Archive for bongos

The Devil Wears No Pants

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, TV Vixens, Vampires, Witches with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 12, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Devil's Plaything

There’s several things you should know about 1973’s Swiss/German The Devil’s Plaything (also Plaything of the Devil.) First, it’s been released under a laundry list of alternate titles, such as The Curse of the Black Sisters, aka, Der Fluch der schwarzen Schwestern, (too hard to pronounce), le Chateau des Messes Noires, aka, The House of Black Masses (meh), Satankultens Sexofre (huh?) Veil of Blood (boring), and Vampire Ecstasy (boring v.2). Secondly, clothing is pretty much a special effect as everyone in this decidedly adult vampire flick is devoid of britches throughout most of the movie.

The Devil's Plaything

Two gals go to Castle Varga on the premise that they are to inherit the brick house from a freshly deadened aunt. Also shacking up at the shabby shack are a young couple whose car went ka-BOOM down the road.

The Devil's Plaything

The castle’s caretakers are not caretakers at all (didn’t see one of ‘em touch a broom or mop) — they’re poker-faced Stygian cult women dressed in black (not for long) and hold midnight rituals, i.e., dancing, orgies, boob finger-painting. And they do this to the accompaniment of bongos. (Bongos might be the instrument of choice for beatniks, but those dang things are ANNOYING.)

The Devil's Plaything

The seductive fresh beats makes one of the non-cult gals insatiably horny and anything resembling or shaped like you know what is put to entertaining use. Problem is, she can’t be, um, fulfilled until some silly amulet is handed over to the cult, thereby setting off an adults-only party of ritual sex, neck sucking (and not just necks, by the way) and those ANNOYING BONGOS. (Vampires should not be allowed to bang on things. (Okay, that didn’t come out right.)

The Devil's Plaything

The vampire part is never fully explained or explored, relying on the power of boobies to give the plot some bounce. Lots of pant-less and soft-core coming and goings (okay, that didn’t come out right) take up most of the time, which is not a minus. Just watch it with the sound off.

The Devil's Plaything

P.S. You can find the entire uncut movie on YouTube™. There, I did my good deed for the day.

The Ecstasy of Vampires

Posted in Foreign Horror, Scream Queens, Vampires with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Vampire Ecstasy

Vampire Ecstasy (aka, Der Fluch der schwarzen Schwestern / 1973), is an erotic B-horror adult classic (starring Swedish porn legend Marie Forså), and goes by several other titles: Veil of Blood and the more well known, The Devil’s Plaything. No matter what you call it, this movie is NAUGHTY. And no, that’s not a bad thing.

Vampire Ecstasy

One clean jerk away from being X-rated, a cult of horny, naked chicks, uh, I mean, comitted cultists, rub each other silly and have sex amongst themselves, assisted by a variety of wiener-shaped ritual candles. (All the best ritual candles are weiner-shaped.)

The Devil’s Plaything

This acceptable behavior, of course, ushers in the soul of a vampire Baroness who thirsts for two things. (Think I might know what the other is.)

Vampire Ecstasy

Plenty of chanting, bongo accompaniment and humpty-humping. Hardly any blood, but the rampant diddling and booby action more than made up for it.

The Joi of Bigfoot

Posted in Classic Horror, Nature Gone Wild, TV Vixens with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2015 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Bigfoot

The best bait to lure Bigfoot out into the open? Gorgeous women in bikinis. Shocked that Bigfoot hunters haven’t thought of this before.

This isn’t the plot of Bigfoot, a 1970 sub-budget “horror” movie, but it should be. Rather, it’s just one part of a bigger tapestry that weaves together a horror legend (John Carradine), a supermodel (Joi Lansing), and dynamite-packin’ bikers with semi-combed hair. (What a bunch of disrespectful punks.)

Bigfoot

Parachuting into the forest after her plane quits flying, Joi, with her flotation devices stored safely under her blouse, runs smack into Bigfoot. Elsewhere, a biker guy horizontally makes out with his bikini-clad new girlfriend, only to discover they’re  swapping spit on a Bigfoot burial ground. Guess who shows up to punch out the boyfriend (wicked right hook) and make off with the make-out girl?

The local sheriff doesn’t have time for this hair-covered nonsense, and pretty much doesn’t do much to solve the mystery of the missing women. So Biker Rick (the guy whose bricks were earlier flipped by Bigfoot), turns to hucksters for help. Some help – they plan to capture B-foot to exploit for financial gain. (“People will pay 50 cents to see it!”)

Bigfoot

Meanwhile, the top-heavy abducted gals are tied up (!) by Bigfoot, where they hypothesize about their situation and give away a big clue as to the what lies ahead. (More than one Bigfoot, as it turns out – and they seem to be gooning out over something at the top of the mountain everyone’s partying/making out/peeing on.)

Bigfoot

Finally, after much hippie bongo music, noisy motorcycles tearing up the woods and great one liners (“They’re practically sub-human, but they look like animals…”), the hucksters and Biker Rick (cool name) slog through the forest until they happen upon the abducted gals and the Bigfoot lair (not quite an apartment as it doesn’t even have a kitchenette).

Bigfoot

And it’s here we get the “slap your head in astonishment” big surprise. The thing at the top of the mountain the other Bigfeet are fearful of is… I’ll just say that the hint lies in the Bigfoot creatures themselves, all of whom are female. Run with it. And the end? Has something to do with dynamite – and Joi Lansing running through the woods, barely keeping her mountainous region from popping out of her top.

P.S. Bigfoot fights a bear in this one. I thought they were friends. The bear probably owed him money. Or a honey-dipped pine cone. Man, I could sure go for one of those right now.