Archive for Channel Zero: Candle Cove

13 Fridays, Raiding Tombs, Killer Mom

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Fantasy, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, TV Vixens, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 20, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Channel Zero: No End House

Behold, the new key art poster for Channel Zero: No End House. I hear tell they’re gonna use the Brian Russell tale on Creepypasta.com, where they got the entire 6-episode plot for Channel Zero: Candle Cove (2016).

If you haven’t seen it, you might wanna watch it and fill your pants with creepy pasta (home of the Slenderman legend). It’s some of the spookiest TV on television. Okay, that was a bit redundant. So what — I drink.

While we’re waiting for Channel Zero: No End House to debut on the SyFy Channel on September 20, 2017, here are a few horror, sci-fi and fantasy adventure movies to get your pasta pot boiling….

The 13th Friday

THE 13th FRIDAY (October 7, 2017)
“When a female refugee discovers an ancient demonic device that opens the gateway to another realm, she unleashes a dark entity that poses as her daughter. After many failed attempts to have the church explain the creation of her worst nightmares, she learns that the house is cursed by an enraged spirit that died on Friday the 13th. And now a group of thrill seeking friends unknowingly unleash its wrath and damn their souls.”

Clever — take the iconic branding of Friday the 13th, swap the letters around just a bit, and then ride the coattails of a successful franchise with a weak plot/script. I should try that with my bar tab.

Nightmare Cinema

NIGHTMARE CINEMA (2017)
“This anthology centers on a series of down-on-their-luck individuals who enter the decrepit and spine-chilling Rialto Theater, only to have their deepest and darkest fears brought to life on the silver screen by The Projectionist – a mysterious, ghostly figure who holds the nightmarish futures of all who attend his screenings. By the time our patrons realize the truth, escape is no longer an option.”

Borrows heavily from the Italian gore fest Demons (1985), in which move-goers are trapped in a theater during a screening of a violent horror movie, unbeknown that they themselves are about to become infected demon gore zombies that shred each other into half-chewed Twizzlers™. Once again, life imitates art.

Tomb Raider

TOMB RAIDER (March 16, 2018)
Lara Croft is the fiercely independent daughter of an eccentric adventurer who vanished years earlier. Hoping to solve the mystery of her father’s disappearance, Croft embarks on a perilous journey to his last-known destination — a fabled tomb on a mythical island that might be somewhere off the coast of Japan. The stakes couldn’t be higher as Lara must rely on her sharp mind, blind faith and stubborn spirit to venture into the unknown.”

This reboot is already getting taken to task on the Internet for the poor Photoshopping of Alicia Vikander (Lara Croft) in the key art. It looks like she has a horse neck. Maybe she works out a lot and has hulk bulked her lateral flexion.

Applecart

APPLECART (2017/2018)
“A caring mother loses her sanity, setting off a chain of events resulting in tragedy and murder. The story of Casey Pollack unfolds from two very different perspectives when one night in the woods culminates in absolute terror.”

Only one thing that can set off a caring mother, turning her into a murderer — stretching Saran Wrap™ over the toilet seat, then lowering the lid. When mom has to tinkle, stand back and wait for the fun/murder. That may or may not have happened to me during my prankster years (grade 4 through 12).

Permanently Haunted House, Killer Clowns, Virgin Sacrifice

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Channel Zero: No-End House

If you were a loose bladdered fan of SyFy’s Channel Zero: Candle Cove (October 2016), be prepared to change your soiled britches once again as the next season, Channel Zero: No-End House is headed your way this October of 2017.

First, the premise: “A young woman named Margot Sleator visits the No-End House, a bizarre house of horrors that consists of a series of increasingly disturbing rooms. When she returns home, Margot realizes that everything has changed.”

Already feeling the urge to do a load. But the news of a follow-up season to the addictively creepy potboiler, Channel Zero: Candle Cove was goon-you-out ominous and had a tooth monster. (Wonder what kind of toothpaste it used? Those were some magnificent molars.)

Here’s what went down in the first one: “Children’s TV is usually wholesome entertainment that can be enjoyed by the whole family, but child psychologist Mike Painter thinks there’s one show in particular — Candle Cove — that might not have been so innocent. No one seems to remember the 1980s show except for Mike, and he has ever-growing suspicions that it might have played a role in a series of nightmarish events from his childhood, including the disappearance of his twin brother in the summer of 1988. When he returns home to investigate what happened all those years ago, Mike finds out that it — whatever it was — may be happening again.”

Watch it again, and while you’re rinsing out your delicates afterward, here are a few upcoming horror movies that’ll likely have you re-filling the washing machine…

The Domicile

THE DOMICILE (August, 2017/VOD)
Russel Brody, a one-time successful playwright, works diligently on a follow-up play that could land him back in the spotlight he so craves. With a baby on the way, however, and a strained marriage, stress and frustration take center stage. When his wife accidentally stumbles down the stairs and dies from her injuries, Brody’s mental state goes from bad to one of utter despair. In a bid to help his friend regain his sanity, Brody’s co-writer David Stanley suggests he revisits Lucy, his former mistress. The ghost of Brody’s dead wife awakens to the sordid details of his unfaithfulness, enraging her supernatural spirit to haunt him in every horrifying way imaginable.”

Geez, being nagged from the dead. This guy can’t catch a break — unless it was the break in the spine of the wife he pushed down the stairs. Accident, my b*tt.

Union Furnace

UNION FURNACE (August 15, 2017)
“Small-town crook Cody was at the end of his rope when a mysterious stranger offered him the chance of his life. There was just one catch — in this game, he would have to wager everything, including his life. Cody finds himself trapped amongst a band of outsiders and misfits — all fighting for their lives and a slice of the American dream. Fueled by a horde of masked sadists, Cody, and the others will win a fortune or die a brutal death.”

Kinda sounds like a discount version of Vegas. This one was released a year ago, but everybody blinked at the exact same time (what are the odds?) and missed it. Here’s your chance to unblink and take a look at this horror oddity.

Circus Kane

CIRCUS KANE (September 8, 2017)
“The notorious and disgraced circus master, Balthazar Kane, invites an unsuspecting group of social media stars to the revival of his Circus Kane by promising $250,000 to any of them who can make it through the night. Kane’s true plan quickly proves to be far more sinister as the contestants realize more than money is on the line. The group must fight for their lives to escape Kane’s demented house of horrors.”

Exact same premise — minus the KISS makeup, as The House on Haunted Hill (1959/1999). In 1959, the cash offered was $10,000. In 1999 it was $1,000,000. So for some clown to offer a measly $250,000 in 2017 is an insult to my wallet. I shall return the favor and not rent this plagiaristic — and low ball offer — horror movie. P.S. $10,000 in 1959 folding pocket change would havethe equivalent of  $83,540.48 in today’s spending bling.

Double Date

DOUBLE DATE (2017/2018)
“Jim, aided by his obnoxious but charming best friend Alex, on his quest to lose his virginity before he turns 30. The night before the big day they meet Kitty and Lulu, two beautiful sisters who seem determined to seduce them, but who secretly have another darker agenda for Jim’s birthday — virgin sacrifice.”

What a way to come and go. Heh.