Archive for crows

Bats vs. Humans

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bats: Human Harvest

Bats: Human Harvest (2007). Suckered yet again by a craptacular movie with an intriguing title. This “sequel” finds the U.S. Army being tasked with finding an AWOL scientist in the Chechen Rebel-controlled Russian forest of Belzan. It doesn’t look like Belzan, rather upstate Vermont during raking season.

Bats: Human Harvest

The scientist managed to turn local bats into flesh-eaters to keep people from capturing him. A Russian-born supermodel CIA agent is in charge of leading a military special ops team into the batty forest. How she does this without taking her shirt off is a glaring plot discrepancy.

Bats: Human Harvest The bats look like crows with pointy wings and they’re supposed to rip flesh as if made of one-ply toilet paper. Yeah, that didn’t happen. The plot stalls on the runway five minutes in. There’s no suspense or graphic scenes of nature-gone-wild. A bomb ends the bat problem and the movie.

Bats: Human Harvest

I could’ve scratched my butt for 90 minutes and had more satisfying entertainment than this guano. But thanks to Gold Bond™ medicated powder (or “talcum in the middle”) that is no longer an option.

This Horror Is For The Birds

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Birds

Bodega Bay in Northern California is a small seaside town. Until recently, all was Norman Rockwell life as usual as life could be living next to stinky low tides.

The Birds

A snubbed rich socialite shows up to chase – and possibly hook up with – a fashion catalog worthy handsome man. He thinks she’s a b*tch. She kinda is. But hey, she’s high tide hot, so my advice would be to play this one out.

The Birds

This encounter coincides with unusual attacks on the townsfolk by indigenous birds, which may or may not include flesh-eating pterodactyls. OK, maybe not. A metaphor on how women nag men, the pecking escalates into a full-blown war on all things human by countless seagulls, murders of crows, a duck, and I think a squadron or two of vultures. Time to cry fowl. Heh.

The Birds

Eyes get jabbed out by beaks of destruction. Children birthday parties get spoiled by air raids of gulls. Cars get covered with metric tons of bird sh*t. The socialite takes refuge at the handsome man’s house where he lives with his little sister and conservative mother, all of whom are beleaguered by the winged doom-bringers. Who would have thought mere stupid birds could bring so much beaked beat down?

The Birds

Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds (1963) is one of the all time greatest horror movies ever because the killer birds are real. No stunt feathers here. Amazingly, there is no soundtrack to this film either, so oboe warnings of impending attacks are nowhere to be heard.

The Birds

And the birds? They’re about to rearrange the pecking order of the entire Human Race. Heh.