Gutter Clowns, Blood Witches, California Demons

The clown is back in town and ready to get down. Cinedigm™ and its Bloody Disgusting™-powered horror platform Screambox™ just announced the release of the acclaimed horror documentary Pennywise: The Story of IT, an in-depth look at the 1990 miniseries based on Stephen King’s iconic novel. It shows up on doorsteps, VOD and street drain holes November 22, 2022 as a collector’s edition Blu-ray. Pre-order HERE.

From the helpful press release: “An in-depth look at the 1990 mini-series based on Stephen King‘s novel, The Pennywise: The Story of IT collector’s edition Blu-ray will include six bonus features, several of them exclusive to this release. The documentary also boasts a wealth of archival material and never-before-seen footage.”

When It came out as a five-hour mini-series in 1990, it was somewhat shocking for the time. But it hasn’t aged as well as, say, me. Pennywise, the super evil clown who terrorizes kids and then again as adults, is pretty cool, though. Pennywise in 2017’s smash success re-boot hit the gas and depicted the hideous harlequin with an extreme makeover that had you making sewage in your britches.

While we go on Amazon Prime™ to order the Blu-ray (might as well pick up some new pants while I’m in the zone), here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi movies that may or may not belong in a sewer…

THE BASTARD SON & THE DEVIL HIMSELF / October 28, 2022 (Netflix™)

“After being discovered as an illegitimate son of the ‘World’s Most Dangerous Blood Witch’, 16-year-old Nathan Byrn was monitored by The Council of Fairborn Witches for several years. However, as the conflict between Blood Witch and Fairborn Witch escalates, Nathan found an opportunity to escape. As he escaped, he’d soon built alliances with Annalise and Gabriel while discovering previously unknown secrets of himself.”

Wish I was the illegitimate son of the World’s Most Dangerous Blood Witch. It’s likely I already am, though. This is why I started calling myself, Son of the World’s Most Dangerous Blood Witch. That’d look cool on some sort of wearing shirt.

THE SLEEP EXPERIMENT / November 1, 2022 (iTunes™, Amazon™, Google Play™, iNDemand™, DISH™)

“Two detectives begin an investigation on the ethics involved in Porton Down, the top-secret research facility. One experiment in particular stands out to them as the most horrific — The Sleep Experiment, which took place during the Cold War. The experiment consisted of five prisoners deemed Enemies of the State, being locked in a sealed gas chamber. An airborne stimulant was continually administered to keep the subjects awake for 30 consecutive days. The prisoners were falsely promised that they would be set free from the prison if they completed the experiment. Inspired by real events, The Sleep Experiment is a psychological thriller that exposes the horrors of what humanity is capable of when pushed to the brink.”

I tried staying awake for 30 days, but only made it about three hours. Still, pretty rough. My humanity was definitely pushed to the brink.

MALIBU HORROR STORY / Pending release 2022/2023

“A group of amateur paranormal investigators are filming a documentary about four teens missing since 2012, a case that remains unsolved despite recovered camera footage from the day of their disappearance. The investigation leads them to the teen’s last known whereabouts: a cave deep in the Malibu mountains, where they set up camp. Attempting to communicate with the spirits within, the investigators bring forth an ancient demon intent on guarding the land and enacting the same gruesome fate those four teens met 10 years ago.”

No wonder the ancient demon is so intent on guarding the land around his cave hole. This is in Malibu, home of some of the priciest real estate ever invented. Teens do nothing but drive the property value down. And not just in Malibu.

NIGHTMARE RADIO: THE NIGHT STALKER / Pending release 2022/2023

“Candy is a late-night radio DJ with a program where people call to tell her ‘real’ horror stories. One of her listeners begins to call her insistently. Candy quickly discovers that there is a strange connection between them. Soon she will find out how far an obsessed fan is willing to go.”

Yeah, but did she play his song request? Radio DJs don’t think listeners have anything better to do than to keep calling the station. The song he requested? “Psycho Killer.” Heh.

Giant Food, Old West Werewolves, That ’80s Critter

In the ensuing rush to cash in on all things Godzilla and his new movie (I seemed to have forgotten the title), now comes the 1961 release of Mothra on Blu-ray™ (July 9, 2019/Mill Creek Entertainment) for the first time in North America. I have the original DVD/VHS/Betamax versions drunk purchased from eBay™/Japan, so a Blu-ray version isn’t gonna have me grabbin’ for my coin purse any time soon.

