Archive for brothel

Mastering Exorcism

Posted in Asian Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 22, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Exorcist Master

In Exorcist Master (aka, Qu mo dao zhang/1993) a priest was killed outside a local church when a holy power stepped in, knocked the “God Eats Here” cross steeple off the building, where it falls like a sword straight into the back of the now “thinkin’ about becoming an atheist” collection plate manager, who is somehow turned into a vampire. Maybe he was one before and was merely working undercover for competing religions. The sub-titles weren’t clear on this point.

Exorcist Master

This now makes the Roman Catholic church “dirty” and it’s closed for business until that commerce-minded Priest Wu decides to reopen 20 years later with new paint, a few knick-knack bibles, restoration money supplied by the town’s smoking club (opium den) and brothel (pay-per-play) upstanding business men. This p*sses off Uncle Nine and he vehemently protests, using that unibrow to commanding effect. (If you’ve ever been stared down over a plate of fried duck and dumplings by a person with one eyebrow, it’s rather intimidating, which is why I don’t go back to Benihanas™.)

Exorcist Master

Lam Ching-ying, replays the unibrow’d Taoist priest in those mid-Eighties Mr. Vampire movies as Uncle Nine, a pretty darn serious guy when it comes to ridding the land of ghosts and vampires. (I’ve seen promo pics of him with TWO eyebrows. What is up with that? It somehow made him look less intelligent.)

Exorcist Master

An opening scene botched brother and sister exorcist duo has them failing to rid a cellar of a demon chick ghost. Uncle Nine shows up in time to save the day with some serious anti-paranormal skills. But you’re gonna have to wade through another 90-minutes of non-demon/ghost/vampire plot plodding to get to the final show-down in the church after the cross stake was removed from the punctured priest’s back (they kept him in dry storage) and he flies around thejoint, looking for neck-flavored snacks. (Having a hard time with a vampire priest; don’t crosses and churches make vampires hurl? It does to me — and I’m still waiting for my turn to become a vampire. I put in the application months ago. Gotta be any day now.)

Exorcist Master

Exorcist Master’s slapstick action and dialogue will make you COL (chortle out loud): “Why have you removed my pants? You are so erotic…” And hey, they even sampled one-hit wonder rapper Tone Lōc’s 1989 “Wild Thing” as a backdrop to an exorcist prepping ceremony.

Exorcist Master

But not even Tone Lōc or the high-flying kung fu skills of Uncle Nine can save this tedious horror comedy that spends less time on bloodletting and more time on goofy sequences. (The brother doesn’t know what a bra is and put’s it over his face like a blindfold. “Too big…” he says. I can vouch for that.) Note of interest: There’s a bell-ringing vampire shepherd leading a formation parade of subdued, hopping vampires to the church. With “Wild Thing” playing, I wonder if they were hip-hop vampires. I don’t wanna be one of those as rap sucks like fried duck. (Hey, that rhymes — I think I just wrote a rap song.)

Vampire Hookers

Posted in Aliens, Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Lilin's Brood

No mistaking the, um, “subtle” imagery for the upcoming sales poster for Lilin’s Brood. Clearly, it’s a message to be nicer to snakes and to include more fruit in your diet. That, or have sex with vampire hookers. While apples might be better for you, I’m gonna have to recommend gettin’ jiggy with the vampire hookers. (Wonder if they take “bit” coin? Heh.)

Therein lies the framework (my presumption, anyway) for Lillian’s Blood, releasing February 12, 2016. An indie horror flick. Here’s what lays down: A “New Media” news coverage team (W.H.I.S.T.L.E.) is stranded near a beleaguered brothel in the middle of nowhere; recovered footage will reveal what happens when they encounter a group of women with a terrifying secret.”

The so-called “secret” is that this group of women want your various fluids – and are skilled at extracting said juices in a manner of saucy ways.

