Archive for comic book

Underwater Love, Ancient Alligator, Rehab Werewolf

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Fantasy, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, UFOs, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Aquaman

They — and I have no idea who “they” are — just released a slew (from the Irish Gaelic sluagh, meaning “multitude”) of Aquaman (December 21, 2018) character posters, one even including Aquaman himself wearing his classic DC Comics™ orange/green scaly costume. Not sure how I feel about that since showing Aquaman swimming around in leather pants in Justice League (2017) was somewhat…intriguing.

Black Manta/King Nereus

Love the new posters: Black Manta (with the football shape of his head, how does he keep headphones from slipping off?), King Nereus on a seahorse (I got mine from the back of a comic book), Queen Atlanna (I would totally bow to her bathing suit area any day), and Princess Mera, Aquaman’s on/off girlfriend. (Wonder if she could give me swimming lessons? I’d pretend to drown so she’d have to perform mouth-to-mouth on me — for, like a half hour, followed by a refreshing adult beverage, some seafood appetizers and a little skinny dipping — not necessarily in that order.)

Queen Atlanna / Princess Mera

While I go shopping for a new swim suit that doesn’t zip up the back, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be as tasty as Clams Casino

Crocodylus

CROCODYLUS (2018)
“A dark secret is unearthed by a local farmer. Local paleontologists reveal its the remains of a prehistoric monster Crocodylus. It’s trible seal has been broken unleashing terror upon the local towns people.”

As bat-sh*t crazy as the world seems to be right now, you know we’re okay when we get another giant crocodile movie. Let’s hope this croc has a taste for politicians. That would be ironic as politicians tend to leave a sour taste in one’s mouth/gaping jaws of doom.

Among The Shadows

AMONG THE SHADOWS (2018/2019)
Kristy Wolfe is a Brussels private eye descended from werewolves who must go to work when her uncle Harry Goldtsone is murdered in a politically-motivated attack. Patricia Sherman, the wife of European Federation President Richard Sherman, hires Wolfe to investigate Goldstone’s killing, as he was her husband’s campaign manager. Wolfe finds bodies falling all over city and must use her innate instincts to unravel the case and stay alive long enough unmask the conspiracy.”

Two things: werewolf movie = neato. Secondly, waaay too much plot getting in the way of fur where there was no fur before. (Yeah, I used that joke before — I’m sure you’ll find a way to get over it.)

Captive State

CAPTIVE STATE (March 29, 2019)
“Set in a Chicago neighborhood nearly a decade after an occupation by an extraterrestrial force, Captive State explores the lives on both sides of the conflict — the collaborators and dissidents.”

Aliens becoming our master overlords. Y’know this might make for a good TV series as well. They could call it Alien Nation or V or Falling Skies or The Invaders or Earth: Final Conflict or…

STARFISH (2019)
A young woman who struggles with the death of her best friend while trying to assemble a series of clues left on mixtapes in order to stop a monstrous end to the world as we know it.”

It figures the end of the world would end up on mixtapes. Who made this film — some dumbass dorm student who thinks social media is a substitute for actually having a real life?

Superhuman, Super Lame, Superman’s Grandpa

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Science Fiction, Slashers, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 2, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Armed Response

Keeping a watchful eyeball on X-Men: The New Mutants movie slated for 2018. Don’t know why I thought this was gonna be a TV series. Wishful thinking. (Maybe getting it mixing bowl’d with The Gifted, another Marvel/X-Men spin-off.) From the press release: “Styled in some places (although not officially) as X-Men: The New Mutants, the film will be based on the longstanding spin-off comic dealing with Professor X’s younger class of superhumans.”

No doubt it will star a bunch of “superheroes” with inhumanly perfect white teeth, perfect complexions and perfect chiseled abs that look like perfectly aligned pie dough rollers.

Speaking perfect, here’s some upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not be pie-rollers…

ARMED RESPONSE (August 4, 2017/VOD/Limited)
“The compound, known professionally as a Temple, is an artificial intelligence powered facility designed for interrogating high level prisoners. Upon entering the Temple, the soldiers quickly find the earlier team horrifically slaughtered but no evidence as to who is responsible. Almost immediately, the crew (led by Wesley Snipes) begins to experience strange and horrific supernatural phenomena as they attempt to uncover who killed the previous team. Soon enough, they find a lone survivor, a dangerous terrorist who may hold the key to who killed the soldiers.”

Sounds almost exactly like The Predator (1987.)

Just when you thought Wesley Snipes’ movie titles could get any worse. (Looking in your direction The Marksman (2005), The Detonator (2006), The Contractor (2007). As in 99% of WS movies, you can expect a lot of guns, endless shooting/bullets and more importantly, gun posing. Mind you, Mr. Snipes is an exceptionally fine American talent (looking in your direction, The Fan/1996). But he’s far more talented than the movies he stars in (I’m looking in your direction, Gallow Walkers /2012.)

68 Kill

68 KILL (August 25, 2017)
“A hard-working man’s inability to say no to beautiful women gets him in trouble when he agrees to steal $68,000.

Bloody-Disgusting.com is calling 68 Kill, “bloody, hilarious Southern Gothic madness.” As for the “can’t say no to women” guy — dude, I get it. But stealing is a criminal act, whether said beautiful woman physically rewards such unlawful behavior or not. And no, butt hickeys are not rewards. Okay, sometimes they are. But a crime is a crime.

6:66 P.M.

6.66PM (2017/2018)
“A team of television ghost hunters gets more than they bargained for. The house, they are pretending is haunted, turns out to be occupied by the evil spirit of an insane serial killer. Their scripted reality show goes hilariously haywire as the demon fights to take possession of their bodies. But can they make it out alive? Only time will tell in this silly case of spooky shenanigans where the body count keeps rising and so do the undead.”

