Archive for bit coins

Space Bugs, AI Housing, Hollywood Burgers

Posted in Classic Horror, Evil, Foreign Horror, Ghosts, Science Fiction, Slashers with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 12, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Starship Troopers: Traitor of Mars

Tried a new upscale burger joint recently. The pictures of the food offered don’t even come close to what is actually put on the faux paper plate they serve it on. The hamburger/fries/soft drink combo photos look like they were done by Hollywood and colorized for maximum visual enticement. If the food actually came that way, you’d have to wear sunglasses while eating it. All in all, the reasonably priced burger wasn’t half bad. Just wish it glowed as much in real life as it did on the backlit menu.

Speaking of false advertising, here’s some new horr/sci-fi that may look good on the surface, but try and withhold judgment until they’re served hot off Redbox™.

STARSHIP TROOPERS: TRAITOR OF MARS (Monday, August 21, 2017/500 theaters/everywhere in 2018)
“Rico is demoted and relocated to a satellite station on Mars, while the Federation moves to attack the home planet of the bugs — but Mars just so happens to be the target of a secret bug attack at the same time, and it falls to Rico and a group of new recruits to keep the planet safe while the Federation’s fleet is far out of reach.”

If you’re a fan of this franchise (I took a pass on it after the first one back in 1997), you’ll either be happy or reverse-happy to know that this one is an animated sci-fi feature. But feel free to give my regards to the space bugs and enthusiastically support their effort to take over the Universe.

3 Dead Trick or Treaters3 DEAD TRICK OR TREATERS (2017/2018)
“After stumbling upon the graves of three murdered trick or treaters, a small town paperboy discovers a series of handwritten horror stories tacked to the children’s headstones. Penned by a deranged pulp author driven mad by his craft, the stories chronicle grisly tales of Halloween rites, rituals and traditions. Absent of dialogue and heavy on atmosphere, 3 Dead Trick or Treaters is a horror anthology unlike any you’ve seen before.”

Sounds like horror master Stephen King wrote this one. But since this doesn’t have any dialogue — something King is known for overdoing — probably not. Still, three less trick or treaters means more razored candy for ME!

Tau

TAU (2017/2018)
“Julia is a street smart girl who becomes captive inside a ‘Smart House’ developed by the enigmatic Alex that is run by an advanced artificial intelligence called TAU”.

Pfffft — this concept was already explored in 1977’s Demon Seed, wherein a “smart house” takes over, kills everyone but the mom, and proceeds to mechanically impregnate her (hence the title) so its offspring can be liberated from the vaccuum cleaner cord. Don’t LOL — Demon Seed is considered a science fiction classic.

I Remember You

I REMEMBER YOU (2017/2018 (US)(VOD)(Limited)
“After an older lady hangs herself in a church, a new psychiatrist discovers she was obsessed with the disappearance of his eight-year-old son, who vanished three years earlier. Meanwhile, three city dwellers are restoring a house when they realize it is haunted, and a mysterious child named Bernodus, who disappeared 60 years earlier, is discovered as the link between the two groups.”

Yeesh — you know the church is getting heavy-handed when they pass around the collection plate and you’d rather hang yourself than give up the bit coins. And who the heck names their kid “Bernodus”? That already sounds like one of the night janitor demons mopping and glowing on floor two of the Seven Layers of Hell.

Massive Monsters, Ghost Baby-Sitters, Date Night

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Ghosts, Misc. Horror, Nature Gone Wild, Slashers, Werewolves with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

Berlin Syndrome

Getting the happy itchys anticipating Alien Covenant at my local cineplex on Friday, May 19, 2017 (if you’re keeping track of years). I’m hoping they have a midnight screening on that Thursday. I have my KISS Army™ blanket, a pocket full of bit coins for snacks and a fresh pair of socks ready to go. (I plan on spending the night — might as well be prepared.)

While I “fun spot” itch for a few more weeks, here are some upcoming horror movies that may or may not be worth scratching yourself in public for…

BERLIN SYNDROME (May 5, 2017)
“An Australian photographer meets a charismatic local man while on holiday in Berlin. After a night of passion, she finds herself locked in his apartment and soon realizes he has no intentions of letting her go, ever.”

She’s not looking at the positive side of this equation — free rent! And apparently, passion aplenty, from what I’m hearing.

Human Cattle

HUMAN CATTLE (2017)
“Three sexy teenagers take a fun-filled trip out to the Amazon for an exciting getaway filled with seductive pleasures and forbidden desires. Failing to hear the canoe tour guide’s warnings about the evils that lurk in the Jungle, they will now have to fight for survival against trigger-happy bounty hunters, blood-thirsty cannibals and massive flesh-eating monsters.”

