Archive for Chris Jericho

President Shark

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Scream Queens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 20, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Usually I’m a big believer in something that’s worth doing is worth overdoing. (Start with refreshing cans/bottles of refreshing Budweiser™ and go from there.)

The reason I say that is I’m not a 100% hedonist. Thinkin’ maybe 98.3% tops. So if I apply that formula to the 2013 cult sci-fi hit Sharknado (upper end of the indulgent odometer) and 2014’s Sharknado 2: The Second One (about 64%), it stands to reason that the impending Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, slated for release in late July 2015, while clearly going to the well once too often, should come in at 41% on my gluttony-for-bad-movies scale. Why? What else can they do with the plot?

Here’s the filmmaker’s argument: “The battle between man and nature lands on the steps of the Nation’s capital where the latest storm is threatening to destroy everything from Washington D.C. to Florida. It’s up to returning heroes Tara Reid and Ian Ziering to squash this storm for good. Also appearing in the third film will be Mark Cuban as the President of the United States, Ann Coulter as the VP, Chris Jericho as a roller coaster operator, and Jerry Springer as a tourist.”

Ugh. You know you’re scraping bottom when you put Jerry Springer in your movie.

So will I watch Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!? Maybe. Depends on how many refreshing cans/bottles of Budweiser™ I have under my belt.

Robots Don’t Heart Humans

Posted in Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Android Apocalypse

In the future where dirt burns and pollution makes your nose and eyes runny, you’ll live in a city encased in a big glass bubble to keep the stink air out. The area outside – a parking lot wasteland – is patrolled by Matrix-esque flying machine probes that shoot spiky knives into your pillowy human flesh.

Android Apocalypse

While androids are generally used to do the crap work humans don’t wanna get off the couch to do (“Yo, Terminator – get me another future beer…”), the uppity machines are secretly working on a way to take over the bubble and eliminate the stink humans. They’re doing this by removing human brain juice and syncing it up with android juice to create the perfect android. (If human anything is involved, not much perfect.)

Android Apocalypse

Robots want to kill off the humans so that they can use their parts and become human themselves. I call this the Radio Shack Gone Wild theory.

Android Apocalypse

The plot of Android Apocalypse (2006) samples shamelessly from The Fortress (1992), the blood is green (kind of a luminous avocado), WWE™ superstar Chris Jericho punches faces, and the fight scenes (see “Chris Jericho”) somewhat joyful. The only female android, however, does not take off her mecha-blouse.

Sci-fi has become so watered down these days.