If you haven’t seen Mothra, the world’s biggest butterfly, here’s the plottage: “Following reports of human life on Infant Island, the supposedly deserted site of atomic bomb tests, an international expedition to the heavily-radiated island discovers a native tribe and tiny twin female fairies called ‘Shobijin’ who guard a sacred egg. The overzealous expedition leader kidnaps the Shobijin to exhibit in a Tokyo stage show but soon they summon their protector, hatching the egg and releasing a giant caterpillar. When Mothra arrives in Japan and finally transforms into the ultimate beast, impervious to modern weapons, the nation and its people face their destruction.”

The first time you see the Mothra egg wash up on the beach, try and guess how many omelets it could make. (I figured it out — it’s one. But you’ll need a frying pan about the size of a football field in which to cook it. And you’re gonna need a LOT of salt and pepper. Silverware? Screw that — just cannonball right into the middle of that gooey sucker!) 

Before we sit down to a Godzilla-sized breakfast, here are a few upcoming horror movies that may or may not be as cool as a gigantic sacred egg…

HIGH MOON (May 14, 2019)
“Colt — a gunslinging werewolf slayer from the old west — mysteriously rises from the grave, only to find that the band of werewolves that brutally murdered his wife are still running rampant generations later. Aided by a beautiful widow, a skeptical town sheriff  and a corrupt Mayor, Colt must face off with the bloodthirsty creatures once again to save a sleepy southern town from destruction.”

Seems to me they should’ve gone with Wolf Cop to bring these furry fiends to justice. His opening move would be to throw Nair™ in their faces.

CRITTERS ATTACK! (July 23, 2019)
“20-year-old Drea reluctantly takes a job babysitting for a professor of a college she hopes to attend. Struggling to entertain the professor’s children Trissy and Jake, along with her own little brother Phillip, Drea takes them on a hike, unaware that mysterious alien critters have crash-landed and started devouring every living thing they encounter.”

The first Critters movie came out in 1986. And now a sequel that nobody asked for comes out 33 years later (and featuring Dee Wallace who was in the original). Just let it go, man.

A HAUNTING AT SILVER FALLS 2 (2019)
“Several years after a deadly struggle with her serial killer aunt, Jordan, now in college, works to escape her troubled history. But when her aunt’s revenge-seeking specter surfaces to join forces with a deranged convict, Jordan must return to the haunted town of Silver Falls for a final showdown with the ghosts of her past.”

The first one came out in 2013. Didn’t see it. Not sure why. So in this one a ghost teams up with a deranged convict; wonder which one dresses better?

THE CHAIR (2019)
“Richard Sullivan is an innocent man struggling to escape his fate on Death Row. Witnessing the brutal torture and murder of his fellow inmates, will he find a way to survive, or will the insane events of the prison finally consume him? Everything is not what it seems, and sanity is such an easy thing to lose.”

Prison sure sounds a lot more fun than it used to. They serve pretty good mac & cheese…or so I’ve heard. If some guy with a tattoo of a gun on his face wants some of yours, you should probably share.

Extended Superheroes, Enlarged Chests, Shortened Life Spans

If you were alive back in February of 1982, you got to see Superman: The Movie (1978) play out on ABC over two nights — with an extra 40 minutes (!), previously edited out, completely restored.

If you weren’t alive back in 1982, you’ll get a chance to see all that additional footage — which includes longer looks at Krypton before its destruction, more time in Smallville, even more of John Williams’ iconic soundtrack, and more of Christopher Reeves in action as the Man of Steel — when it gets released on Blu-Ray. When, you ask? Dunno. Sources indicate before the end of 2017, but it could very well be 2018, the year that follows this one,

So 188 minutes of Superman. That’s pretty dang neato. And you can bet your red kryptonite the Blu-Ray will include lots of extras, like commentaries and cape cleaning tips. Until it arrives, you can while away your time on these upcoming/just released horror and sci-fi movies…

SPACE BOOBS IN SPACE: MILKING THE GALAXY (available now)
“Exmin the Valkyrie returns from a deadly mission to find her bounty contains a bizarre program of glittery aliens, a fashion forward swamp monster, a vampire girl gang, and cheesy special effects from the most ridiculous corners of the galaxy.”