Lilith's Brood

While contemplating such saucy notions, try your best not to confuse Lilin’s Brood (2000) with Lilith’s Brood, a series of sci-fi novels (Dawn, Adulthood Rites, Imago) under one banner  by author Octavia Butler. If you know how to read, the novels are described as “profoundly evocative, sensual – and disturbing – epic of human transformation.”

Cool – aliens gettin’ jiggy with Earth peeps. Wonder if the books come illustrated?

Classic ’70s Sleaze Horror

Posted in Classic Horror, Giant Monsters, Nature Gone Wild, Scream Queens, Slashers, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 9, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Eaten Alive

Hard to come up with a horror movie title more tantalizing than 1977’s Eaten Alive. Oh sure they tried, even by re-titling this Seventies lurid gem: Death Trap, Horror Hotel and Starlight Slaughter. Meh. Eaten Alive tells you everything you need to know.

And this is why it’s so cool Eaten Alive is being re-issued on Blu-ray™ with a metric ton of extras sometime in July, 2015. So why all this fuss over a low budget sleazy horror movie that barely made it to the drive-in big screens and was left collecting dust in VHS discount bins?

Eaten Alive

First, look who was involved with this thing: Tobe Hooper directed and did the soundtrack. You may remember him as the director from another forgotten little movie called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). Then there was a starring role from Caroline Jones, widely known as Morticia from The Addams Family cult TV series (1964 – 1966) playing a brothel owner. And who is that shirtless redneck hick trying to score with a hooker? None other than Freddy Krueger himself – Robert England. Marilyn Burns, who played the endlessly screaming survivor in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, stars as an unhappy wife. How can you ever be happy after being tormented by a chain saw?

Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive has it all – a war-damaged scuzzy hotel owner, some bare boobies, some gory deaths by way of a scythe, and a GIANT CROCODILE. Set in the Louisiana swamp backwoods, Judd, the hotel proprietor, has loose noodles for brains and keeps the aforementioned GIANT CROCODILE as a pet in the stink pond the hotel (more like a shack with several rooms) ’round back. Throw in a beleaguered prostitute, a feisty redneck, some guests who shouldn’t really be there and the GIANT CROCODILE that eats you alive, you have a movie that practically writes itself.

Eaten Alive

The re-issued Eaten Alive contains so many extras, it would take me away from watching my UFO stories on YouTube™ to list ’em all here. Of the plethora of bonus stuff, I’m visibly shocked they didn’t have an interview with the GIANT CROCODILE itself, reminiscing about what Freddy Krueger tastes like. Then again, it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full.

Zombies and Hookers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Slashers, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2014 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Sleeping Room

A couple new horror moving picture shows for your consideration, one involving a sex pervert (hey, who isn’t?) and Nazi zombies in the other. (Yawn.)

The Sleeping Room (2015) is in reference to a rest area for working girls in-between clients/sex perverts. A teenage call girl puts in some mattress time at an old time-y brothel, where the employees often lie down on the job. Heh. She discovers a secret room, an antique penny arcade called a Mutoscope (cool name), and secrets pertaining to her crazy mom who killed her parents before turning the crazy kill on herself. The movie’s press release also uses the phrase “extreme sexual tastes.” I’ll have to Google™ that. Hope there’s pictures.

Scarecrow

P.S. The Boogeyman on the ad poster must be related to the Scarecrow in Batman Begins (2005). Or at least share the same habidasher.

Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead

Next up is Zombie Massacre 2: Reich of the Dead. YET ANOTHER zombie movie using Nazis. No release date announced, but here’s the plot or “synopsis”:

“Set in WWII, American soldiers fight a horde of zombies created by the Nazis using war prisoners. They have only one night to save their own lives, but the enemy is stronger and stronger…”

You gotta watch out for those “stronger and stronger” zombies. (Yeesh – who, besides me, writes press releases like that?) I didn’t see the first one, so it’s highly probable I’ll watch this one. I honestly don’t know why.