Archive for crab

A Case of the Crabs

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 2, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Queen Crab

Giant crab movies are nothing new. You can go far back as 1961’s Mysterious Island for some sweet supersized crustacean action. And when you run out of ways to have mega crabs shell humans as if they were um, crab legs, then you give the title creature a new designation: Queen Crab. No word if this is a gay crab or one born of royalty.

Mysterious Island

Filmed using good old fashion stop-motion (see The Gumby Show/1956), Queen Crab is introduced via a meteor crashing into a remote quiet lake, probably loaded with giant leeches (see Attack of the Giant Leeches/1959). From there the space rock, probably thrown by God (see The Ten Commandments/1956), “awakens a centuries-old beast, who tears through a nearby town and its inhabitants who must fight for their lives and stop this Queen Crab before she can hatch an army of babies.”

Gumby

An army of crab babies. Good luck finding diapers that stay on during pinch-y attacks on humanity.

Queen Crab arrives via DVD September 2015 and is reported to be loaded with extras. Wishful thinking, but I hope one of the extras is a package of drawn butter and/or cocktail sauce.

A Killer of Sharks

Posted in Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 16, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Shark Killer

It makes sense that if you have movies about killer sharks, then you should have one about a shark killer. And why waste valuable brain cells coming up with a marketable title? Just call it Shark Killer.

And that’s what someone did. Shark Killer (2015) is about a wisecracking hunk (who looks like Chris Pratt’s steroid clone and is shamelessly patterned after the Guardian of the Galaxy hero) hired by criminals to retrieve a crab-sized diamond that was eaten by a great white shark. Here’s how THEY describe it…

“The services of shark killer Chase Walker have been engaged by his brother, Jake, the head of a South African crime ring. The gig – kill the black-finned shark that swallowed a valuable diamond during a gang transaction.”

“Enlisted to keep an eye on Chase is Jake’s girlfriend, Jasmine. But Chase and Jasmine’s relationship deepens with the threats from a rival crime boss: Bring the diamond to him or die. Now, it’s crime boss against crime boss, brother against brother, and man against nature as Chase strives to rescue Jasmine, save his own life, and seize the greatest catch of his career.”

First thought – way too much plot getting in the way of the shark eating somebody for my personal entertainment. Secondly, the trailer shows the shark, indistinguishable from every other great white shark in the ocean, as being quickly zeroed in on and swimming faster than a dolphin-flavored porpoise.

Shark Killer

I like shark movies for the same reason I like movies about Bigfoot, mostly because they’re totally real. But if the attention of the action is focused on the shark killer and not the shark, then I have to cry red herring. I hope the filmmakers will read this and sea (heh) that they’re wrong, then delete the entire movie and start all over again using me as the action hero. It’s the right thing to do.