Archive for Caesar

Aliens, Apes, Puppets and Motörhead

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Ghosts, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 1, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Recall

Had something quite weird happen to me the other day. There I was, watching a bunch of Bigfoot videos on YouTube™ (they’re all blurry), and one came up that showed the top 15 alleged Sasquatch creature sightings. By the time they got to number seven, I was shocked. That Bigfoot was wearing a Motörhead shirt, exactly like the one I’m wearing right now for a third day in a row. Then it hit me — that was me! Several things immediately came to mind — I was thrilled to be featured in a Bigfoot movie (Pffft — I should’ve been in the top 5). Secondly, I should probably shave. And lastly, I’m gonna kill my neighbor and his stupid new video camera.

While I go change shirts and lather up, here’s a few upcoming hairy horror/sci fi movies headed your way…

THE RECALL (June 16, 2017)
“A group of friends are spending the weekend at a cabin on the lake while unbeknown to them aliens have begun to attack planet Earth. A number of the friends are abducted immediately by the ship hovering above and the remaining two of the group, Annie and Charlie, must rely on an eccentric and dangerous hunter who seems to have special knowledge of the attack, explaining that this day has been prophecized for years and extraterrestrials have been guiding Earth’s evolution in preparation for their ultimate takeover.”

I say let the aliens take over and fix this toilet Earth. How could they run/ruin it worse than it’s being done right now? As long as they don’t mess with my health care (i.e., “probing prevention”), they have my vote.

War of the Planet of the Apes

WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES (July 14, 2017)
Caesar and his apes are forced into a deadly conflict with an army of humans led by a ruthless Colonel. After the apes suffer unimaginable losses, Caesar wrestles with his darker instincts and begins his own mythic quest to avenge his kind. As the journey finally brings them face to face, Caesar and the Colonel are pitted against each other in an epic battle that will determine the fate of both their species and the future of the planet.”

The new Planet of the Ape series has been quite exhilarating, what with thousands of monkeys flinging their poo and what not at the surviving humans. I bet they could run the world a lot better than it’s being done right now. As long as they don’t mess with my health care (i.e., medical moist towelettes), they have my vote.

Annabelle: Creation

ANNABELLE: CREATION (August 11, 2017)
“A dollmaker and his wife who, 20 years after the tragic death of their little girl, welcome into their home a nun and several girls from a shuttered orphanage. Soon, however, the nun and the girls become the target of the dollmaker’s possessed creation, Annabelle.”

A demonically possessed doll. Not understanding how this predictable franchise keeps getting the green light. And how is this different from the Puppetmaster (eight and counting) series? This is about as lame as me getting the idea to make a Blob sequel using of 1,000 packs of Silly Putty™.

Veronica

VERONICA (August 25, 2017 / Spain / 2017/2018 U.S.)
“A young woman must protect her younger brother and sister after she attempts to bring back the spirit of their dead father through a Ouija ritual.”

Am I hearing this correctly? Is she protecting her siblings from their dead dad? What — were there spankings left unresolved before his untimely passing? Are their rooms clean? Did they not eat all their vegetables? Not seeing a plot here — and my room is clean and I alway eat my vegetables. And I haven’t been spanked by a parental poltergeist since 1990’s Ghost Dad.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Posted in Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2013 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

In overload marketing prep for Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (arriving July, 2014) now comes four teaser posters, each looking quite badass.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

I don’t want to spoil the party, but I think the apes are favored to win this game. How could I possibly know that? Here’s the plot: “A growing nation of genetically evolved apes led by Caesar is threatened by a band of human survivors of the devastating virus unleashed a decade earlier. They reach a fragile peace, but it proves short-lived, as both sides are brought to the brink of a war that will determine who will emerge as Earth’s dominant species.”

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

Yep, sounds familiar. This, of course, is the bone structure of 1973’s Battle for the Planet of the Apes. In case you haven’t seen it 27 times like me, or read a truncated review on this here blog back on Christmas Day, 2011, here’s what gets flung against the wall…

After getting served in Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972), the humans, with radioactive sores on their units, rally for some payback.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

It’s now the 21st Century, 10 years after the apes dehumanized the world. And what non-radioactive humans are left are kept in corrals out in the woods and made to do minimum-wage stuff for their ape masters. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

Head ape Caesar, tired of all the non-getting-alonging, decides it might be time for peaceful coexisting with their hairless pets. Damn hippie. But the easily agitated General Aldo ain’t downtown with that. He’d just as soon turn ’em loose in a cornfield and do a little sport huntin’.

Caesar, Aldo decides, must be stopped, and Ape City (not really a city, more like tree houses with indoor plumbing) must be invaded. Aldo murders Caesar’s son when the little branch-swinger overhears the gorilla’s plan to overthrow the current government. Monkey doo is about to hit every fan left working.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

But as history shows, humans are no match for their ape overlords, and get their sore asses handed to ’em yet again in an old style Western shoot-out. Now it’s time to talk to Aldo about that murdering thing. It’s cool for apes to kill humans, but NOT COOL for ape to kill ape. Let’s just say another rule gets broken on that, the first of many future days.

Battle for the Planet of the Apes

While Battle for the Planet of the Apes has some fun moments, the lack of spectacular sets, doomsday bombs and Dr. Zaius makes it the most lackluster of the Apes series. Still, monkeys that talk. That’s pretty neat.