Several things you need to know before you watch Female Vampire (1973). First, there is a LOT of naked nudity. Front, back, upside down, sideways, rolling around, perpendicular… Secondly, it’s sub-titled. But when you have that much sex and naked stuff, sub-titles seem more or less an annoyance.
Female Vampire is a European horror film about Countess Irina von Karlstein, a young and eerily attractive, fang-less descendant of a family of vampires, who, unable to speak (not with her mouth full all the time), goes around having unsafe sex with anyone, anytime, anywhere. Just so you know, it’s not blood that sustains her. Use some imagineering here.
And since this is the ‘70s and in Europe, there is an abundance of body hair, all of which is zoomed in on – sometimes uncomfortably close. Which reminds me, I should probably mow the lawn and trim those bushy hedges.
There’s a plot, but it only gets paid lip service as Irina pays a lot of lip service on her victims and spends most of the movie wearing nothing but a leather belt, knee-high leather boots and a cape. In case she gets cold. I don’t see how as she’s so hot. Heh.
Unlike Irina, all bases are covered: girl on guy, guy on girl, girl on girl, girl on bed post, girl on bed pillow, girl on bath tub… There’s even an S&M scene thrown in there to make it more continental.
Female Vampire comes in several varieties/titles: The Bare Breasted Countess, in both hard R-rated and X-rated versions. Regardless, you could say this movie sucks. But that’s the point, is it not?
P.S. Female Vampire is available for streaming on Netflix™. You’re welcome.
Drinkin' & Drive-in 