Archive for broomstick

Dirt Witch

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Scream Queens, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Skin Crawl

Back in the days of conjuring, but well before toothpaste, three witch sisters are caught invoking the evil name of nature. One of the sister’s is taken outside by three men with rotted teeth where she is sexed and punched in the stomach area until she dies.

Skin Crawl

This makes the other two witches get their broomsticks in a knot, so they call upon the Prince of Darkness for vengeance. He arrives in a puff of smoke and computer-generated flames and looks like a giant pipe cleaner figure…an EVIL pipe cleaner.

Skin Crawl

Flash forward to modern times where toothpaste and dental floss are plentiful. Margaret, a gorgeous and successful real estate agent, is trapped in a loveless marriage. She also has an affinity for bugs, worms…anything that crawls. She’s also a dead ringer for one of the witches to the point of being an exact twin. How did they do that?

Skin Crawl

While Margaret’s at work, her shifty husband is having sexings with a skank, who convinces him to kill his wife and inherit all her money and then they can have sexings all the time. The scheming skank also happens to know some killful killers for hire, so while they’re off stabbing Margaret with an abnormally large pocket knife, the husband is busy gettin’ busy. Fortunately, the thugs bury Margaret’s body in the woods, right where the witch sister was killed. This means the dirt is bewitched, the implications and possibilities for revenge now being limitless.

Skin Crawl

Uh, oh…someone just crawled out of her impromptu grave to balance the scales of justice. Margaret’s killing spree, like the rest of Skin Crawl (2007), is fairly tame, but it’s what she does to the skank will bring a smile to your face. And yes, it involves bugs and maggots and icky stuff. Ewwww!

Cove Coven

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, TV Vixens, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2016 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bay Cove

Jerry and Linda, freshly married and wanting to break out of the rat race (he does, she doesn’t), buy a house on the idyllic island of Bay Cove, a small community full of scenic views, apple trees and  a sacrificial witch coven.

Bay Cove The coven needs to offer some non-witch blood during a full moon on the eve of something or rather, and they’ve chosen Linda as their donor. This will allow their pact with satan to stay in place for another 300 years.

Bay Cove

The clues as to the island residents’ evil background come in the form of a sparse cemetery (hardly anyone dies), a pet dog and pet best friend being killed (they were both to close to THE TRUTH), and a black mass with formal black robes, incantations and burning torches.

Bay Cove

More along the lines of housewife horror, Bay Cove (1987) a made-for-TV yawner has only one good scene: a church full of coven members being blown sky high by lightning. So yeah, no broomstick flying, no conjuring, no eye of newt in the soup of the day. ’80s witches were so boring.