Archive for Comic books

Spider-Man, Bloody Vampires, Demonic Nuns

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Seriously considering about not going to movie theaters anymore and just renting new flicks on Fandangonow.com for a mere $4.99. Sure, I won’t get to see the latest flicks the second they come out, but dango, movie theater tickets/popcorn/soda/hot dogs are getting to be about the price of a steak dinner with a cloth napkin.

Then there are the obnoxious theater goers who continue to talk during the movie and/or use their cellphones. The death penalty would be too lenient for these jerks. So yeah, I can save a bunch of money, not get stressed out and horizontally lay on my couch and watch movies. Very uncomfortable, rude and probably CDC unhygienic to lay down on movie theater seats.

Speaking of movies I’ll probably not see in the theaters (and a few not at all), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi/fantasy movies for your horizontal viewing pleasure…

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (July 7, 2017)
“Thrilled by his experience with the Avengers, young Peter Parker returns home to live with his Aunt May. Under the watchful eye of mentor Tony Stark, Parker starts to embrace his newfound identity as Spider-Man. He also tries to return to his normal daily routine — distracted by thoughts of proving himself to be more than just a friendly neighborhood superhero. Peter must soon put his powers to the test when the evil Vulture emerges to threaten everything that he holds dear.”

Deadpool

Is it just me or is the new Spider-Man movie taking a direct marketing lead from Deadpool (2016)? Makes sense as they both wear similar masks. Deadpool, though, shoots guns; Spider-Man just webs his pants. Heh. Don’t get my solid gold attempts at humor mislead you; I can’t wait for Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017). The trailers are kick asinine and Spidey’s an old comic book fav. That’s were I learned to read and webbed in my own pants. Yeesh — I hope that was webbing.

Super Dark Times

SUPER DARK TIMES (October 3, 2017)
“Teenagers Zach and Josh have been best friends their whole lives. But when a gruesome accident leads to a cover-up, the secret drives a wedge between them and propels them down a rabbit hole of escalating paranoia and violence.

The title sounds like something a teenager would say. Wonder what the gruesome accident is? A zit-popping contest gone wrong? The cinnamon challenge? Planking over a shark-filled pool? Doing the mannequin challenge on a train track? You can never tell with idiot teenagers.

Blood Dynasty

BLOOD DYNASTY (October 31, 2017)
Blood Dynasty is the third in “Irina” vampire film cycle, that began with 2012’s award winning Blood for Irina and continued in 2014’s Queen of Blood. The character of Irina – inspired in part by Lina Romay’s character in Franco’s Female Vampire (1975) — is once more reborn, rising from the sea to bring madness and bloodlust to a lonely young woman living in a decaying motel.”

Queen of Blood seems to be the go-to phrase these days, what with the new Hell Boy movie using it as well. As for Female Vampire, there’s some pretty bold undressedness in that one. You’ve been warned.

Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle

JUMANJI — WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (December 20, 2017)
“Four high school kids discover an old video game console and are drawn into the game’s jungle setting, literally becoming the adult avatars they chose. What they discover is that you don’t just play Jumanji — you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they’ll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves — or they’ll be stuck in the game forever.”

Oddly, I never saw the original Jumanji, released back in 1995. Looked too goofy to me. And to keep the goof factor in place for the remake, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson — is the lead, along with the always hilarious Jack Black. I think Dwayne’s in every movie coming out these days. Seems like he is. As a movie star he’s good. But as a former WWE superstar, he was king of the ring.

The Nun

THE NUN (July 13, 2018)
“When a young nun at a cloistered abbey in Romania takes her own life, a priest with a haunted past and a novitiate on the threshold of her final vows are sent by the Vatican to investigate. Together they uncover the order’s unholy secret. Risking not only their lives but their faith and their very souls, they confront a malevolent force in the form of the same demonic nun that first terrorized audiences in The Conjuring 2, as the abbey becomes a horrific battleground between the living and the damned.”

