Archive for bounty hunters

Zombie Finger Exchange Rate

Posted in Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Science Fiction, Vampires, Zombies with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 7, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Quick and the Undead

In The Quick and the Undead (2006) — an Old Western/Modern Zombie mash-up that spins the tile of 1995’s The Quick and the Dead — YET ANOTHER viral outbreak results in 75% of the world’s population being recycled into skin-snacking zombies. Bounty hunters roam the land collecting zombie fingers as a means to pay the rent. How these things are considered a medium of exchange is beyond my financial grasp.

The Quick and the Undead

The bounty hunters look like they came from the Old West, with one guy doing a pretty decent Clint Eastwood impression. Everyone is wearing leather chaps, old time cowboy hats and packing six-shooters. Only thing missing is a zombie stagecoach and/or saloon with swinging wooden doors.

The Qucik and the Undead

He lures the undead with fresh human meat and picks ’em off as though shooting at carnival ducks. But another bounty hunter and his gang of three is upset because their hunting territory has been infringed upon. So they shoot him, cut off his finger (hey, it counts) and take his hat and cool leather cowboy coat. But the guy isn’t quite dead despite being shot in the gut area and having been bitten by a zombie.The Quick and the Undead

It’s not explained, but he developed a resistance to the viral infection. Harder, though, to build up resistance to bullets. So he tracks his “killers” down to shoot them and reclaim his money fingers.

Along the way hordes of zombies follow the kitchen-fresh scent of the living, with both situations converging for a classic old style showdown. One unlucky meal/human, gets chewed into while still alive, and before he expires, utters “choke on it,” an homage to the same line in 1985’s Day of the Dead. Thank you for remembering.

The Quick and the Undead

P.S. Even though she took the title, author Kimberly Raye’s meh-selling book The Quick and the Undead (2014) has cowboys, but no zombies. Instead, she frames vampires as the protagonists.

Cowboys & Vampires

P.P.S. Kimberly meh or meh not have gotten the “idea” from 2010’s Cowboys & Vampires (aka, Dead West).

P.P.P.S. Just to be safe, do NOT let Kimberly sit behind you in class.

Massive Monsters, Ghost Baby-Sitters, Date Night

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Berlin Syndrome

Getting the happy itchys anticipating Alien Covenant at my local cineplex on Friday, May 19, 2017 (if you’re keeping track of years). I’m hoping they have a midnight screening on that Thursday. I have my KISS Army™ blanket, a pocket full of bit coins for snacks and a fresh pair of socks ready to go. (I plan on spending the night — might as well be prepared.)

While I “fun spot” itch for a few more weeks, here are some upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worth scratching yourself in public for…

BERLIN SYNDROME (May 5, 2017)
“An Australian photographer meets a charismatic local man while on holiday in Berlin. After a night of passion, she finds herself locked in his apartment and soon realizes he has no intentions of letting her go, ever.”

She’s not looking at the positive side of this equation — free rent! And apparently, passion aplenty, from what I’m hearing.

Human Cattle

HUMAN CATTLE (2017)
“Three sexy teenagers take a fun-filled trip out to the Amazon for an exciting getaway filled with seductive pleasures and forbidden desires. Failing to hear the canoe tour guide’s warnings about the evils that lurk in the Jungle, they will now have to fight for survival against trigger-happy bounty hunters, blood-thirsty cannibals and massive flesh-eating monsters.”

Great title. It really says a lot without having to. Kinda like a freshly opened bottle of an adult beverage. Speaks volumes, I tell you. As for the movie, I don’t know that the Amazon is full of “seductive pleasures” and “forbidden desires” unless you count monkey butlers and those “Girls of Peru” swimsuit calendars. But when they’re telling me it has massive flesh-eating monsters, I’m on Expedia.com booking my next vacation there.

Scraps

SCRAPS (2017)
“After a successful date, Jessica and Billy decide they don’t want the evening to end just yet, and agree to head back to Billy’s for a nightcap. On their walk they run into danger, but who really is the threat when the truth is revealed.”

Hard to tell what kind of horror movie Scraps is. The title possibly suggests cannibal action. Or one of ‘em turns into a werewolf and turns a non-werewolf into “scraps.” Or maybe none of the above. Guess I’ll just have to wait for some other horror movie site to spoil it (looking in your direction everybody but me).

Stephanie

STEPHANIE (2017/2018)
“Abandoned by her parents in their remote home, Stephanie survives on peanut butter and conversations with her toy turtle, while a dark supernatural force looms in the background. When her mother and father return to claim her, the malevolent power spins out of control with Stephanie at the center.”

The only reason the dark supernatural force is going crazy is because it’s been baby-sitting Stephanie and not getting paid. I’m siding with the dark supernatural force on this one. Baby-sitting is a tough gig, especially if you have to watch the kid instead of the TV.