Better title than 7:06PM. I tried setting my kitchen clock to 6:66PM, but every time I look at it, it says 7:06PM. I wonder if it’s possessed or if I’m that dumb? Possessed clock, no doubt. Still keeping it. The above sounds like a horror comedy, a genre that should not exist. Then again, without it, we would haven’t have gems as The Ghost And Mr. Chicken/1966 (a cinematic horror comedy landmark/benchmark) and Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)/2011, a movie so anti-good, how could it not be a comedy?)

Krypton

KRYPTON (TV series/2018)
Krypton will follow Superman’s grandfather — whose House of El was ostracized and shamed — as he fights to redeem his family’s honor and save his beloved world from chaos.”

Love how TV is embracing comic book history and actually doing a bit of re-imagining to make it palatable to people who don’t know the fundamental and cool difference between an actual comic book whose printed low-grade pages were more like recycled toilet paper than that of the digital “graphic novels” of today. There’s something intrinsically wrong about implementing a morning constitutional while swiping, which ironically, is something you should be doing afterward.

The humorous intent of this blog is dedicated to Andrea Nelson, a long time friend who left us far too soon, but nevertheless has kept a smile on my face over countless jokes over countless years. Miss you dearly, you adorable nut bag.

Furnace Face

Posted in Evil, Ghosts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 19, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Ghost Rider

Ghost Rider is a leather jacket wearing skeleton with a flaming head who drives a demon-fueled motorcycle up the sides of buildings. He also has a flaming whip with which to snap your crime ass.

Ghost Rider

Before he was a flaming skeleton vigilante, Ghost Rider was Johnny Blaze, a daredevil motorcycle stunt performer. Sheer coincidence about the whole flame/blaze connection.

Ghost Rider

So how did he get to be such a hot head? The old west town of San Venganza is populated by 1,000 corrupt souls. Mephistopheles sends a Ghost Rider to round ‘em up. GR doesn’t want to do it and runs away. Time to hire a new Ghost Rider. Blaze is offered a deal: his father’s cancer will be cured if he’d sign over his soul. But as in all deal’s with evil, you ultimately get f’d in the b-hole. Hence, the flaming lips.

Ghost Rider

Blaze takes the job in order to get his soul back. (The deal for his father went up in smoke.) But what a dumbass – you can drive up walls, man! That said, Ghost Rider (2007) is loaded with comic book thrills and PG-language. Needed more flames, though.

Medium Rare Face

Posted in Classic Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Darkman

Peyton Westlake is a scientist who has been working on developing synthetic skin. Hmm, not seeing an obvious market for such a product other than adding a new taste texture to Hostess Cupcakes™.

Darkman

Peyton’s bummed because the skin can only last 99 minutes when exposed to light, melting away into a messy goo as it disintegrates. Stays put in the darkness, though, so there’s that.

The doc’s girlfriend is an attorney who has enough evidence to put a local crime boss into the crossbar hotel for life. Guess it wasn’t very smart of her to drop by Peyton’s waterfront warehouse lab with that evidence. So it’s kind a hard to blame Durant, the crime boss, for blowing the place up, unfortunately with Peyton in it.

Darkman

His flesh seared off and his body flash-cured, the well-done doc is not done yet. He makes it back to shore without being eaten by sharks, res-sets up his lab, and goes about perfecting his synthetic skin, because now he has a customer for it.

Darkman

Seeking revenge, Peyton is able to make his skin look like yours or your mom’s, which means he can imitate the very criminals he hates with what’s left of his stir-fried sanity. This causes much confusion and angst among the criminals, who can’t figure out what the epidermis cookin’ hell is goin’ on around here.

Darkman

Darkman (1990) plays like a comic book come to life with lots of exaggerated action and facial expressions. Those WITH faces, anyway. And Peyton is crazy cool, what with his bandaged face, dark hat and trench coat, and his inability to feel physical pain (ask the doctor who experimented on him after the “accident”). That he goes freakin’ nuts means someone’s gonna have to FACE up to their punishment. Heh.

Evil Angels vs. Good Devils

Posted in Asian Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Foreign Horror, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 6, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Devilman

You gotta love scientists. In their quest to find a cure for something they can over-charge us for, they unleash demonic spirits that’ve been living under ice for millions of years in the vacation destination Antarctic. These spirits invade your body and turn you into a comic book version of something bent on ill-intent, which is the case of high school BFFs Akira and Ryo, now an evil “angel” and a good “devil.”

Devilman

Akira didn’t change all the way – his human side keeps him from wrecking people/stuff. But that doesn’t stop Ryo – who now calls himself Satan (uh, you might wanna check the intellectual rights on that, buddy) – from smacking Akira in the flesh areas.

Devilman

Now that humans are onto the demons (pfffttt, finally), a nationwide witch hunt ensues, and demons (or anyone thought to be one) are systematically murdered into pieces by angry and frightened mobs. What this does is wipe out everybody and everything, leaving Akira to hold his girlfriend’s freshly decapitated head in his arms and pout. (Sheesh – get over her, dude.)

Devilman

The demons, though, are fairly inventive, what with various horns and sharp things poking out of their faces. One supermodel angel girl grows wings out of her head and flies around. I wish I could grow wings out of my head and hang out with her on top of some building that you could only get to by flying.

Devilman

The special effects are over-the-top comic book-y (mostly anime), and the spraying guts ’n gore about where they needed to be. But devils versus angels should’ve been way more, I don’t know, epic. After the action dies (sorry) down, we’re left with 10 uninterrupted minutes of Akira/Devilman staring at the ground, floating in puddles of sorrow. Yeah, Devilman (2004) floats in something, but I don’t think it’s grief.

FYI: This movie was based on the 1972 Nagai anime comic by the same name, whatever that is.