There is not one part of Space Boobs In Space’s press release I didn’t like. And I’m dying to find out what a “fashion forward swamp monster” is. Sounds like one of those last call gals at West Seattle Bowl.

LIFERAFT (available now)
“After their boat mysteriously sinks, a group of friends, with no supplies and strange happenings, try to trust each other long enough to survive.”

This one might’ve come out in 2016, but I just found it now, so no party foul on my part. As for the plight of the screaming floatables, this certainly borrows from The Reef (2010). In that one a boat reverse floats and everybody in the water becomes a fresh sheet item on a circling great white shark’s dinner menu. Don’t know if there’s a shark in Liferaft, though. Be cool if there was as the plot seems watered down. Ahem. P.S. I thought Liferaft was two words.

THIS BOOK IS CURSED (available now)
“After the occurrence at the Old Haney Logging Camp Road the survivor of the incident, Haus is convinced by his girlfriend Lynn to face his fears and return to the place his friends were brutal murdered. Haus has blacked out the event, and Lynn hopes that his memories will return if he confronts his fears. This is a horrible mistake indeed.”

And this is exactly why I never hang out on Old Haney Logging Camp Road. I hear tell of brutal murders and countless wood slivers, to say nothing of finger-shortening saw mishaps and hatchet nicks to the ankles. Better to hang out on Old Bandaged Wound Trail. Not far from what I hear.

LET HER OUT (October 20, 2017)
“Helen, a bike courier, suffers a traumatic accident. As she recovers, she begins to experience strange episodic-black outs, hallucinations, and night terrors that lead her to discover that she has a tumor, a benign growth that is the remnants of a ‘vanishing twin’ absorbed in utero. Over time, the tumor manifests itself as the dark and demented version of a stranger. As Helen’s emotional and psychological state begins to deteriorate further and further, she begins to act out in psychotic episodes — influenced by her evil twin — making her a danger to herself and her best friend, Molly. It’s only a matter of time before this evil side of Helen will take her over completely.”

Great movie poster. The plot is familiar (I’m looking in your direction The Unborn/2009), but hey, I support possessed bike couriers. They do important work, despite often being absorbed by an in utero evil vanishing twin.

One Billion Frankensteins

Like the monster itself, Frankenstein branded movies just won’t die. Hence, Frankenstein: Day of the Beast, which “coincidentally” arrives weeks within Victor Frankenstein (2015), the big-budget re-imagine of the seriously overplayed story of science’s first zombie. Here’s how the one billionth version of Frankenstein goes…

“In a foggy winter morning, a raft brings a priest to an isolated island. He is getting paid to perform a wedding ritual under very mysterious conditions. The groom is Victor Frankenstein, and the young and beautiful bride is his cousin Elizabeth. Seven armed and dangerous mercenary soldiers have been hired to protect her against something huge that hides in the woods, awaiting for that wedding night to be consummated. Victor is the only one who knows the truth about their enemy. His secret will be paid with the life of his private army, whose men will die one by one, as the creature gets closer to his target: the bride.”

He’s marrying his cousin? Now there’s a way to make more deformities in the lab.

IMDB.com shows Frankenstein: Day of the Beast as having a November 2011 release. Like Victor’s famous monster, the movie must’ve arrived D.O.A. as I don’t recall hearing anything about it since. (Apparently, it was only released in Germany and Japan. I can see Germany, but Japan? They already have enough knock-offs.)

But hey, thanks to the science of licensing and distribution, you can now see Frankenstein: Day of the Beast on Blu-ray™ in the States and Canada via a sweet hook-up with SGL Entertainment.

To be fair, even though the mere thought of YET ANOTHER interpretation of the 1818 Mary Shelley novel (Frankenstein or The Modern Prometheus) gives me science gas, the trailer for FDotB looks to have high production values/makeup/effects. That’s puts them ahead of at least a half-billion versions.

Carrie: Uncutting The Cuts

Did you happen to see the 2013 re-boot of Carrie starring Chloë Grace Moretz as the telekinetic troubled teen who uses her mind powers to burn down her high school, thereby frying to a golden crisp everybody in it? I’m here to ruin your day – you didn’t see all of it. Ha! There was 40+ minutes cut, most of which played out Carrie’s destruction in more graphic detail.

