Gold brocade laced pants? Black jacquard waistcoat? Sapphire waist cincer corset? The fashion monster inside me wants out of its cage, all because I clicked on DraculaClothing.com. This clothing site, for all who live in the Darkness (or a drafty 450 ft one-bedroom apartment with insensitive neighbors), is one-stop shopping for vampire, Goth, and steampunk suits, dresses, coats, ties, jewelry, accessories, corsets, and more.
Located in the Czech Republic, Dracula Clothing’s elegantly evil fashions will unleash your inner cosplay or further define your style esthetic, all at extremely affordable prices. (Under $200 dollars, or “Romanian Lei.”) And hey, free worldwide shipping. Minunat!
Who wouldn’t want to go to a snooty masquerade ball dressed to kill in a black brocade long vest with matching velvet officer pants, an onyx tie and a rhinestone skull necklace while you hover around the buffet table, looking to bite the necks of chilled shrimp appetizers? Now THAT would be freakin’ dernier cri!
While we go to DraculaClothing.com for a neck-to-nut, creature of the night wardrobe upgrade, here are a few out now/upcoming horror movies that may or may not be stylish in the day OR night…
BLADES IN THE DARKNESS / Out now (VOD
“Tirana 1997. The chaos left by the fall of Communism has opened the doors to a bloody civil war. Matia, just a teenager, is harassed by his playmates. In an attempt to escape, he hides inside an abandoned bunker. In that spooky building, Matia will be the first to discover something scary and unthinkable that will change his whole life…a bloodthirsty horror armed with deadly blades.”
Sounds like my lawnmower has been moonlighting
MASK OF THE DEVIL / Out now (VOD)
“An intern in a porn movie production battles against the evil powers inhabiting an ancient tribal mask.”
I would very much like to be an intern on a porn movie production. Heck, I’ll pay them to hire me. Please. Don’t make me beg.
TERROR TALK / Out Now (Tubi™)
“When a virus outbreak causes widespread panic, a doomsday prepper retreats into his new house, believing that he’s safe from the dangers outside. He soon discovers his house is haunted by terrifying ghosts.”
Tough call — germs outside, ghosts inside. But it boils down to this: germs will make you a ghost, whereas ghosts can’t transmit germs. So yeah, new roommates. Problem solved.
THE HAUNTING OF LADY-JANE / Release pending 2023 (VOD)
The peaceful waterways of the English countryside are plagued by legends of Ràn — a water spirit who collects the bodies of sinful people along the river. After a disturbing incident left Lily emotionally scarred and estranged from her parents she decides to begin her life again. Now a socially aware writer on female empowerment, she decides to tour the country with Zara, whose journey of self-identity has led her to fully explore life. Lily met Zara through her blog, they decided to become travel companions. They see a chance to travel on a barge the Lady-Jane on the English canals. The journey upriver becomes increasingly bizarre and dangerous when canal ghosts surfaces, and the spirit known as Ràn torments them on their journey.
You know how to torment that super mean Ràn fellow? Pee and/or urinate over the side of the barge into the canal, or “British lap pool.”
Drinkin' & Drive-in 