Archive for Dark Arts

Insane Asylums, Demonic Bigfoot, Jungle Gods

Posted in Bigfoot, Evil, Ghosts, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Witches, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Heretics

If someone on the beach started screaming and pointing towards the water and yelling there’s the Loch Ness Monster, would you look? If you were in Scotland you would. I won’t be falling for that one again.

Here’s some upcoming horror you won’t have to go to Scotland to see…

THE HERETICS (February 14, 2017 / European Film Market)
“A young girl is abducted by a man after he claims that a cult is hunting her. His goal is to protect her until sunrise but while restrained, the young girl falls deathly ill. While her friends and family search for her, the source of her illness becomes more and more apparent. She’s not sick…she’s changing.”

Based on that press release, this is the same plot as Midnight Special (2016). I don’t think she’s changing into a ball of light alien like that kid in MS. I wouldn’t be opposed to that, though. Wish I could do that; I’d save a fortune on light bulbs.

The Institute

THE INSTITUTE (March 3, 2017/Limited/VOD)
“Based on true events a 19th Century young woman who, due to grief following the untimely death of her parents, voluntarily checks herself into a mental institute. While there she is subjected to bizarre, pseudo-scientific experiments in personality modification, brainwashing and mind control.”

Those techniques, while pioneered in the 19th Century, have been refined and modernized for the 20th Century. Today we call experiments in personality modification, brainwashing and mind control “Happy Hour.”

Dig Two Graves

DIG TWO GRAVES (March 24, 2017/Theater/VOD)
“Set in the 1970s, the pic follows 13-year-old Jacqueline Mather who, after losing her brother in a mysterious drowning accident, soon is visited by three moonshiners who offer to bring her brother back to life but at a grim cost.”

I’m gonna have to side with the moonshiners here. If you can’t trust someone who makes illegal booze, what does that say about us as a civilized society?

Devil in the Dark

DEVIL IN THE DARK (2017)
“When estranged brothers Adam and Clint attempt to reconnect over a week-long hunting trip in remote British Columbia, they find the tables turned by a mysterious presence lurking in the forest.”

The mysterious presence in the Pacific Northwest woods can only be one of three things: Bigfoot, Bigfoot’s mother’s brother’s cousin or a Wendigo thingamajig. Or maybe it’s a Magic Bigfoot who dabbles in the Dark Arts. Yeah, I’m goin’ with that one.

Kong: Skull Island / Apocalypse Now

KONG: SKULL ISLAND (March 10, 2017)
The latest Kong: Skull Island ad poster is a nice homage to 1979’s Apocalypse Now. Got me thinking — what other similarities are there? In Apocalypse Now a military colonel goes rogue, kills a bunch of people and builds a kingdom for himself deep in the Viet Nam jungles.

In Kong: Skull Island, a giant rogue gorilla kills a bunch of people and builds himself a kingdom deep in the jungles of Skull Island.

My bad — totally different.

Suffering Sasquatch

Posted in Bigfoot, Classic Horror, Evil, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Suffering

Two new ones to accentuate your hallowed couch time: The Suffering (release pending sometime 2015) and the intriguing Valley of the Sasquatch (2015), which has a valley of some sort and possibly a Sasquatch if the title is to be believed.

In The Suffering: “Henry Dawles is at a crossroads in life. A diminished bank account and a baby on the way with his estranged wife have his personal life in shambles. When Mr. Remiel, an elderly shut-in, offers Henry a lucrative sum to appraise his rural estate, he accepts without hesitation.”

What follows is a harrowing exploration of mind and madness. A journey through an estate as vast and beautiful as it is secretive and horrific. When Henry closes in on the land’s dark truth, Remiel’s eccentric behavior takes a menacing and unforgettable turn.”

Need some clarification here as “eccentric behavior” can encompass anything from scratching your butt and smelling your fingers to practicing the Dark Arts with instructions found on the Internet. I’m guessing Mr. Remiel does both.

Valley of the Sasquatch

Valley of the Sasquatch is a great title. So why are red flags going up? First, no one in the history of the world has been able to make a great Sasquatch/Bigfoot movie. (OK, Harry and the Hendersons/1987. Hey, guilty pleasure – stay out of my wheelhouse.) Secondly, of all the 1,017 Bigfoot movies I’ve seen, the best costume is the one in the Jack Link’s™ Beef Jerky (or “meat snacks”) commercials.

Jack Links

So here’s the rally in the valley: After losing their home following a devastating tragedy, a father and son are forced to move to an old family cabin. This trip into the forest will unearth not only buried feelings of guilt and betrayal, but also a tribe of Sasquatch that are determined to protect their land.”

Valley of the Sasquatch

Of course Sasquatch is territorial – every time a hunter, day hiker, camper, forest ranger leaves a trail of stink in the woods, you’re dissing and pissing in Bigfoot’s hood. Can’t blame him for wanting to eat your face like it was an overpriced meat snack. (They had to pay for the suit somehow.)