Archive for CDC

Undead Thailand

Posted in Asian Horror, Asian Sci-Fi, Foreign Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2018 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Sars War

Thailand may think its pandemic-proof, but a SARS-infected bug says otherwise. One bite from this sick sucker and you turn into a zombie with piranha teeth. Convenient, then, that the first guy bitten lives in a fully occupied high-rise condo. No need to run around town biting people as there’s hundreds of bite-ables right here!

Sars War

The condo is also the place where a small gang of criminals are holding a businessman’s amazingly hot daughter for ransom. Sending a martial arts student to rescue her, all these events converge into a splattery eat-a-thon, with a house pet anaconda getting turned into a zombie as well. (It grows to about 50 feet and swallows people whole without chewing. So much for savoring.)

Sars War
Sealing off the building, the Thailand CDC sends in a supermodel doctor with a possible antidote. It doesn’t work and makes the zombies’ heads explode. But fortunately she’s wearing fishnets and leather hot pants under that hazmat suit. (Watch the movie and you’ll see why that’s an important plot point.)

Sars War

 

The student makes a deal with the hostage hottie: if he can get her out safe, then she has to have sex with him. Done and done. Battling their way through a flood of zombies, the student gets bitten, and before he can turn into a biter, drinks a bunch of laundry detergent and powdered cleaning products to keep from coming back and hurting the girl. Amazingly, he stumbled upon a cure for zombie-itis as the soapy combination cured him. Now he can have sex. Whew!

Sars War

After they knock boots in the condo’s romantic parking garage with zombies just around the corner, the snake shows up and swallows her. Then it swallows the student’s master. (Yeah, forgot to mention him. Forgot to mention the Stop Virus Bullet, too). But the master has the Green Frozen Sword and slices his way out, freeing the hottie and a criminal that was swallowed earlier.

Sars War

Even with snake gunk all over it, his gun still works, and he shoots the hottie in the back. Before she dies she pulls off her mask and reveals that she’s a he. Good times — the student lost his virginity to a tranny.

Sars War

Mixing anime with live zombie action, SARS War: Bangkok Zombie Crisis (2004) is played as a slapstick comedy, but has some really cool undead creatures. So where was the real hottie the whole time? She fell out a window wearing nothing but panties. Fortunately, a shirt hanging from a clothesline covered her shame and the soft bush below (hey, no jokes — this is a family movie) cushioned her fall. Whew!

Fear The Walking Dead

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 28, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Fear The Walking Dead

As a hardcore mega fan of AMC’s The Walking Dead series, I liked the onset premise that they just threw you into the deep end of the dead pool without any back story as to how the undead came to be. (In episode “TS-19,” Dr. Edwin Jenner – the CDC’s last survivor – couldn’t answer the question, best guessing that it could be microbial, viral, or simply not washing your hands after playing with people poo. Okay, that last one is a personal theory as to why the dead have come back to get us.)

With the summer 2015 impending Fear The Walking Dead six-episode spin-off, questions are proposed and possible answers hinted as to how the world got f’d in the b-hole in the first place.

Fear The Walking Dead

My best guessing is that they won’t reveal the inception of the dead. Once you know the answer, the rest is just running, screaming, biting, chewing, burping, farting. Then repeating all of the above. Why ruin a good thing?

What makes The Walking Dead work so well has never really been the omnipresent zombies (okay, maybe for the first few episodes), but the characters themselves and the ridiculously dark places they go with each other just to survive.

Fear The Walking Dead

That established, Fear The Walking Dead – set in Los Angeles – has to step up hard out of the gate if they want to milk this cash cow. They can start by paying me big coupons to consult, direct and star in the series. And I’d have everyone get eaten by the undead except me, which would make me a hero of some sort.

I’ll have my agent call their agent to work out the deets.

Undead Conjugal Visits

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dead Men Walking

It begins with a guy with a shotgun turning zombie heads into salsa. Of course, the cops think he’s a serial murderer and arrest him before he can shoot himself, because seconds before the cops bust in, some zombie goo backwash splattered in the guy’s mouth. Those of us who have seen zombies in action know it’s game over, man.

Dead Men Walking

They haul the guy away to the Harwood Maximum Security Prison (conveniently located on a main downtown street) and take him to the prison doctor because he’s coughing, drooling and throwing up all over those spotless prison floors. He sneezes on the docs face and spits up black blood on other prisoners. That is so unsociable as to be downright rude.

Dead Men Walking

Like dominos, those now infected with the biotoxin virus are converting to a new religion: the incarcerated dead. From here on out it’s tired zombie meat ’n eats, although the gore is plentiful and looks a lot like the gravy surprise they serve at the prison every Friday.

Dead Men Walking

FEMA calls and puts the prison under quarantine. A CDC representative (i.e., chick with matching blouse and skirt) is stuck inside, along with the warden’s plump ’n juicy son, who looks like a menu item at the next zombie prison picnic. Guts are liberated from torsos; blood vomit decorates the walls like an abstract painting (possible Dali); prison guards are being eaten and turning into prisoners of their own skin gobbling hunger.

Dead Men Walking

As true with all zombie flicks, everyone dies. As will a part of you if you forfeit above ground time watching the paint-by-numbers Dead Men Walking (2005).