little not-so-much-alive Emma is trying to contact her FROM THE INCARCERATED BEYOND.

But other weird doo doo is getting its ghostly groove on. The evil spirits of the cabin’s former residents keep popping up in mirrors, TV reflections, bathrooms when you’re trying to have a private moment… The married couple that previously died in the cabin killed themselves – she by slicing her wrists in the bathtub with her boobs showing, and he in the shed by eating a small but nutritious bullet Happy Meal™. Mr. & Mrs. Violent Suicide keep returning to do some evil haunting. FYI: Mr. & Mrs. VS weren’t evil in life, but by being converted into death made them so. I guess it’s in the rules.

The neighbors are beginning to act strange. So the husband goes to the town library and researches the town’s history. Yep, suicides and fatal “accidents” have occurred with unusual regularity for years on the very same date that’s coming up. So he has to get his wife – who’s starting to go to crazy train – outta there. But she doesn’t want to leave because she’s convinced their daughter is trying to communicate without a Ouija™ board. How the prison and the deceased kid factors in to all of this isn’t really explained. Neither is the girl’s murder. (If it was, I missed it because I was friggin’ bored.)

A stretch of a ghost story that moves about as fast as a car without gas. Or a turtle without gas. Every time a ghost pops up, it’s done so with a loud sound so as to keep you from falling asleep. (I listen to loud musical compostions, so that didn’t work on me.) Even with the occasional bare boobie shot, Dark Remains (2005) is as lifeless as that little dead girl.