Archive for crabs

Finding Fantastic Beasts

Posted in Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them is a return to the universe of Harry Potter by creator/mega-billionaire J.K. Rowling. It started out a book in 2001, but because of Rowling’s history of turning anti-Christian sentiments into box office gold (good for her), it’s to be a movie as well, due out in November of 2016. Why they’re plugging it now (December, 2015 – 11 months before it comes out – obviously means they need time to license premium toy tie-ins. (One can never have too much money.)

Still, as cool as the concept seems, it feels like a half-baked crossover. Then again, I didn’t read the book as I gave up reading once TV was invented. And hey, if I wanna find a fantastic beast, all I have to do is look in a mirror. Heh.

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

But we’ve already seen a pile of mythical monsters in the Harry Potter movies – a giant three-headed dog that takes craps the size of giant spiders; Giant spiders that talk and eat human meatloaf; A parrot that bursts into flames like a defective bottle rocket; Centaurs that cover the forest floor with recycled apples; Bulimic werewolves with 3% body fat who binge and purge every full moon; Dragons (aka, flying BBQs); Bird/horse hybrids that chow down on raw ferret as if woodland sushi; Mail-carrying owls (delivering late as to emulate real postal service); Talking snakes (they pronounce “s’’’s really well); And 15-foot trolls with I.Qs around that of your average movie blogger. So what else could they possibly bring to the table?

Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them

Glad you asked. Here’s a few fantastic beast copyright worthy ideas: Ghost Monkeys – they fling zoo poo at you and then disappear, much to the delight of everyone not covered in you know what. Land Crabs that cause itching that can’t be stopped, even with generously applied pyrethrins and piperonyl butoxides. Sea Bats that look like seagulls – they steal your french fries and peck your neck. Giant turtles that shoot flames out their… Oh, wait – that one’s been done.

J.K. Rowling – please contact me for licensing rights. Bring your 10-ton checkbook.

Aliens Give You Crabs

Posted in Aliens, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 4, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Montauk Chronicles

For some, Montauk, located in the town of East Hampton in Suffolk County, New York, on the eastern end of the south shore of Long Island, is the place to eat fresh crab, go swimming with crabs and, if you know where to party, catch crabs. Heh.

Montauk Chronicles

But for us in the know, Montauk is the place of government conspiracies, human experimentation, animal hybrids and, most importantly, where extraterrestrials are involved in all of the above.

Not surprising, then, that someone was gonna eventually do a movie about the mysterious place. And that movie (documentary, actually) is Montauk Chronicles (2014), just now arriving on DVD, blah, blah, blah.

Montauk Chronicles

The docu-drama goes a little something like this: Montauk Chronicles is about the Montauk Project, a series of experiments allegedly conducted beneath the now abandoned Camp Hero Air Force base in the aforementioned town located at the tip of Long Island, New York.”

Montauk Chronicles

“Through a combination of talking head interviews (three of whom are men who claim to have been experimented upon when the experiments happened throughout the 1970’s and 1980’s) and cinematic recreations which manage to produce some surreal and truly haunting visuals of malevolent aliens, grievous bodily harm, and unstable happenings of a phantasmagorical nature.”

Montauk Chronicles

How you could not like the word “phantasmagorical”? I like it so much, it’s now my word-of-the-day all week long.

Montauk Chronicles has been getting phantasmagorical reviews and awards, so watch this absorbing documentary and then go catch a case of the crabs. For your next phantasmagorical party. What did you think I meant?