Horror City Central has taken cherished children’s games and recast them as posters for fictional horror movies. As horror ideas go, this wins an Academy Award™, or at the very least, a non-sweaty handshake and some gum.
Hungry Hungry Hippos™…Mousetrap™…Cooties™…Operation™. Not only do these games sound like horror movies, they’re perfectly suited for a genre upgrade. Can you think of a fate worse than being sober or to be chowed on by a human-eating hippopotamus? How about being a captured (and likely tortured with process cheese) adult-sized rodent? Or your internal guts rampantly infested with super icky playground germs? It’s like reliving my youth as an adult.
Here’s a few more kid’s games ideas screaming for a fake horror movie one-sheet treatments: “Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Killbots,” “Murder Monopoly,” “Boobies Trap,” “Twisted,” “Strigoi Stratego,” “Kick The Bucket,” “Hide ’n Shriek,” “Hanging with the Hangman”…
While we go stand in line for movies that aren’t really movies, here are a few upcoming horror flicks that may or may not sink your battleship…
THE LONELIEST BOY IN THE WORLD / October 18, 2022 (VOD)
“When the sheltered and unsocialized Oliver is tasked with making new friends after the sudden and devastating death of his mother, he decides that digging a few up (literally) might be his best bet. However, when he awakens the morning after his excavating escapades, he discovers that his newly acquired friends have mysteriously come to life overnight, launching them all into a series of misadventures as they try to keep their secret safe from neighbors, classmates and social workers alike.”
Making friends with zombies and having madcap misadventures sounds like something to do other than go to work. And who wouldn’t want a BFF (Buried Flesh Feaster) to chillax with? For one thing, nobody would make fun of your movie title…
JESTERPUS / Pending release, 2022/2023
“Merlin returns from his slumber to battle a supernatural clown from Mars.”
Greatest. Plot. Ever. I haven’t seen this yet and am already proclaiming it to be the Best. Movie. Ever.
ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD / Pending release 2022/2023
“When Matt Wilbee decides to end his life, he alerts his estranged high school friends, but after their arrival, a deranged killer starts picking them off one-by-one.”
If this isn’t the definition of one-stop shopping, I don’t know what is.
LOCKED IN / Pending release 2022/2023
“Two women from opposite sides of society find themselves the infatuation of a mysterious killer while struggling with their own convictions and misconceptions.”
Struggling to find their own convictions and misconceptions. Weird. You have a mysterious killer all up in your personal affairs, and all you can think of doing is reflective self-improvement? Maybe you’re not the kind of person a mysterious killer would wanna waste his time with.
Drinkin' & Drive-in 