According to Petitionbuzz.com, fans of the movie have rallied and are demanding the Blu-ray and DVD have the entire movie reinstated, with all the deleted and cut scenes put back where they belong. If you agree – and you should – click HERE to sign the petition to make it happen. They need 20,000 signatures; as of today they have over 11,000. Sign the petition nine thousand times and let’s get this party started.

Here is the fans’ opening salvo…

TO: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Sony Pictures, Screen Gems, 20th Century Fox, and Misher Films:

This petition is for those avid Carrie fans who hope to see an Extended Director’s Cut of Carrie released on DVD and Blu-ray. It has come to the attention of fans that there were many scenes filmed, but later dropped from the theatrical cut – many of which were also, unfortunately, not included in the Deleted/Alternate scenes on the Blu-ray release.

Back in December 2012, there were a number of people who attended the first test screenings of the film and confirmed that the original cut was longer and a lot different from what we saw in theaters. Based on fan speculation, feedback from Test-Audiences, and certain confirmed details concerning the film – the deleted and/or extended scenes include…

Click the link to see details of all the deletions and whip out your i-pen and sign that thing.

Bigfoot: The Movie

 

Bigfoot: The Movie (2015) is the latest in a l-o-n-g line of Bigfoot films that, for whatever reason, never seem to run out of mythological gas. And it’s not hard to understand why. Bigfoot is real and is seen tromping all over any place where you’re knee deep in pine cones. Whereas sharks, leading the pack of go-to monster movies these days, are only seen in nature documentaries and anyone falling off a surfboard. So yeah, Bigfoot still rules the box office.

Bigfoot: The Movie, due out on  DVD, Blu-ray™ and digital download on May 29th, 2015, is a horror comedy and goes a little like this: “Bigfoot has come to the town of Ellwood City, PA and is causing BIG problems. Now it’s up to three town locals to take him down.”

Taking Bigfoot down is like trying to out-swim a Great White shark after your surfboard floats away. But hey, they have my rental dollar. Nothing says “value for your money” than Bigfoot taking on a bunch of dumbass rednecks.

Classic ’70s Sleaze Horror

Hard to come up with a horror movie title more tantalizing than 1977’s Eaten Alive. Oh sure they tried, even by re-titling this Seventies lurid gem: Death Trap, Horror Hotel and Starlight Slaughter. Meh. Eaten Alive tells you everything you need to know.

And this is why it’s so cool Eaten Alive is being re-issued on Blu-ray™ with a metric ton of extras sometime in July, 2015. So why all this fuss over a low budget sleazy horror movie that barely made it to the drive-in big screens and was left collecting dust in VHS discount bins?

First, look who was involved with this thing: Tobe Hooper directed and did the soundtrack. You may remember him as the director from another forgotten little movie called The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974). Then there was a starring role from Caroline Jones, widely known as Morticia from The Addams Family cult TV series (1964 – 1966) playing a brothel owner. And who is that shirtless redneck hick trying to score with a hooker? None other than Freddy Krueger himself – Robert England. Marilyn Burns, who played the endlessly screaming survivor in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, stars as an unhappy wife. How can you ever be happy after being tormented by a chain saw?

Eaten Alive has it all – a war-damaged scuzzy hotel owner, some bare boobies, some gory deaths by way of a scythe, and a GIANT CROCODILE. Set in the Louisiana swamp backwoods, Judd, the hotel proprietor, has loose noodles for brains and keeps the aforementioned GIANT CROCODILE as a pet in the stink pond the hotel (more like a shack with several rooms) ’round back. Throw in a beleaguered prostitute, a feisty redneck, some guests who shouldn’t really be there and the GIANT CROCODILE that eats you alive, you have a movie that practically writes itself.

The re-issued Eaten Alive contains so many extras, it would take me away from watching my UFO stories on YouTube™ to list ’em all here. Of the plethora of bonus stuff, I’m visibly shocked they didn’t have an interview with the GIANT CROCODILE itself, reminiscing about what Freddy Krueger tastes like. Then again, it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full.

