Archive for crystal meth

Vomit-Faced Rat Alien

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Alien Terminator

Six bio-scientists (hippies in lab coats) are finishing up a two-year experiment in an underground laboratory. The lab — owned by the Earthtek Corporation — is five miles below sewer lines. When somebody farts, it ruins everyone’s day because hey, no windows.

Alien Terminator

One of the scientists/hippies has been synthesizing crystal meth for its “mind-expanding properties.” He uses his expanded mind to traverse the complex DNA genetic project he’s working on, injects it into his science rat and the thing goes berserk.

Alien Terminator

From here on out Alien Terminator (1995) is an Alien (1979) rip-off, with people (two of which are supermodels) searching with guns for the rat, that by now is seven-feet tall and walking on hind legs because chewing on people stimulates its growth hormones. I hear growth hormones pair nicely with Steel Reserve Triple Export Malt Liquor™.

Alien Terminator

The monster looks like a guy in overalls with cotton candy glued to it. Its face appears to be made of dried mud, gum, bottle caps and cigarette butts. (What, no plastic carnival vomit?)

I don’t care how awesome it might be to live underground with two supermodel science hippie chicks, this movie is a big pile of plastic carnival vomit.

Stoned Cold

Posted in Bigfoot, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead of Winter

In Dead of Winter (aka, Lost Signal/2006), college sweethearts Kevin and Tiffany (they’re in luv) go to a New Year’s Eve house party, snort some crystal meth and do a shot of what they thought was cold and refreshing alcohol. The flavorful drink was laced with LSD. If you’ve ever wanted to know what happens when you mix LSD with crystal meth, the results are pretty much what you’d expect – your head turns inside out and encores with you sh*tting your pants in front of friends and relatives.

Dead of Winter

Driving home in the snow, Kevin hallucinates a mysterious old man in the back seat of his car. They stop, leap out of the vehicle and bolt for the woods. (Note: It’s called Tanglewoods for a reason.) Freezing and tripping or “re-imagining reality,” both become extremely paranoid, all of which is complicated by the onset of cold and refreshing hypothermia.

Dead of Winter

They manage a call 9-1-1, but they’re so lost in the woods, only tracker bears and maybe vampire owls could find them. Attempting to get inside the cab of a snow plow, the darn thing comes to life and chases Kevin down, who loses a shoe in the process. (Note to self: socks are worthless in snow.)

Dead of Winter

Kevin and Tiffany find a small shed and plan to ride out the night in there. Instantly, the shack shakes like it was being drum soloed by Bigfoot. Demonic voices whisper evil things. Kevin starts freaking out on Tiffany and decides she needs to be killed into portion appropriate cubes, and chases her to an unoccupied house.

Lost Signal

The silly gal manages to lock him out and he figures out a way in, applying the Santa Claus methodology. Most of the movie is just Kev and Tif running around in the freezing cold and freaking out. The “shock” ending is actually quite stock and should be largely ignored.

So the message here is don’t do drugs in the snow. Save ’em for a nice and warm sunny beach where there aren’t any ghost snow plows around for miles.

P.S. Don’t do drugs.