The Nun

For your own sanity’s sake, The Nun probably should not be confused with The Nun from 2005. (Same named horror movies give me tummy achings.) So this is the scary nun from The Conjuring (2013), like that movie’s “possessed” doll Annabelle, also getting her back story spin-off. With seven Conjuring and planned tie-in movies based its characters, I figured that particular cow was milked dry after the formulaic The Conjuring 2 (2016).

Vampires, Drugs, Human Dogs

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Slashers, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aaron's Blood

Growing up reading comic books (before they were called “graphic novels” and charging adult money for ’em), the superheroes ALWAYS went to great lengths to keep their secret identity secret. Not so on the lightweight but still entertaining TV shows The Flash, Arrow and Supergirl — there are dozens of people who know who they are in non-hero mode and what they do when they take their crime fighting uniforms off.

Each of these superheroes better hope I don’t move to one of their cities and go all loose lip after sipping a casual 10 Budweisers™. Then again, I have need for someone with meta-human skills, so maybe we could work something out. You scratch my cape, I’ll scratch yours.

That said, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not require 10 relaxing Budweisers™ to enjoy…

AARON’S BLOOD (June 2, 2017)
“Aaron copes with his new life as a single father and the distant relationship he shares with his only child Tate. A timid hemophiliac, Tate is roughed up at school by the chief bully causing a massive nosebleed that lands him in the hospital fighting for his life. He makes a miraculous recovery after a necessary blood transfusion, but Aaron begins to notice progressively strange behaviors in his son. Faced with the grim possibility that his son could be becoming a vampire, Aaron enlists the help of a local vampire hunter and embarks on a frantic search to find the source of the infection to stop the transformation before it’s too late.”

That’d suck up one side and down the other to get a nosebleed that pretty much drains your entire body of the good stuff. As for the tainted blood transfusion, becoming a vampire because of it should be the least of your worries; blood donors are well-known disease factories. I heartedly recommend drinking adult beverages to cleanse the blood supply. Like Clorox Wipes™ the alcohol content alone can kill off most pathogens, supernatural or otherwise.

The Bad Batch

THE BAD BATCH (June 23, 2017)
“Arlen is unceremoniously dumped in a Texas wasteland fenced off from civilized society. While trying to orient her unforgiving environment, she’s captured by a savage band of cannibals and quickly realizes she’ll have to fight her way through her new reality. As Arlen adjusts to life in ‘the bad batch’ she discovers that being good or bad mostly depends on who you’re standing next to.”

The Bad Batch has been described as “a savage dystopian cannibal fairy tale set in a Texas wasteland where society’s rejects are just trying to make ends meat.” That’s pretty dang gosh darn funny. I know — language. Sometimes I resort to gutter speak to get my point across. Apologies. Couple things — this is a semi-big budget movie with legit big names. Secondly, since when did cannibals become mainstream? What’s next — slashers working at the local butcher store? Sometimes I just don’t get this gosh danged (I know, swear jar) world we live in.

Woodshock

WOODSHOCK (2017)
“A woman falls deeper into paranoia after taking a deadly drug.”

So your red flags didn’t go up prior to the great idea of taking a deadly drug? You’ve got bigger problems than deep paranoia. P.S. Don’t do drugs.

Bitch

BITCH (2017)
“Jill, a lonely, distraught housewife with four unruly children, paces on her dining room table with a belt around her neck, contemplating a desperate end to her wretchedness. Her husband, Bill, focused on his identity as breadwinner and an affair with a lusty co-worker, is as oblivious to Jill’s growing terror that she will do something destructive as he is to the panic at his unraveling company. Meanwhile, dogs bark and howl through the night, as one persistent mutt continually stalks the family’s yard. When Jill’s psyche finally breaks, she takes on a vicious new canine persona.”

A woman mood swings herself into becoming a dog? Hold your Lassie jokes — this could actually be fun/funny. Really hoping she doesn’t get the urge to sniff butts and…I should probably stop talking.