Great title. It really says a lot without having to. Kinda like a freshly opened bottle of an adult beverage. Speaks volumes, I tell you. As for the movie, I don’t know that the Amazon is full of “seductive pleasures” and “forbidden desires” unless you count monkey butlers and those “Girls of Peru” swimsuit calendars. But when they’re telling me it has massive flesh-eating monsters, I’m on Expedia.com booking my next vacation there.

Scraps

SCRAPS (2017)
“After a successful date, Jessica and Billy decide they don’t want the evening to end just yet, and agree to head back to Billy’s for a nightcap. On their walk they run into danger, but who really is the threat when the truth is revealed.”

Hard to tell what kind of horror movie Scraps is. The title possibly suggests cannibal action. Or one of ‘em turns into a werewolf and turns a non-werewolf into “scraps.” Or maybe none of the above. Guess I’ll just have to wait for some other horror movie site to spoil it (looking in your direction everybody but me).

Stephanie

STEPHANIE (2017/2018)
“Abandoned by her parents in their remote home, Stephanie survives on peanut butter and conversations with her toy turtle, while a dark supernatural force looms in the background. When her mother and father return to claim her, the malevolent power spins out of control with Stephanie at the center.”

The only reason the dark supernatural force is going crazy is because it’s been baby-sitting Stephanie and not getting paid. I’m siding with the dark supernatural force on this one. Baby-sitting is a tough gig, especially if you have to watch the kid instead of the TV.

Extreme Aliens, Extreme Demons, Extreme Tacos

Posted in Aliens, Evil, Science Fiction, Scream Queens, Sharks, UFOs with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 18, 2017 by Drinkin' & Drive-in

The Quiet Hour

Uncovered a whole steaming pile of obscure, indie Bigfoot movies, the goal being to watch every single one of ‘em. Hope they don’t make BF out to be a killer of campers, roasting their flesh on a stick over a roaring outdoor fire. Oh wait…

While you’re waiting for me to profile ‘em, here’s some upcoming horror to help pass the time…

THE QUIET HOUR (March 21, 2017)
“Sarah must protect her blind brother and farm. Meanwhile, aliens are harvesting the planet for resources. When a mysterious soldier comes to her door, she must decide if she can let him in or not. Is he another bandit? With few survivors to turn to, Sarah must make a difficult choice to ensure her family’s survival.”

So exactly what are Earth’s resources aliens are always coming here to harvest? I’m guessing our bit coins, tacos and Internet porn. Extraterrestrials could easily do that without infringing on our taco/porn civil rights.

Raised By Wolves

RAISED BY WOLVES (March 28, 2017)
“When a group of extreme skaters go searching for an empty pool rumored to be behind an abandoned house in the barren desert, they learn they should not have ignored the rumors that the house is haunted by a demonic presence and a dark history of occultism. What follows is a terrifying tale of evil possession causing the friends to slowly turn against each other.”

So extreme skaters go up against extreme evil. Sounds incredibly dumb. This, coming from a guy who watches stuff like Shark Exorcist (2015).

Blood Feast

BLOOD FEAST (April 28, 2017 / Limited)
Fuad Ramses and his family have moved from the United States to France, where they run an American diner. Since business is not going too well, Fuad also works night shifts in a museum of ancient Egyptian culture. During these long, lonely nights he is repeatedly drawn to a statue representing the seductive ancient goddess, Ishtar. He becomes more and more allured by the goddess as she speaks to him in visions. Eventually he succumbs to her deadly charms.

After this pivotal night, Fuad begins a new life, in which murder and cannibalism become his daily bread. He starts to prepare a ritual FEAST to honor his new mistress, a lavish affair dripping with BLOOD, organs, and intestines of human victims. As butchered bodies are heaped upon the Altar of Ishtar, Fuad slowly slips further into madness, until he is no more than the goddess’s puppet; and she thirsts for the blood of Fuad’s wife and daughter, too.”

Early reviews are calling this remake “Nothing so appalling in the annals of horror since the original…” Sounds like last call at The Poggie Tavern. Gory beyond the standards of the time, Blood Feast (1963) was the first splatter movie and broke hard ground in explicit gore and goosh, raising the bar on pretty much all the graphic horror that’s since followed. That’s probably significant in some form or fashion.

Death Ward 13

DEATH WARD 13 (2018)
“It’s 1973 and the Stephens Sanitarium for the Criminally Insane prepares to shut down permanently. Days before closing, four beautiful nursing students arrive to care for the last handful of ‘harmless’ mental patients in a suspiciously understaffed ward.”

“Confronted by their violent charges, the nurses soon realize that they are trapped inside the asylum with a deadly crew of vicious lunatics. Each patient has their own perverse identity, their own personal demons and their own violent agenda. Pushed to the brink of insanity, the young nurses find themselves in a gruesome fight for survival inside Ward 13.”

Four Spring Break-grade young nurses vs. vicious lunatics. I’m in. This, coming from a guy who just re-watched The Disco Exorcist (2011).