Board With Friday the 13th, Marvelous Captains, Ginger Cannibal

In an homage to Friday the 13th (the iconic slasher horror movie that came out in 1980 and spawned 11 sequels, reboots, regurgitations), Antonio Ferrara and Sebastiano Fiorillo have created Last Friday, a board game that harkens back to F13’s enduring summer camp body count. And thanks to copyright obstacles, the game takes place at Camp Apache (standing in for Camp Crystal Lake), which is stalked by a mysterious killer referred to as the Maniac, suiting up for Jason Voorhees. Fortunately for the game developers, a hockey mask and machete can’t be copyrighted. 

Available through Ares Games™, Last Friday goes a little something like this: “Last Friday is a board game for 2-6 players wherein one player is the Maniac, hunting down (and sometimes fleeing from) the other players in a series of one-versus-all scenarios.”

Ooh, there’s more: “The game is divided into four chapters, each taking approximately 30 to 45 minutes to play. But players won’t just be retreading the same scenario four times. Each chapter presents a shift in the objective and even the roles of the hunter and the hunted, creating a cinematic trajectory appropriate to the game’s celluloid inspiration.” Glad they addressed that since Friday The 13th’s premise is classically repetitive beyond the point of parody (see “one billion F13 knockoffs.”) 

So while we get the game ($45.60 on Amazon™) and hope it isn’t a one-punch line premise, here are a few out now/upcoming horror sci-fi-fantasy adventure movies that may or may not have been edited with a non-copyright machete…

JANUARY / Out now (VOD)

“Who in their right minds goes into the woods in winter? Who knows what beasts roam in the snow? Two men and a bird, trapped in a snowstorm in the middle of nowhere, try to solve a mystery while it slowly devours them.”

This one’s in black and white and subtitled. I suck at multi-tasking, so it’s gotta be one or the other. (Because of that, I barely made it through the trailer.)

SHAZAM: FURY OF THE GODS / March 17, 2023 (Theaters)

“Billy Batson and his foster siblings, who transform into superheroes by saying ‘Shazam!’, are forced to get back into action and fight the Daughters of Atlas. They must stop them from using a weapon that could destroy the world.”

In 1941, The Adventures of Captain Marvel debuted as a 12-chapter movie serial. Billy Batson changed into Captain Marvel by invoking the timeless bar belch, “Shazam!”, the name of the ancient wizard that gave Billy the power to power up. In the 2019 movie Shazam!, they refer to him as Shazam and not Captain Marvel. Then, to mess with our minds, Captain Marvel — also released in 2019) came out, but this time the superhero is a gal who is constantly plugged in and doesn’t need to express a password to suit up. Yeah, not at all confusing.

THE MARVELS / November 10, 2023 (Theaters)

“Following the events of Ms. Marvel (2022), Carol Danvers and Monica Rambeau (Captain Marvel/2019) and Kamala Khan begin swapping places with each other every time they use their powers and must team-up to figure out why.”

So three female Captain Marvels. They should’ve called this movie, Shezam!

REDHEAD / Release pending 2023 (VOD)

“Cannibalism and depravity drive Autumn Blacksmith, now widowed, to engage in a relentless revenge binge. Will a possessing force drive her to kill every man around her?”

Wonder what took down her husband? Gonna go out on a limb here and say it was cannibalism with a dash of depravity.

Giant Monster Punchfest, Superhero Jamboree, UFO Boy

The latest key art for Godzilla, King of the Monsters (May 31, 2019) is almost as cool as the new trailer, which features all the kaiju monsters knocking over cities as if said cities were made of cement Legos™. (The bottom art was expertly done by art phenom Christopher Shy and you can actually buy it. Do so — today, if possible.)

So it’s to be a Battle Royale between Godzilla, King Ghidorah, Mothra and Rodan. The cards are already stacked against Godzilla’s foes, however. Hey, if your name is the title of the movie…

While we impatiently wait to see giant monsters violate each other’s bathing suit area, here are a few upcoming horror/sci-fi/superhero movies that may or may not feel like a punch in the groin…

US (March, 2019)
“A mother and a father take their kids to their beach house expecting to unplug and unwind with friends. But as night descends, their serenity turns to tension and chaos when some shocking visitors arrive uninvited.”

I bet the uninvited shocking visitors are electric eels. That, or some drunk frat boys. Got my money on the eels, though. Makes sense as it’s a beach house and electric eels — who are naturally shocking — hang out at the beach, like, daily.

SHAZAM! (April 5, 2019)
“Billy Batson is a streetwise 14-year-old who can magically transform into the adult superhero Shazam simply by shouting out one word. His newfound powers soon get put to the test when he squares off against the evil Dr. Thaddeus Sivana.”

YET ANOTHER superhero movie. Gotta say, the trailer, though, is pretty dang funny. With Shazam, Venom, Captain Marvel, The Wasp, Aquaman and Batgirl all being added to the superhero locker room, the pool is getting a bit crowded.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME (April 26, 2019)
“In the aftermath of Thanos wiping out half of all life in the Universe, the remaining Avengers must do what’s necessary to undo the mad titan’s deed.”

Didn’t nearly all of the Avengers die in the last movie? And as for Thanos wiping out half of all life — what’s wrong with the other half?

BRIGHTBURN (May 24, 2019)
“What if a child from another world crash-landed on Earth, but instead of becoming a hero to mankind, he proved to be something far more sinister? A startling, subversive take on a radical new genre: superhero horror.”

Superhero horror. Pretty sure that was already done with Venom and Spawn and Ghost Rider.