Alienated By Extraterrestrials

 

Blogged barfed about Extraterrestrial (2015) on September 19, 2015, e-gushing about how it was scheduled for release on October 17, 2014 on VOD and limited theater showing blah, blah, blah.

If you’re like me and blinked on October 17, 2014 or didn’t happen to venture into a limited theater showing, you/me/I/us missed Extraterrestrial, thereby ruining our lives in the process. I blame Republicans, the weather and spam e-mail.

But wait, we can redeem ourselves – Extraterrestrial is being released on DVD/Blu-ray on May 12, 2015. Judging by the cover, the aliens have abducted Freddy Krueger’s knife glove.

And while the plot has been regurgitated all over the Internet (aliens, UFOs, explosions, explosive probing), it’s the cast which has my attention. Co-starring is genre icon Michael Ironside (star of one million horror/sci-fi movies) and Emily Perkins, the younger Fitzgerald sister of the way cool Ginger Snaps werewolf trilogy. Gotta love a girl who can take on werewolves and aliens.

Mutant Bunnies and Killer Cargo

Need more schlock in your diet? I know I do, for some reason. This is why I’m moderately enthused over two new schlock horror coming down the super fun happy slide. First up is the deliciously titled Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cotton Hell, hopefully due just in time for that confusing and weird holiday known as Easter.

The plot – as if one is even needed: “Deep in the woods stalks a giant killer mutant Easter Bunny. Unsatisfied with nibbling on grass, he craves, chews lives on human flesh. Rock climbers, hitchhikers, and nudists alike all end up in his jaws as he devours everyone in his way. One by one the townsfolk are consumed by the evil hare, but he still remains a mystery to most of the habitants.”

Brilliance, thy name is Peter Cotton Hell.

Next up is Monster Truck (aka, Dark Haul) a SyFy™ Channel “original,” premiering October 4, 2014. Wanna own it on DVD/Blu-ray? Available first quarter of 2015, released by Shout! Factory™.

What’s generically being said about this one: “The meaning of cryptic prophesy splits apart a team of secretive guardians as they transport by 18-wheeler truck, a deadly creature and its half-human sister from their now ineffective holding place to a more secure location.”

My curiosity is sufficiently piqued, but I’m leaning more towards a flesh-eating Easter Bunny. The plot seems to have more to chew on. Heh.

Alien Anniversary

Fox Home Entertainment should be in the farming business as they’re experts at milking cash cows, i.e., Alien (1979), this time a re-re-re-release coming at you in a slick new art-y box packaged as a 35th Anniversary Edition with some re-purposed “extras” to get you to buy it again. (Goes on sale October 7, 2014. Price depends on which version you want. Warning – they have ‘em all.)

Dang. And now I’m about to buy into Alien again. (What the hell is wrong with me?) I bought the movie ticket. I bought the VHS. I bought the DVD. I bought the Blu-ray™. I bought the extended version w/deleted scenes. I bought the box set. I bought the limited edition Quadrilogy hi-def in-yer-Matrix box set. Crap, I could own my own Nostromo salvage vessel by now with all the money I’ve shelled out for this thing.

Here’s the other wallet-draining “jewels” you get with this version…

Special Features:

• Audio Commentary by Director Ridley Scott, Cast and Crew

• Audio Commentary by Ridley Scott (Theatrical Version Only)

• Introduction by Ridley Scott (Director’s Cut Only)

• Final Theatrical Isolated Score by Jerry Goldsmith

• Composers Original Isolated Score by Jerry Goldsmith

• Deleted and Extended Scenes

Collectibles:

• A reprint of the original Alien illustrated comic.

• All-new, collectible art cards as a tribute to the late H.R. Giger.

In case you forgot: “When the crew of the space-tug Nostromo responds to a distress signal from a barren planet, they discover a mysterious life form that breeds within human hosts. The acid-blooded extraterrestrial proves to be the ultimate adversary as crew members battle to stay alive and prevent the deadly creature from reaching Earth.”

I remember the first time I saw Alien in a movie theater. I didn’t blink once, even while shoveling fists full of hydrogenated oiled popcorn down my space yap. When the alien finally jumped out, I spontaneously, possibly willfully and symbolically crapped my pants. And this is why to this day I am not allowed back in the Admiral Theatre. (Not cool behavior for a teenager alledgedly house-broken since the sixth grade.)